Everything getting on top of me.

[garlok]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames,

Hope you will read all of this when you awake. Getting a legal rep is the first step in getting the stress out of the way. On the question of your mother's estate, most decent solicitors will work through this for you at a very small percentage of the estates' total worth. If they are forced into a court situation (which they will win IMVHO) by your sister and father it will be your sister with the big bill and I do know of cases similar where the solicitor acting for someone such as yourself has reported matters to the probate court and the transgressor has been hauled before them on contempt.

I would venture to suggest that there is some underlying agenda that your father and sister do not want legal professionals to be involved. I have not come across such reluctance in the past as there can be pitfalls indoing it all yourself when property in particular is involved.

Don't worry about the clearance issues, that will be dealt in the fulness of time when the estate is settled by the PERSON or persons granted the L of A's. Most family law people have a range of local contacts to help with all of this (something you won't get from the big corporates). Take another look at legal aid for your own issues and don't worry about LPAs, as I have said , for a good local sol they have to act in your best interests only and yours alone, they will be deprived of their careers if they fail to do so.

See how you get on but please act with some speed now. If you are stuck I have been made aware of a specialist in the Malvern Worcs area for vulnerable adults ( due to my OH's younger brother) and will get all their contact details if you are really stuck. But local may be best for you first.

regards
Garlok

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames,

Hope you will read all of this when you awake. Getting a legal rep is the first step in getting the stress out of the way. On the question of your mother's estate, most decent solicitors will work through this for you at a very small percentage of the estates' total worth. So, it'd cost me a few thousand then? (estate value after debts IRO 125k, although that includes the car which sister has and wont give me a share of the value of). If they are forced into a court situation (which they will win IMVHO) by your sister and father it will be your sister with the big bill and I do know of cases similar where the solicitor acting for someone such as yourself has reported matters to the probate court and the transgressor has been hauled before them on contempt.

I would venture to suggest that there is some underlying agenda that your father and sister do not want legal professionals to be involved. I have not come across such reluctance in the past as there can be pitfalls indoing it all yourself when property in particular is involved. It's purely money. Why pay someone thousands to do something you can do yourself. A family friend died last year and his widow dealt with it on her own - but of course that was far more straightforward as everything just went to her. (no will there either).

Don't worry about the clearance issues, that will be dealt in the fulness of time when the estate is settled by the PERSON or persons granted the L of A's. Most family law people have a range of local contacts to help with all of this (something you won't get from the big corporates) I've actually got the opposite problem - they want to get rid of everything, including all the furniture. I want to keep some of it, as if/when I buy a house I'll need more furniture. . Take another look at legal aid for your own issues Ok, I'll give the law advice poeople a ring, although I'm pretty certain legal aid isn't available for this kind of thing. and don't worry about LPAs, as I have said , for a good local sol they have to act in your best interests only and yours alone, they will be deprived of their careers if they fail to do so. If someone has LPA over my affairs, how much control do they have? Do they decide how much I get for certain things, ie give me a food budget, would I have to ask over every purchase - ie, if I want to go into town for a coffee? Or is it just to keep an eye on my spending? Also, once this is all over and I'm back on an even keel, how hard would it be to stop the LPA and take control of my affairs again?

See how you get on but please act with some speed now. If you are stuck I have been made aware of a specialist in the Malvern Worcs area for vulnerable adults ( due to my OH's younger brother) and will get all their contact details if you are really stuck. But local may be best for you first. My cousin works for an advocacy service for adults with mental health, I've been seriously thinking about getting in touch with them.

regards
Garlok

When you say get a local solicitor, is that local to me or to the estate?

Dad's interested still in buying the house, but he's going to do it all above board, put the offer in writing, go through a solicitor etc. He's come round to my way of thinking a lot, I think he was really shocked at the way sister was talking to me last night, he probably didn't realise how bad she is with me.

He said he'll buy it for the valuation, and if he has more profit than that from his house then he'll split it and give it to us.

They're both offended by the thought of needing insurance while they're working on the house. I was going to buy some myself for peace of mind, but I guess since they'll be working illegally the insurance would be invalid anyway.

Ugh, yes, a solicitor is vital isn't it. I'll get onto it on Monday, my head's just too mashed today.

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

A very nice lady from IM has just called me back.

She says I do have a duty to maximise the estate, but as no-one knows how the market is going to change, selling it quickly to avoid a further down turn is perfectly acceptable, although if I wanted to really cover myself I could get expert advice from an EA, especially about the work sister's doing. I equally have a responsibility to stop it losing value, which it could well do if left till Spring.

She said that as I have all the power sister can't do much.

The further complication (in my favour) is the mortgage. As all debts, including the mortgage, have to be settled before disbursement, in practical terms that means the mortgage co will want it selling asap to get the money. If sister has a problem with that she'll have to buy me out and pay off the mortgage herself.

So, basically what I've been telling sis all along - but since it comes from someone with the right letters after their name she's more likely to listen. (I'll leave out the bit about them being a crap company).

[garlok]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames,

At this moment in time until Letters of Administration have been granted no one has any power at all and the status quo at the point in time of your mother's death must be maintained.

regards
Garlok

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Sorry, yes, I meant I'd have all the power once the letters of administration come through.

[garlok]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Oh and sorry the only bill that can be paid from the estate is the actual Funeral Director's bill normally 30 days. Anything else leaves you open to an acuusation of theft.

Garlok

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Yes, she meant (said, I probably didn't put it clearly) that once the letters of administration are issued, the debts of the estate have to be settled before distribution to the beneficiaries. And that the mortgage company wont wait forever for their money while sister drags her heels and insists on waiting for some magical change in the housing market.

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Well, sister's just phoned and I stood up to her:

She called to say Vanquis are getting antsy about wanting their money (a whopping £250). I used the opportunity to say that the mortgage people will want paying once the probate goes through. She said it's fine, as long as we tell them we intend to sell it. She doesn't seem to realise that they'll want proof of that, not just her say so :

She was going on and on and on about having to clear the house out, saying it was disgusting that I sent the email, and disgusting that I raised points about what if dad dies in the next five years after gifting us thousands, what if he goes into a care home etc. Dad understood where I was coming from, that it was practicality, sister thought I was wishing him dead and being money grabbing.

Anyway, I told her twice that I wasn't up to this conversation, that the crisis psych team are involved and that I've been suicidal over it all.

She didn't listen and carried on having a go at me.

I told her that she's already broken the law by taking (ok, I said stealing) the car (and getting awkward with me for saying I'll have furniture instead, it's not fair that she doesn't get any, even though the value of all the furniture combined is less than that of the car. And I don't want all of it anyway). and that throwing stuff out and putting in a new kitchen is also something she doesn't have the legal right to do. She said that's ridiculous, that she's not stealing dust and muck by cleaning the place :

Then I told her that I'm going to hand it all over to a probate solicitor because I'm just not up to dealing with it. If it costs me a few grand then it's worth it to avoid self harm or throwing myself under a car.

She said I could hand it all over to her

So I very calmly said that I wont do that because I don't trust her. It's harsh and horrible, but I just don't trust her to act in my best interests. Then said again that I can't have this conversation now, and hung up.

Her numbers are also wrong too. She thinks if dad sells his house for 165k, we'll get 80k each.

Errr, it's five k to pay back dad what he's spent on mum's house.
30k for the mortgage.
a few k for conveyencing fees etc.

So we should come out with around 60k each.

I really do wonder what planet she lives on sometimes.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself for staying calm and just repeating my position.

[garlok]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Thats brilliant Ames. Follow through with getting legal representation and the stress will lift away. All you will have to do is keep a weather eye on it all, report anything you feel is wrongdoing to them etc. and they will ask you to sign papers as and when each stage is dealt with.

They really are there to support you and they MUST always act in your best interests or face the consequences.

I will be talking to someone about LPAs maybe even this evening if I can get them so anything useful to protect your interests I will pass on.

Garlok

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Brilliant, thanks.

I'm still reeling from her comment last night that I shouldn't be shocked with the diabetes diagnosis because I knew I'd had the tests, and then that she carried on trying to railroad me when I'd told her I wasn't in a good place, she just has no consideration or empathy whatsoever for anyone else.

[confused76]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

well done for standing up to her...i know it's hard when you're struggling so a big well done to you

as Garlock says above, if you now get the legal representation then this will take the rest of the stress away, let someone else take the strain of this for you. x

[Pixie]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Hi Ames

I don't have any advice to give - and it seems like you're getting plenty of good advice anyway. I just want to offer my support. Take care of yourself x

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

It might be wise to get the house locks changed.

[Ames]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

CC, I'm just not strong enough for that level of confrontation. On Monday (or tomorrow if they're open) I'm going to look into getting a solicitor to take over the administration, so they can decide whether that's necessary and take the steps if it is.

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Everything getting on top of me.

Wise move. Best of luck - let the experts deal with it. Click the link in CC's signature