Is it me??!

[cookie2112]

I am at the end of my tether and seriously thinking about whether to carry on with this charade, 24 years down the line and I feel like the hired f-ing help, get moaned at when things aren't done or tidy or whatever and I think (and often say), I work full time and do everything. What I also want to say but don't is, I earn the most money and pay for everything so you wouldn't even have a home if it wasn't for me, or food come to that, and yet I am not only expected to do every single other thing needed but also get critised if I don't do it. At the moment he is concerned for his mother and trust me I have been very very understanding and ignored the moaning and moon swings but there is only so much I can take, and that doesn't excuse the countless other times he has made me feel totally inadequate. Sorry, but I am so peed off at the moment...wondering what the point is really. He isn't a bad person just thoughtless really.....and I am growing weary of it to be honest. Apologies, rant over.

[Sapphire]

Re: Is it me??!

Hey, hey feel free to have a massive rant and rave hunny, its good to get it off your chest. Now hun is he the type that you can sit down, have a cuppa and put your point across to ? I think we need a plan to sort this out before it goes too far.

[cookie2112]

Re: Is it me??!

Thanks Sapphire, he can be reasonable but the subject of cleaning and tidying seems to get a bit out of hand, I don't want to be criticised obviously and he thinks he is helping me when he points out what I do wrong....or don't do right, if there is a difference! This 'conversation' has come up many timed and I keep telling him I can't do it all on my own! To be honest I don't see why I should either and the older I get the more it annoys me. He does have a very physical job and a very bad back (waiting for an op), which is why I just get on and do things but I have obviously just made my life harder in the long run.....what a muppet!

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Is it me??!

I wonder if his mum does it right? Then I wonder if he's a mummy's boy before finally concluding - tell him to bloody well do it himself if he doesn't like how it's done.

Thats what Poppy does. She just walks away and leaves it leaving me to do it or apologise for pointing out she missed a bit (under my feet which I refused to move)..... You need to toughen up to him.

[Sapphire]

Re: Is it me??!

We have a cleaning lady once a week, so I'm really lucky, she does the dusting, hoovering, the bathrooms and kitchen but not heavy stuff and usually helps me change the bed every Friday but I now have to cover the office so its down to me on my own at the weekend.
Yesterday morning I got up early, showered and was going to do the Sainsbury's run, just before I left I said to him when you get up can you strip the bed, then when I get back we can put the new linen on together, we have a Queen size bed and he knows its practically impossible for me to do it alone.
I'd been out about and hour and a half, when I got home, he was dressed, breakfasted and chatting on the phone, the bed wasn't touched, so I had a proper kick off at him and told him if he wants me to work full time then he has to at least help when I ask which isn't often.
Today he couldn't have been more helpful.
What I'm trying to say is sometimes you just have to sit and explain it in plain english hun and explain that its now getting too much for you and you can't carry on without help, so just say either he helps you or he puts his hand in his pocket for a cleaning lady once a week.

[cookie2112]

Re: Is it me??!

Thanks Niddy and Sapphire, you are both right and I do tell him, he just likes to have a moan I think and usually I just ignore it but it really annoyed me earlier. I know subtle hints don't work, if I tell him to do something he usually does it but I shouldn't have to tell him, he can see it just the same as I can! He used to live on his own (a long time ago), so I know he is very capable of doing all of it but since we have lived together he has just left it all to me! Anyway, enough of my whinging, I will grow a pair and deal with it, no more mrs nice guy!

By the way, liking the idea of a cleaner, wonder how much that would cost!!

Thank you both x

[Sapphire]

Re: Is it me??!

You are so very welcome, you have as many rants as you want, if it makes you feel better etc etc.

We pay our lady £10 hour, she comes for two or three hours a week, seriously its money well spent and yes, I would go without something to have her, weekends are basically mine nowadays to do what I want and we get on so much better for it too as I'm not stressing about having to get things done.

[cookie2112]

Re: Is it me??!

Thank you so much, do feel much better for getting it off my chest, going to try and work out if we could afford a cleaner now!

[cymruambyth]

Re: Is it me??!

If it's any consolation cookie I have the reverse problem which can be just as bad! One Sunday he hoovered the bedroom at 7.30am while I was still in bed!
He used to come home off duty at 3am and clean the house- all my ornaments have chips in them!
With 4 boys under the age of 8 he would complain that the playroom was messy after they went to bed.
He still follows me around tidying, cleaning and complaining.

[nightwatch]

Re: Is it me??!

i know where your coming from Cookie, other half and daughter can't seem to work the hoover or a duster, but hubby whinges when the house is a tip, or he used too,
i gave him an ultimatum ages ago, he makes the garden look like someone lives here, It is not a wildlife/ safari park
I will then think about clearing the house,
He retired from the fire brigade 9 years ago and was going to decorate the house, the wallpaper has been in the shed that long the pattern has faded off and the entire 8 rolls are crumbling as you look at them, the paint has set in the tin.
he too has a problem with his back, it sticks to the mattress, he nearly had a stroke recently when he found out there were two10 o'clocks in a day, but bless he does keep the dust off the sofa and lets me know when the dinner smells like it's burning,no batteries in the smoke alarm as he took them out when it started beeping, we did buy new ones but he couldn't be arsed getting the ladder out to put any back in,
yes we do argue 'most of the time actually' he says he is going to dance on my grave, I tell him he can if he want's, what I haven't told him is I'm getting buried at sea and HE CAN'T SWIM,

[Sapphire]

Re: Is it me??!

Mine moans when we go shopping, walk the dog etc his legs and back hurt, amazingly they don't fecking hurt when he goes to West Ham or is out with the boys. Oh and his latest joke is that he only takes me out to save kissing me goodbye, bastard lol

[cymruambyth]

Re: Is it me??!

Told mine I'm having a mammogram this week and he said what will I do if there is anything wrong 'with them'!!!!!!

[cookie2112]

Re: Is it me??!

We have a right bunch don't we!! Sorry to hear you are all having similar issues.....mine has said he will clear up but that I won't like it, what he means is, if it isn't his then itnis rubbish and he will bin it! Oh yes, the bad back (which actually is really bad, I heard the consultant say it) but he can still play golf sometimes but then needs to rest it, which means lying on the sofa watching tv. You'll like this, he tried to 'teach' me how to fold his jeans so they wouldn't need so much ironing the other day, I couldn't help hut laugh outloud, which annoyed him a bit.....he kept saying 'I am trying to help you' and I kept repeating that I am not the hired help and that I was very (sarcastically) sorry that my laundry skills weren't up to his exacting standards.....he still didn't understand why I wasn't grateful for the advice!!

[Enforcer]

Re: Is it me??!

Don't stress over it. My wife got back from holiday bank holiday Monday, Now gone away to the caravan as she says it is going to be a nice week of good weather. Cook my own food, do the shopping, dishes etc. Looked at the dust and cobwebs, linen basket is building up, lawn needs cutting. Does it matter? She will be back next week to sort it all out.

[cookie2112]

Re: Is it me??!

Enforcer!