How many texts are too many?

[kilasuit]

now i have the time i decided that i wanted to work out how many texts i and the missus use on our respective contracts.

So i went online to save pdf.s of all bills

So shock horror that in 1 month to 1 number there was 1664 messages from her to another bloke.


Kinda think i'm being played for a fool.

Dont really wanna think about us splitting up but seems the realistic choice atm due to all circumstances and now crap like this.

Or am i being stupid seeing as i cant see those messages, just the amount of them.

[Pixie]

Re: How many texts are too many?

More than 50 texts a day does seem excessive.

Just some thoughts:

- How do you know the texts were to another bloke?

- Were there calls to this bloke's number?

- Did you already have suspicions and that was the reason you checked the bills? (I can't think of any other reason - most contracts have unlimited texts so it can't be cost)

- Did she know you were going to be checking the bills?

- Have you talked to her about it? There may be an innocent reason.

Obviously, I don't know what your relationship was like before you lost your job but you losing your job will have affected her too. You have the forum where you can discuss things and let off a bit of steam. Maybe this guy is the same for her.

I wouldn't be thinking about splitting up if your relationship is okay otherwise. Unemployment/money worries can put an enormous strain on any relationship but it's possible to get through it together.

You have a lot going on in your life at the moment. I hope it all works out for you

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: How many texts are too many?

1664 messages to another person period, is waaaaay too many!



Good luck mate, hope it's all innocent. Think/speak before you act too hastily.

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

i know from looking at her phone and matching the numbers to the contacts.

calls i'm not sure about

Kinda its been somat that's played my mind for 2 and half years though due to money i was more trying to see if she'd manage on a PAYG tariff to free up some money.

Nope but conveniently there are no texts to this number in particular and another number that's cropped up too.

Unfortunately she's got a history for this sort of thing and it wouldn't be the 1st time with me either.

Funny how a similar but tables turned arguement with me chatting to her best mates sister about the 3 of them falling out caused an argument.

If it was just me and her it wouldn't be a problem as I'd had got shot of her before now. Though saying that the ability to talk in hindsight allows me to come to that conclusion whether that would have been the case or not well no-one will ever know will they.

Unfortunately there is my 2 and half yr old to consider in all of this which no matter what decision i make would have to be for his benefit more than mine.

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

1664 messages to another person period, is waaaaay too many!



Good luck mate, hope it's all innocent. Think/speak before you act too hastily.

i found it out at 1am, aint been to bed yet cos i know i'd make an irrational decison either way

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Plus being an ex-nightowl for McDs I'm used to being up for 30+hours without feeling too much like I've been dragged in my own vomit.

[Pixie]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Like Niddy says, don't do anything too hastily though, as she has history for this sort of thing, the writing might be on the wall for your relationship.

You're right, your son is the most important person to consider in all this.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do x

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Please don't get too upset and angry at your partner yet because it could well be more innocent than you think

So long as these are simply text messages and she's not meeting up with this bloke then it's not an affair or infidelity in my book. It may be disrespectful of her but not necessarily relationship busting. These are possibly texts not sexts.

You say you've been working 30 hours shifts at McDonalds and she's been home alone with your two year old night after night suffering noisy neighbours fighting upstairs. She can't go out and have fun like other 18 year olds with a toddler asleep upstairs. Maybe it was boredom and isolation that got her texting and nothing more. You probably wouldn't have minded if she was sending 1,000+ texts to a girfriend. This might only be a mate. Some of my best mates are men and I send texts to them all the time and they're often flirtatious ones too, but I'd die if they came round and jumped on me in a misunderstanding

The good thing is that you're now both home together with a two year old and I'd build on that even if it means you ask her to stop texting because it upsets you. The good old fashion expression 'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater' works here.

Good Luck

Plan B x

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

unfortunatly we had fallen out in the past due to similar circumstances and this bloke she was messaging she was also seeing him behind my back (and again this time too)

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

unfortunatly we had fallen out in the past due to similar circumstances and this bloke she was messaging she was also seeing him behind my back (and again this time too)

Then if you want to hold on to her you may have to woo her all over again to win back her affection

If it was me I'd buy her flowers, get a babysitter, take her out to supper and tell her how much you love her and you know you've been under pressure at work and away most nights but you're going to make it better for you both (or rather all three of you) from now on. We girls fall for charm and romance every time

Alternatively you can dump her and leave her with a 2 year old to manage all by herself at 18 years old and hope she lets you see him as often as you want

I know which option I'd choose

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Yeah but i'd be going for custody. Plus I have family with ability to support both of us where as her family are mainly benefit claimants.

Plus she knows that I wouldn't back down in the slightest.

It's definitely one of those situations where I'm gonna have to have a chat with dearest mother of mine.

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Yeah but i'd be going for custody. Plus I have family with ability to support both of us where as her family are mainly benefit claimants.

Plus she knows that I wouldn't back down in the slightest.

It's definitely one of those situations where I'm gonna have to have a chat with dearest mother of mine.

That's the wisest thing you've said about this incident so far

I'm a mother of a twenty-something year old 'child' and she confides in me about her relationships and then promptly ignores me But it's good to get a view from someone who knows you both.

From what you say I sense that you want out of this relationship and the discovery of the texts is all the ammunition you needed, and perhaps you even went looking for it. But please at least listen to your Mum first because although you want custody of your son if you go back to work think about who will look after him day-to-day

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all three of you because this is about the three of you

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: How many texts are too many?

unfortunatly we had fallen out in the past due to similar circumstances and this bloke she was messaging she was also seeing him behind my back (and again this time too)

well from what you're saying mate maybe it's time to kick her out and move on, without the stress of wondering if you're Mrs is shagging the fit neighbour, or mate whatever.

Not meaning to sound harsh but you are saying she has history with the same guy she's now texting so it must mean one thing, there is no middle or 3rd point - there simply can't be can there?

Either live with it and get yourself a wee slapper to play with to get even, or kick her out - your child really doesn't come into things at this stage (with the greatest of respect) - you come first then you do what is right for the child. I mean, it's pointless staying unhappy for a child - no. That is nonsense and no medical or child professional will suggest doing that, only the insane suggest staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids (what this really means is they want their cake and eat it).

Anyway, best of luck. I was hoping it'd be all innocent but this can't be - it's just not possible is it?

Wife for sale, £9.99 on eBay tomorrow....

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Then if you want to hold on to her you may have to woo her all over again to win back her affection

If it was me I'd buy her flowers, get a babysitter, take her out to supper and tell her how much you love her and you know you've been under pressure at work and away most nights but you're going to make it better for you both (or rather all three of you) from now on. We girls fall for charm and romance every time

Thing is I'm sorta seeing this as yet more reasoning to be making a complete fresh start.
Kinda hard not to.
Money problems then work issues that lead to more work issues and then housing too. And now this. Think it may be best to boot lot into touch and make a fresh start.
Get a career not a min wage job.
Get the money together to afford my own place (none of this renting milarke)
Get out of the dump of a town I'm in. I can't remember last time I heard anything good being said about me except by ex-colleagues and ex-managers.
The town is full of backstabbing jerks. Always looking to get 1 up on you no matter the consequences.

On a lighter note. Shopping to do. Challenge is week for 3 of us under £30.

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

. . . . pointless staying unhappy for a child - no. That is nonsense and no medical or child professional will suggest doing that, only the insane suggest staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids (what this really means is they want their cake and eat it).

Anyway, best of luck. I was hoping it'd be all innocent but this can't be - it's just not possible is it?

Wife for sale, £9.99 on eBay tomorrow....

All I can add to that is you should both read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus also available on eBay tomorrow for £11.70

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/000717613...&hvptwo=&hvqmt=