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  • ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

    So, here we are with my own story. I should warn you at the start that unless your idea of fun is watching black paint dry in a coal cellar at midnight you may want to leave now. Witty and entertaining this will not be. This case has been dragging on so long now I need FOUR initial posts to outline it.


    I doubt whether it is actually worth my while to start a diary as this one alleged debt is all that I am saddled with. There was one other loan account on which the last payment was made in May 2005. During the spring of 2011 I was expecting something to crawl out of the woodwork, but....nothing happened.


    This farce has now dragged on longer than Gone With The Wind and it is a miracle that all of the characters aren't already dead. Crapbot employees are all dead, of course, but sadly only from the neck up. In 2003, I temporarily anaesthetised my brain cells and took out a Crap One credit card. I know, you don't need to tell me.


    For reasons which are far too involved to get into here, the balance ended up crossing the limit. There was PPI added without my consent, the usual charges and bogus interest, a case where goods were paid for but not delivered which should have been rectified by s.75, and other “irregularities” I shan't mention here.


    Crap One, of course, are thicker than a rhino's arse and twice as stubborn. After submitting the necessary complaints to the executives office and a charmless oaf known as Robert Udy (possibly an acronym for Unpleasant Dishonest Yob), the complaint was then escalated to what we now know as the Fobbing Off Service. Guess what? I was fobbed off. At this stage, (Al) Capone decided to extort money from the taxpayer and hand this turkey over to Crapbot Farcical.


    At that stage, I was a 'lone warrior'. I had no-one to advise me, no-one to talk to except the lamppost outside my bedroom window, and I certainly had never heard of any consumer forums. When Crappy Bot came on the scene, I did my research on the Internet and found the old CAG forum (so much better than the current one!).


    I sent off the necessary s.78 request to Crapbot, along with a £1 postal order. Then, as now, it was the usual policy of Crapbot to refuse the payment and to return it to the sender. Why, then, in my case did the little darlings do something completely different? They misappropriated my statutory fee, applied it to the alleged account, and sent me a letter thanking me for my payment! Of course, this became the subject of a formal complaint, and Crappy Bot did reverse this and back down!


    The question is, why would they want to behave like that in the first place? It is obviously a pathetic attempt to restart the limitation clock, but why is that seen as a worthwhile objective when they have four years in which to litigate in any case? It was a mystery to me then, and it remains as large a mystery to this day.


    Eventually, Crapbot did send me the documents to satisfy the s78 request. The so called agreement was a simple short appo form with nothing vaguely resembling a prescribed term anywhere in sight. It was as enforceable as a second-hand bog roll (notwithstanding Mr. Tilley's entirely correct observation that nothing is unenforceable until the court deems it so).


    This, of course, did not stop Crappy Bot bringing out their thickest smoke and most obliquely angled mirrors. It was the usual tosh which everyone gets, about section 189 referring to the embodiment of a provision therefore the terms can be branded on an elephant's arse in the African jungle and don't have to be anywhere near the signature page. Anyone acquainted with Crapbot will also be acquainted with this bovine excrement.


    Hmm. I'd better leave this post here. If you're bored enough, tune in for part two.


    SH

  • #2
    Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

    Welcome to part two. If you're suffering from insomnia and looking for a safe alternative to Mogadon, you've come to the right place!

    So, Crappy Bot produce an appo form from the hat, and then proceed to do what they always do and live in their own la-la land. I will leave out most of the ensuing dialogue, as it resembles the most boring Christmas pantomime ever. Oh, yes it is. Oh, no it bloody well isn't.

    I will just tell you about the day when two envelopes from Crapbot landed on my mat on the same day. One contained a personal letter from their Chief Executive Ken Maynard informing me that Crapbot were NOT obliged to provide a copy of their complaints procedure. The other contained a copy of Crapbot's complaints procedure.

    Crapbot? Farcical!

    I had been exchanging letters with Uncle Kenny in an attempt to get something more coherent than the usual drivel quoting irrelevant sections of the CCA 1974 or making puerile threats. I must admit I felt sorry for the pieces of paper I was sending as they really had done nothing to deserve such an unsavoury end. Anyway, despite waking up the Chief Willy-Player with my legitimate concerns, the coherence level remained lower than a snake's belly.

    The communications sent to Kenny Baby remain to this day the last I have sent. From that point on, Crapbot's tactics descended into a repetitive pattern which makes little or no sense. Every month, they would send two completely silly letters. The first would say “Thank you for your letter acknowledging your debt to Cabot.”, and the other would say “According to our records, we have had no response to our previous letter.” What is the point of this pantomime?

    They spent a whole two years doing nothing other than sending those two moronic letters, one after the other. I find their tactics completely bewildering as they achieve nothing beyond wasting their own time and money. It is like chucking a powder puff at a Sherman tank. If anyone can offer a coherent explanation, I would be interested to hear it.

    Look at the name. 'Crap – Bot'. That means 'Excrement – Automation'. Well, the delivery of the letters has presumably been automated, and as for the content, need I say more?

    If you still haven't drifted off, you can join me for Part Three where something actually happens.

    SH

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

      Wow! If you've read this far then you really do need to find a more interesting hobby. I'd suggest trying to carry water in a colander or possibly digging holes in the garden and filling them up again.

      Right. Now, in 2012, Crappy Bot have departed from their self-imposed repetitiveness and have actually done something different. They have “escalated” (does that mean taking it up to the next floor without having to walk?) the alleged “account” to FIRE (Facetious Irrelevant Rubbish Emitted), so I now get my Andrex substitute in different colours.

      I should mention that I have actually received two letters, one in the sickly yellow and one in the anaemic blue, offering so-called “Full and Final Settlement”. This tactic makes more sense, as it could just draw someone out of their trench and get them to acknowledge an alleged debt. Of course, we all know how much the words “Full” and “Final” mean to debt (attempted) collectors.

      The letter before last was the most significant threat. They stated that if I didn't start donating money to them they would either litigate (which matters) or “instruct one of their doorstep agents” (which doesn't). Crapbot are highly litigious so the threat of action which requires an immediate response remains a real one. It also appears that Kenny Babes has now gone and that there are new puppeteers pulling the strings. Anything can happen.

      The last letter is a total capitulation, or at least an apparent one. It ONLY threatens that they will “instruct doorstep agents”. I don't take any notice of this, because it could be designed purely to lull the opponent into a false sense of security by apparently removing the threat of court, before hitting them in the nether regions with an N1. When you are dealing with a rattlesnake, you don't expect morality.

      So, this brings you fully up to date with this wonderful story. I told you it would NOT be entertaining. I shall now move on to discuss possible future tactics and objectives. Matchsticks to prop open eyelids will not be provided.

      SH

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

        Anyone reading four posts of this thread can only have one objective in mind – to kill off their last few remaining brain cells so they can qualify as a Member of Parliament. I wish you well in your ambitions!

        So, where do we go from here? Can anyone understand why Crappy Bot are behaving as they are? I certainly can't. They have now had over four years in which to litigate and attempt to gain control of the alleged account. They have not done so. They have also not chosen to sell this turkey on to Ruthbish or Mucky Hall or some other bottom feeding pond scum to try to recoup their losses. Why? What are they going to do?

        All the while they are doing nothing, they are running the risk of a complaint being escalated to the Fobbing Off Service, which will relieve them of more than they will have paid for the alleged debt in the first place. The FOS are not interested in enforceability issues, but there is mis-sold PPI on the alleged account, unfair charges, an unlawful default, and several other pertinent issues which they may be prepared to look at.

        At the end of this year, the alleged debt will be barred by the Statute of Limitations from being enforceable at law. It would be incredibly stupid to invest in consumer recoverable debt, wait five years until the limitation clock expires, and then attempt to litigate. So, they must obviously be intending to litigate within the coming six months, mustn't they?

        I don't understand their latest moronic tactic. They are threatening to “instruct external agents”. Why? That is like a criminal thug taking a gun out, pointing it at himself and saying “Give me your money or I'll blow my own head off”. If they do come to stand outside my door, all they will have achieved is to waste their own time and money. If they don't, they will just make themselves look spineless and stupid. Heads I win, tails they lose. What is the point?

        I will be fascinated to see whether or not they really turn up. Do Facetious Irrelevant Rubbish Emitted really have external agents, or are they as fictitious as the Clownell ones? Whatever happens, it will be an interesting research project for this site.

        There is, of course, the question of if and when I should make some kind of counter-attack. When you have not communicated for three years it is easy to become indolent and even complacent. I am all for sending as few communications as possible, but there are obviously times when it is necessary. I have been around this scene long enough to know that sending letters has no bearing on whether or not Crapbot litigate, so their sole purpose is to impress upon any judge that you are not a “filthy avoiding debtor”, but a proactive consumer attempting to find a reasonable solution to the problem.

        There are other potential objectives as well, such as getting complaints escalated to the Fobbing Off Service. If this could be done it would relieve Crapbot of some more of their ill-gotten gains, and by the time the FOS had finished looking at it the limitation clock would have run down to zero. There is also the issue of the CPUTR 2008, which did not even exist when Crapbot first got hold of this turkey.

        The most important factor of all is, of course, having an effective defence in place for immediate counter should Crapbot pull the trigger and litigate. Since I first prepared a potential defence for this case, there have been many other significant judgments including Carey and McGuffick. The basic points of the defence will still be the same, but maybe some slight modifications are necessary. Can anybody point me to any resources which are useful in compiling defences, bearing in mind that most of the legal threads on this forum are password protected and out of reach?

        I will leave it there for now. If you bang your head on a very hard surface for ten minutes you may just notice some life coming back into it. Any input is welcome.

        SH

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

          Hi

          Why are you even letting this get to you? The paperwork they'll have sent will be 99.9% unenforceable so simply tell em to get fucked, surely gotta be easier than all this aggro...?

          I'm the forum administrator and I look after the theme & features, our volunteers & users and also look after any complaints or Data Protection queries that pass through the forum or main website. I am extremely busy so if you do contact me or need a reply to a forum post then use the email or PM features offered because I do miss things and get tied up for days at a time!

          If you spot any spammers, AE's, abusive or libellous posts or anything else that just doesn't feel right then please report them to me as soon as you spot them at: webmaster@all-about-debt.co.uk

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

            Originally posted by Never-In-Doubt View Post
            Hi

            Why are you even letting this get to you?
            Who said I was letting it get to me? I just find their tactics impossible to understand, even a bit comical.

            Originally posted by Never-In-Doubt View Post
            simply tell em to get fucked
            Err....possibly not the wisest response given that any paperwork could still end up in front of a judge.

            Best to wait until it goes SB and then tell them......

            Originally posted by Never-In-Doubt View Post
            surely gotta be easier than all this aggro...?

            What aggro? That's the whole point...they're only causing aggro to themselves and I don't understand why. If they don't litigate all they are doing is wasting their own time and money when they could be bullying someone who would give in.

            It's a shame I can't send them some of my own template letters from the old days. I'll have to post a couple of them up to try and make the thread a bit more entertaining.

            SH

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

              OK, here's my template for "Accepting a 50% Full and Final Settlement Offer" -

              Darling Mr. R. Sole (Manager),

              I am in receipt of your letter offering to close the above account for a 50% settlement. As you have provided no paperwork to prove the validity of said account, you are in fact asking for a charitable donation.

              I must admit it is rather irksome to be bothered every November by people soliciting donations for meaningless and irrelevant causes, such as children and the military who fought for this country and the freedom of the world. What a refreshing change it is, therefore, to be asked to contribute to the cause of communication and love.

              I think of the poor deprived people who never receive personal letters, and the difference your threatograms make to their lives. I think of the lonely souls whose telephones never ring, and how their days are lovingly enhanced by your persistent and uplifting communications. I think also of the otherwise unemployable mental retards who are given satisfying and meaningful employment by contributors such as yourselves.

              I am in awe of the contribution you make to our society, and am delighted to offer a much deserved contribution to your organisation. I will happily pay you 50% of the outstanding balance, provided your cover my reasonable expenses in making the donation.

              As you have provided no paperwork with which to establish a balance on the account, the only balance which can apply is one of £0.00p. I have consulted with my former mathematics teacher, and am reliably informed that half of said balance amounts to £0.00p. I will therefore prepare a cheque in the sum of £0.00p, which I will forward to you on receipt of my necessary expenses.

              In order to write the cheque, I need to pick up a new cheque book from the bank. This requires a bus fare of 20p. In fact, as I have nine other shops to visit on the trip, I will happily accept the sum of 2p as complete reimbursement of my expenses.

              At least, I would have been until last week. Now, sadly, the Council have removed the bus route. This necessitated the purchase of a motor vehicle. As the only garage near my home sells large and expensive vehicles, I incurred a charge of £48,753.

              Oh, dear. On arriving home with the vehicle, I found it would not fit into my garage. I was therefore forced to purchase one of the exclusive properties further out of town. This incurred an expense of £758,962.

              Bugger! The Council are always doing something, aren't they? Now, there are essential roadworks blocking the road between the suburbs and the bank. This is making it completely impossible to make the journey without the building of a new bypass, the expense of which is estimated at £23million.

              On clearance of your cheque for £23,807,715, I shall forward your donation. Provided you enclose an SAE so I am not out of pocket.

              Yours in the spirit of love,

              SH

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                And here's a template for "Response to DCA accusing you of ignoring them, and threatening court or doorstep visits" -

                Darling Mr. R. Sole (Manager),

                I note with sincere regret your recent communication. My soul is wounded to the core, darling, by the suggestion that I should be ignoring you. If you could find it in your heart to examine your records again, you will find my humble CCA request. This does indeed qualify as a communication, albeit one so woeful and inadequate when compared with your own overwhelming and lovingly persistent declarations of affection.

                I humbly promise that if I ever submit a CCA request again, it shall be written in the finest gilded calligraphic font, on scented notepaper with the exquisite aroma of beautiful roses, sealed in an envelope with wax to symbolise our entwined hearts, and adorned with ribbons of every colour of the rainbow.

                If love must end, it should be with a poignant farewell, and fond remembrance of times once shared. I so deeply regret that you mention law courts, as such an ending would be so unworthy of the joy and thrilling repartee we have shared. It would be such a desperate shame that when you finally realised the magnitude of your grievous error, I should have to thrust into your delicate and perfectly-formed hand, a tear-soaked wasted costs order.

                I must admit I am so much looking forward to the visit of your friend. As a debtor, I rarely get out, you see. Every step upon the pavement is like a rapier through the skin when you can no longer afford shoes, and life in my humble abode is so soulless and bereft of joy since I had to eat my budgerigar. I shall welcome your friend with open arms, unless I have to sell my arms to medical science. I shall prepare a table with my best tablecloth, and adorn it with my finest silver in his honour.

                The tablecloth is an old pair of pyjama bottoms which I use to clean the outside lav. Still, it will cover at least a few of the knot holes and the places where the rats have chewed through. My finest silver is an old baked bean tin, a priceless souvenir of the days when I could afford to eat baked beans. It has a few holes, I'm afraid, but if your friend has fast hands he shouldn't get his trousers too wet.

                Oh, please tell your friend to be careful on the way out, or he might trip over the skeleton of the dog I can't afford to feed any more. If he does, he will be able to see under the bed.

                What will he see?

                Nothing.

                What? No pot?

                That's right! I haven't even got a pot to p%&* in you naughty little man!

                Which is a shame. Because if I had a nice full pot, I could have offered your friend something to drink. Never mind, at least if it is raining he can lay on the floor outside with his head under the drainpipe.

                Yours in the spirit of humble love,

                SH

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                  Originally posted by Never-In-Doubt View Post
                  Hi

                  Why are you even letting this get to you? The paperwork they'll have sent will be 99.9% unenforceable so simply tell em to get fucked, surely gotta be easier than all this aggro...?

                  I wish I had read post 5 first.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                    Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                    Who said I was letting it get to me? I just find their tactics impossible to understand, even a bit comical.
                    Long posts if it wasn't.....

                    Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                    Err....possibly not the wisest response given that any paperwork could still end up in front of a judge.
                    It was a tongue in cheek comment - however, I think you'll find it won't end up in front of a judge either

                    Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                    Best to wait until it goes SB and then tell them......
                    ok....

                    Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                    What aggro? That's the whole point...they're only causing aggro to themselves and I don't understand why. If they don't litigate all they are doing is wasting their own time and money when they could be bullying someone who would give in.


                    Love it......
                    I'm the forum administrator and I look after the theme & features, our volunteers & users and also look after any complaints or Data Protection queries that pass through the forum or main website. I am extremely busy so if you do contact me or need a reply to a forum post then use the email or PM features offered because I do miss things and get tied up for days at a time!

                    If you spot any spammers, AE's, abusive or libellous posts or anything else that just doesn't feel right then please report them to me as soon as you spot them at: webmaster@all-about-debt.co.uk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                      Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                      And here's a template for "Response to DCA accusing you of ignoring them, and threatening court or doorstep visits" -

                      Darling Mr. R. Sole (Manager),
                      [...] life in my humble abode is so soulless and bereft of joy since I had to eat my budgerigar.


                      Love it!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                        Originally posted by Pip View Post


                        Love it!

                        Thanks Pip!

                        Glad to see you enjoying the templates!

                        I wonder if we could persuade Niddy to add them to the collection? :niddy

                        SH

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                          Originally posted by ScabHunter View Post
                          I wonder if we could persuade Niddy to add them to the collection? :niddy

                          SH
                          if you want me to, just ask and I will

                          We need an "alternative templates" section really
                          I'm the forum administrator and I look after the theme & features, our volunteers & users and also look after any complaints or Data Protection queries that pass through the forum or main website. I am extremely busy so if you do contact me or need a reply to a forum post then use the email or PM features offered because I do miss things and get tied up for days at a time!

                          If you spot any spammers, AE's, abusive or libellous posts or anything else that just doesn't feel right then please report them to me as soon as you spot them at: webmaster@all-about-debt.co.uk

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                            Originally posted by Never-In-Doubt View Post
                            if you want me to, just ask and I will

                            We need an "alternative templates" section really
                            If you ever get the time that would make for some very good cheer people up reading
                            When you have nothing you have nothing to lose

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: ScabHunter v Crapbot Farcical

                              oh how i chuckled at the templates.

                              Will def think about sending one of those lol
                              I'm an official AAD Moderator and also a volunteer, here to help make the forum run smoothly. Any views or opinions are mine and not the official line of AAD. Similarly, any advice I have offered you is done so on an informal basis, without prejudice or liability. If in doubt seek advice from a qualified insured professional - Find a Solicitor or go to the National Probono Centre.

                              If you spot an abusive or libellous post then please report it by Clicking Here. If you need to contact me, for instance if I've issued you a warning, moved, edited or deleted your post, please send me a message by clicking my username.

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