How many texts are too many?

[jon1965]

Re: How many texts are too many?

If either of you two old farts need some help I have a website link

Kila, I speak from experience, there is never a good time to do it, and to be honest the longer you leave it (if you are sure that it is the right thing for you) the worse it is and the more you will regret not having done it before.
You really do have to think of yourself because no one else will

[Handyman]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I suppose it'd do no harm either, to click one of those spam emails you probably get about the blue pill.....

* sorreeeee

No need mate all they would do these days is stop me rolling out bed

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I suppose it'd do no harm either, to click one of those spam emails you probably get about the blue pill.....

* sorreeeee

[Handyman]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Killasuit Mate, the wisdom of the world is here. Most of us on here have more than a few miles on the clock. Trust me we have all been through the mill. Now regardless of your situation there is a child to consider. I will lay my cards out I'm a middle aged bloke who never had one of his own. When having an argument with my Druggy stepson he said you may have done everything but you never filled a pram.

Now what you do is really your decision, go or stay. I don't think anything I say will have any effect on what you decide. But consider the child.

2 of my stepsons have kids, who have or will grow up to be total chav's. They have all been indoctrinated to believe that their Fathers are a total waste of space. Both of them should have gone for full custody, but that would have ruined their plans.

Now they get little or no access they bitterly regret not stepping up to the mark earlier.

I know from reading your posts you love your wee one. And I know you are a hard working responsible young bloke. If I could take on an apprentice you would be on the short list as there is more to life than burger flipping.

Please listen to what Jen and Plan B say really think this through before you do anything daft. Use your head and not your heart. I don't know what sort of Mum your girl will be on her own? But make sure the child comes first in any decision you make.

At the end of the day your 50% responsible for bringing the child into this world and when you have kids their need take over any thing you may need until they are of age.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. I have been a total twat in my life and have both wronged and been wronged.

Fingers crossed that you can work things out.

Regards, Handy

[jen_br]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Kilasuit - I have re-read and re-read this thread I mean this is your life we are talking about here

You were both very young when you entered into this family unit and its completely normal for things to start turning especially when the stats are stacked against you.

I won't defend what she has done but I get it... Its hard being a young mum, being with the same person for so long etc... sometimes a lil flirt or compliment goes a long way -- im not condoning it but I understand.

It sounds like you both have some growing up to do -- if you choose to leave or to stay I think in your heart you know the answer. Let's face it mate I hate to say it but you didn't just check the phone bills for a money saving excersize as most plans come with unlimited even as a low amount. Part of you had a thought or an inkling.

Your hurt, your ego is bruised and you feel shitty! So just think long and hard and don't do anything irrational - this woman will be in your life forever remember that the more awkward you make it now the harder life will become.

Act like an adult and try to do it amicable

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Please don't do this Kilasuit

Maybe take a temporary break from each other and see who misses who and so rethinks their behaviour and lifestyle

[Pixie]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I agree with you P1.

Kilasuit stood by his girlfriend when she got pregnant when a lot of 20year old lads would have cut and run.

He's always struck me as level-headed and mature and it would seem that he wants the family life. However, family life shouldn't include his girlfriend texting, let alone seeing, other blokes. I think it's the girlfriend who's tired of family life and not being "free", as you put it PlanB.

There's only so much a person, male or female, can put up with from their partner and I think kilasuit's girlfriend has gone way beyond that with her behaviour.

It is NEVER a good idea for couples to stay together for the sake of the children. Yes, babies and toddlers are demanding but so are teenagers and all the ages inbetween! Yes, ideally, children will have 2 parents who live with them as a happy family but that's not always possible. Children can still grow up into well-adjusted adults even if their parents split up.

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Thing is I'm sorta seeing this as yet more reasoning to be making a complete fresh start.
Kinda hard not to.
Money problems then work issues that lead to more work issues and then housing too. And now this. Think it may be best to boot lot into touch and make a fresh start.
Get a career not a min wage job.
Get the money together to afford my own place (none of this renting milarke)
Get out of the dump of a town I'm in. I can't remember last time I heard anything good being said about me except by ex-colleagues and ex-managers.
The town is full of backstabbing jerks. Always looking to get 1 up on you no matter the consequences.

^^^^

[PriorityOne]

Re: How many texts are too many?

One question to ask yourself is are you really tired of your girlfriend, or simply tired of family life, and so want to cut and run to be a singleton again?

I'm not sure Kilasuit has ever said he's tired of family life, or that he wanted to cut and run. He's simply questioning his girlfriend's behaviour and has every right to do that. It's despicable....

They are meant to be in a relationship.... and in a relationship, you don't spend your time sending numerous texts to different men for any reason at all..... not in my book anyway.

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

So yeah Monday I think I'm telling her I go to council for housing advice

So you're not fully decided then. Good. You need to be open minded at times like these. Why do this on Monday, and why not Tuesday or Wednesday; because the step you're about to take could be one of the biggest you will ever make in your whole life. Don't take it lightly.

One question to ask yourself is are you really tired of your girlfriend, or simply tired of family life, and so want to cut and run to be a singleton again?

I know a judge who says he would love to change the law so that couples with children under three years wouldn't be granted a divorce because even the cutest little kids can put a stain on any relationship with their relentless demands. You're 22 and she's 18 and from what you say you've been a terrific bloke who's stood by her through thick and thin since she was pregnant at 16. Good for you

I had my first child at 36 years old. By then I'd been round the world more times than Richard Branson. I had done everything and was happy to settle down and start a family. I wasn't 'free' again until nearly 60 Other mates of mine had their kids young and were 'free' again at 40. Lucky buggers. I think age is an issue here as much as everything else.

[PriorityOne]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I had seen some messages back feb march time and confronted her then as they all implied that something had happened

Also before that another lad in September last year too. And she's been messaging him since then even after telling me she had stopped it.

So yeah Monday I think I'm telling her I go to council for housing advice

Sounds like you already know what your lady is capable of. The question you need to ask yourself is..... do you want to live the rest of your life like this, with a person who behaves like this?

Working hours on end or not is no excuse for a partner to mess around (flirting. texting, sexting or otherwise) to get attention from other men.... but for some people out there, it's acceptable to treat a partner like that. It isn't. You've already had conversations about the same behaviour in the past, she has already dallied with the same man in the past.... and now there's another one on the scene.....

IMO, she's playing mind games with you..... and one way or another, it needs to get sorted for your own sanity.

[LooLoo]

Re: How many texts are too many?

Good luck with this Kilasuit - it's tough - and I think the guys have already said the kind of things I would normally say....

at least you know you have a place to come and let off steam and chat things over

The main thing is to talk this over with her and stay calm and see what she says.

take care
LL
x

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I had seen some messages back feb march time and confronted her then as they all implied that something had happened

Also before that another lad in September last year too. And she's been messaging him since then even after telling me she had stopped it.

So yeah Monday I think I'm telling her I go to council for housing advice

If these are just saucy texts to different lads without evidence that she's actually met up with any of them maybe consider this was harmless flirtation. We all do it even at my age and I'm probably older than your Mum

Before you show her the door on Monday at least have a damn good argument to get to the bottom of it and clear the air. She may admit that she's done this but defend her position by saying she was lonely while you worked all those night shifts I'm not saying it's your fault or that you drove her to it, which is what people tend to try to use that as an excuse for bad behaviour. But she may not have realized how hurtful this is for you. You seem proper angry at her but you also seem sad to be considering the end of a relationship where you were both once so happy

I feel it's so unlikely that any of this was serious stuff. It's also unlikely that any of these cheeky lads were hoping to lure her away from you to set up home with an 18 year old and small child. They were probably just chancers who were toying with her affections and taking advantage of her being at home alone all the time

If you're planning a Fresh Start why not take her and the little lad with you so you can make a fresh start together away from all the stuff which has brought you to this stage? A new home with a new job and new friends away from these naughty boys could be a turning point for both of you

All I'm saying is maybe give it one more go before ending this relationship because regret lasts a very long time

[PlanB]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I can see a new website coming up...

I have to agree with Jen on this one, texting is often just a way to pass the time, to have a *chat* or a moan about something. Most of the people I txt regularly I don't see in months!

Funny how you should mention that

[kilasuit]

Re: How many texts are too many?

I had seen some messages back feb march time and confronted her then as they all implied that something had happened

Also before that another lad in September last year too. And she's been messaging him since then even after telling me she had stopped it.

So yeah Monday I think I'm telling her I go to council for housing advice