Everything getting on top of me.

[Ames]

Hi all, I'm so glad for this forum, because I really need to rant.

Firstly, I put in the probate forms for my mum's estate yesterday, and had an argument with sister about it. When it all goes through, once I become part owner of mum's house my means tested benefits will stop unless I can prove that I'm trying to sell it - but sister wont sell until next Spring. She's adamant that no-one will buy a house till then and putting it on the market will lose value. She told me I'll just have to tighten my belt. Those who are familiar with my problems with her will laugh at that - when she was on jobseekers and we told her she had to do that, she pretended to take an overdose and slit her wrists so that we'd carry on giving her money.

So it looks like I'm going to have to take legal advice and action to look after my interests. I've emailed her and dad, who's totally on her side, about it today, still waiting for an answer but I doubt either of them will check their emails till tomorrow night at the earliest.

On top of which, I had a glucose tolerance test last week, and I have to see a specialist nurse about the results. So I'm terrified that I'm getting diabetes too.

I just want some time without everything going wrong! Last September everything was looking up - I was signed on to some college courses, was getting my life in order, and things were good. In October, mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. December I started having blood transfusions, which I'll need every four weeks for the rest of my life. April, mum died. While she was ill I spent all my savings on travelling to see her every week, and buying things for her to make life easier for her. Not to mention the emotional cost of helping her, and watching her get worse. Now all this.

I just can't help thinking why me? Why does everything happen to me? Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.

And to top it all, I'm having to fight my family instead of relying on their support.

I'm just exhausted by it all.

Sorry, just needed to rant.

[clueless24]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time at the moment, I can't offer any advice but just wanted to send a hug and to say stay strong x

[Pixie]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames

I don't know your situation but it does sound like you're going through it at the moment.Everyone has patches like that in their lives and it will get better. Don't worry about ranting, everyone needs a good rant at some point.

It seems a shame that you and your sister can't agree on when to put the house up for sale, and it doesn't help that your dad is on her side. I happen to disagree with her as I know a lot of people buy houses so that they can move in before Christmas and have Christmas in their new house. I think you're on the right track seeking legal advice.

(((hugs))) Pixie xxx

[confused76]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

oh dear i'm sorry sounds like you're having a very rough time. my partner is currently going through the house issue with his sister. thankfully they more or less agree but there have been some hairy moments and she is very forceful. i'll be glad when the house is dealt with and they can move on.

i wonder is it worth showing your family your finances, a budget sheet, so they can see that it isn't just a case of tightening your belt and you have some real concerns? Or has it gone beyond this stage?

good luck, it's a tough time for you and i'm very sorry to hear about your mum
xx

[LooLoo]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames

you rant away as much as you like...

Point about the house - best time to sell houses are September and April..... so if you get it ready and on by end of August it will be fine. Also a probate sale is a good buy for someone - as no chain! Mr Looloo is an estate agent and I work there at weekends. anyway if you need any advice on that kind of thing - please feel free to pick my brains.

Sorry about the glocouse thing too. I know easier said than done but you need to keep your stress levels down.

Ugh it makes me die that when it come to Money Honey - things can go belly up........ it is not fair.

Good luck hun and you know we are here

xxxxxxxxxx

[philnicandamy]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Ames i'll not repeat what everyones said...we're all here right behind you so if you need a rant you rant away!

[jen_br]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Firstly Big hug and a sigh!

Secondly, does your sister know what kind of situation you are in? Maybe its time to sit your sister and dad down and have a frank talk with them. Also gently reminding your sister of her selfish behaviour when this happend to her.

But find out your rights and ask an estate agent to come over with your sister present so she can ask the question "will this be worth more in XX" the estate agent will probably look at her cross eyed lol.

Good Luck

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Thank you everyone.

oh dear i'm sorry sounds like you're having a very rough time. my partner is currently going through the house issue with his sister. thankfully they more or less agree but there have been some hairy moments and she is very forceful. i'll be glad when the house is dealt with and they can move on.

i wonder is it worth showing your family your finances, a budget sheet, so they can see that it isn't just a case of tightening your belt and you have some real concerns? Or has it gone beyond this stage? I've told them my finances, I could show them a budget sheet but I doubt they'd take any notice. Their suggestions are basically just not to tell the benefits agency and commmit fraud. Then they say I'm being silly when I point out that I could go to prison for that!

good luck, it's a tough time for you and i'm very sorry to hear about your mum thanks x
xx

Firstly Big hug and a sigh!

Secondly, does your sister know what kind of situation you are in? Maybe its time to sit your sister and dad down and have a frank talk with them. Also gently reminding your sister of her selfish behaviour when this happend to her. Oh they know, I've told them at each step of the way when I've found benefits stuff out. I sent them an email yesterday setting it all out clearly - and included a gentle reminder to sis. I don't think either of them will check their emails till tonight at the earliest though.

But find out your rights and ask an estate agent to come over with your sister present so she can ask the question "will this be worth more in XX" the estate agent will probably look at her cross eyed lol. My sister has an amazing capability to not hear anything negative. When mum was in the hospice she still didn't accept how serious it was. A few days before mum died, the doctor phoned her and told her she needed to come up asap. I was in the room, so I know what the doctor said, but all sister heard was the worst it'll be if you leave it a few weeks is mum won't be able to talk. So when the estate agents were there valuing the place, she didn't hear 'wont sell' she heard 'will be worth tens of thousands more if done up and don't put it on the market too soon because after six weeks it wont sell'. She really does live in a little world of her own.

Good Luck

Looloo, thanks for the advice. I'll try and convince them to put it up for sale in September, but I think she'll still try the 'it needs a new bathroom and carpets and redecorating so we need to wait till April' line. One of the estate agents pointed out that people aren't wanting to buy top notch homes, they're looking for bargains that they can do up themselves because it's cheaper. But she's ignoring that. Then again, the other EA said the opposite.

[LooLoo]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Honestly sometimes doing a house up makes little or no difference - as long it is clean and empty it will sell - honestly you would just have to see some of the places we sell... Most people when they move in, even if they move into a palace will still change things.

It will probably be good for a young couple first time buyers or even a devloper.

Also a point to note is always get 3 estate agents round and take the middle figure as correct (it is also an idea to use more of an idepentant one with more local knowledge rathter than a ahem chain....)

Also always have a bit of a haggle over commission - they will want your business!

Also is there any outstanding mortgage on the house? as obv that will have to be paid if you hang on to it?

I would def not waste time or money doing it up - just get it nice and clean, the garden looking nice and it will be snapped up

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[IF]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Big hugs from me too Ames

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Big hugs from me too Ames

And from me.

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Honestly sometimes doing a house up makes little or no difference - as long it is clean and empty it will sell - honestly you would just have to see some of the places we sell... Most people when they move in, even if they move into a palace will still change things. I've been trying to tell them that but they just don't believe me.

It will probably be good for a young couple first time buyers or even a devloper. Yup. But they don't believe me.

Also a point to note is always get 3 estate agents round and take the middle figure as correct (it is also an idea to use more of an idepentant one with more local knowledge rathter than a ahem chain....) We got two, a chain who said it'll never sell unless for bottom price, and a local one who said it'll sell no problem for more than the chain said, and even more if it's done up.

Also always have a bit of a haggle over commission - they will want your business! Thanks for that, it wouldn't have occurred to me.

Also is there any outstanding mortgage on the house? as obv that will have to be paid if you hang on to it? Yup, there's a mortgage, I think the idea is that we'll pay it until sis is ready to sell. By 'we' I think she means me.

I would def not waste time or money doing it up - just get it nice and clean, the garden looking nice and it will be snapped up

xxxxxxxxxxxx

There's a further complication in that she wants to sell to dad without involving any estate agents. To do that, dad needs to sell his house - but he hasn't even had it valued. It was dad's idea, and he's been pushing it ever since mum was diagnosed. But there's huge practical issues that they haven't considered.

Then there's the benefits thing - I need to prove that I'm trying to sell it and it's all above board. Dad and sister doing it up for him to buy without anything to show he's actually going to buy it, is going to look very dodgy and not help my cause.

It's all just a huge mess, and I'm really starting to think that I'm going to have to get a solicitor to deal with them on my behalf. I really don't want to do that as they're the only family I've got and I don't really have any RL friends and so risking losing them is the last thing I want to do.

The phone rang earlier, two rings then stopped before I got to it, it was dad, so I'm assuming he's read the email. I'm really nervous about having to talk to them about it now, they'll just try to push me into what they want. The fact that he hung up before I had chance to answer makes me think he's angry about it, he's probably talking to sister about me.

I really fancy takeaway now, a treat after a hard couple of days, but I daren't do that because of the diabetes thing.

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Ames, what area is the house in question in?

I know the postal areas so just give the numbers after the beginning two letters if it's not too personal. It may help

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

why don't you just sell your half to them; and thus walk away now before things turn?

You're right, seeking legal advice is touchy but unfortunately what's needed right now to tow them into line. It's not upto them to bully you!!

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

It's in YO11.

I can't sell to them because neither can afford to buy. Sister wont get a mortgage for my half, and dad's already got a mortgage on his house.