Gambling

[confused76]

My brother is a recovering alcoholic (4 years without drinking i think?) but pretty much replaced drink with food. He is currently receiving therapy for this, which is a step forward for him. However, I spoke to him earlier and he confessed he has been gambling over the last 3 months.

Gambling went hand in hand with his drinking and I thought those days were behind him. I am desperately worried about what he is doing to himself but feel somewhat helpless.

On a practical level, is there anything I can do to help him other than be there and listen when he wants to talk?

[BBoo]

Re: Gambling

If he is now receptive to therapy and help, the BMA has produced a list of organisations offering help:


Organisations in the UK that provide treatment, support and advice for people with gambling addiction - The British Medical Association


On a personal level, it is always desperately hard to see anyone you care about suffering from any addiction. All you can really do is be there for them, and keep supporting and encouraging, keep raising the notion of therapy and NEVER EVER judge them.

Good luck!

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

Thanks Bboo... we had a really good chat earlier and he is (thankfully) open to therapy so i'll bring this up next time I see him. He knows I don't judge him which is why he opened up to me I think.

I just wish I could help..

Thanks for the link Bboo xx

[SXGuy]

Re: Gambling

personally im not sure if seeing someone about a gambling addiction is the answer, it sounds to me from what you have said, thats its an general addiction that is the problem here, drink, gambling, over eating, are all symptons of the underlying issue.

The question is, is it a subconcious need to replace something which he feels he has lost? maybe a childhood trauma?

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

personally im not sure if seeing someone about a gambling addiction is the answer, it sounds to me from what you have said, thats its an general addiction that is the problem here, drink, gambling, over eating, are all symptons of the underlying issue.

The question is, is it a subconcious need to replace something which he feels he has lost? maybe a childhood trauma?

I agree, he definitely replaced drinking with over eating. He's seeing someone who has said when they can get to the bottom of it, all of these things should fall into place.

As for the second bit, i'm sat here trying to think what could be at the bottom of it all, I just don't know. I wonder if he even knows?

I just needed to vent really, I can't tell anyone offline
Thanks for the replies x

[PriorityOne]

Re: Gambling

My brother is a recovering alcoholic (4 years without drinking i think?) but pretty much replaced drink with food. He is currently receiving therapy for this, which is a step forward for him. However, I spoke to him earlier and he confessed he has been gambling over the last 3 months.

Gambling went hand in hand with his drinking and I thought those days were behind him. I am desperately worried about what he is doing to himself but feel somewhat helpless.

On a practical level, is there anything I can do to help him other than be there and listen when he wants to talk?

personally im not sure if seeing someone about a gambling addiction is the answer, it sounds to me from what you have said, thats its an general addiction that is the problem here, drink, gambling, over eating, are all symptons of the underlying issue.

The question is, is it a subconcious need to replace something which he feels he has lost? maybe a childhood trauma?

This does not sound like an isolated gambling addiction, I agree. Your brother seems to have an addictive personality and if he is able to think back to a time/age when the first type of addiction started and the circumstanes surrounding that, it could be an important starting point for unravelling why he feels the (subconscious) need to do it.

Therapy is an excellent idea but very long-winded, has a long waiting list and depending on the therapist, may not work anyway. It can also sometimes be quite painful for people to resurrect memories that have laid buried for some time and as such, a lot depends upon the professional relationship between client and therapist. Do you know what kind of therapy it is?.... as there are several branches within psychology. Has he been referred by a GP?

Also, has he reached a stage where he can now honestly "own" his addictive behaviour, or are there times when he still tries to justify it or is embarrassed by it?

Owning a problem is the first step to dealing with an issue but it's not always an easy process. Your brother is very lucky to have you as a support and by just listening, you are probably helping far more than you realise.

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

Yes, he has an addictive personality which he gets from my dad, which i have to some degree. All of these things are connected with him.

My parents are paying for a private therapist, I don't know what type it is.

He knows he shouldn't be gambling and he knows he's digging himself deeper financially but he says there is this compulsion that he can't stop. I would say he 'owns' his issues (he doesn't blame others for his actions) but there is still a great big gap between owning it and changing it. It's like he is frightened to make that leap and make a change. To be honest the therapy he is getting is a big leap forward for him so maybe I should be patient, I know these things don't change overnight. I'm just scared he is digging deeper financially

Thanks for listening xx

[IF]

Re: Gambling

Can't add anymore that hasn't been said already Conf but I'm sending a big hug matey, as it can so difficult helping a loved one. He's a lucky Brother to have a Sister like you

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

Can't add anymore that hasn't been said already Conf but I'm sending a big hug matey, as it can so difficult helping a loved one. He's a lucky Brother to have a Sister like you

thanks IF

[PriorityOne]

Re: Gambling

Yes, he has an addictive personality which he gets from my dad, which i have to some degree. All of these things are connected with him.

My parents are paying for a private therapist, I don't know what type it is.

He knows he shouldn't be gambling and he knows he's digging himself deeper financially but he says there is this compulsion that he can't stop. I would say he 'owns' his issues (he doesn't blame others for his actions) but there is still a great big gap between owning it and changing it. It's like he is frightened to make that leap and make a change. To be honest the therapy he is getting is a big leap forward for him so maybe I should be patient, I know these things don't change overnight. I'm just scared he is digging deeper financially

Thanks for listening xx

It sounds as if he's on the right track.... :-) A private therapist will be able to see him more quickly and you are right, change will be slow because it has to be.

Big hugs to you both....

[Pixie]

Re: Gambling

I know from experience how difficult it is to help someone with an addictive personality.

Your brother needs to want to change for himself not because other people want it and therapy's good but it's a long process.

Like IF says he's lucky to have a family who care so much. Big hugs

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

It sounds as if he's on the right track.... :-) A private therapist will be able to see him more quickly and you are right, change will be slow because it has to be.

Big hugs to you both....

I hope so...thanks P1

I know from experience how difficult it is to help someone with an addictive personality.

Your brother needs to want to change for himself not because other people want it and therapy's good but it's a long process.

Like IF says he's lucky to have a family who care so much. Big hugs

thanks Pixie. I think he wants to change but I think he is also scared to change if that makes sense. I'm going round to see how he's doing next week

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Gambling

Might hypnotherapy help?

[confused76]

Re: Gambling

Thanks CC that's actually what he is having, I wasn't sure whether to say what he's having or not.

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Gambling

Thanks CC that's actually what he is having, I wasn't sure whether to say what he's having or not.

Yes, I can see two ways that might work:

1. relaxation therapy, to help him to avoid the desire to gamble
2. planting a post-hypnotic suggestion so that, whenever he enters a gambling establishment or a bookmakers, he drops his trousers and craps on the floor. This will soon get him banned everywhere.