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I am so worried for my mum

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  • I am so worried for my mum

    I feel a bit of an imposter posting here as my problem is not a debt one. A friend of mine, who is a member suggested I come here as my friend thought I would get some sound advice.

    Ok, my dad died 6 months ago (6 months yesterday actually...yesterday was not a good day) Leaving his estate to my mum. I have one brother (younger than me) and when mum dies the estate will be divided equally between my brother and I. My parents house is sat on just under an acre of land, where my dad had his 'yard' and many out buildings where he worked self employed. Since dad has been gone my brother has knocked down an outbuilding, claimed most of the other out buildings for himself, he now parks all his vans in my dads yard and has completely ripped out and refurbished my dads office, there is practically nothing left of my dad in his yard. This has upset me greatly and I feel like my brother is railroading my mum into allowing all this to happen. I feel it is all far too soon. He is not thinking of others feelings at all and is just doing what he likes. My mum 'claims' everything is ok but she is not thinking straight...she has in no way accepted my dads death and just seems to be agreeing to anything!

    The other day I called in to see mum and there was a house valuer there. Mum says she is thinking of selling her house to my brother. This was the first I had heard about this but apparently she had been thinking about it for about a week. My brother was there and knew everything...he would have had to have been the one to phone the estate agents because my mum wouldn't know the first thing about selling a house. My mum 'claims' it is her idea and says 'she wants to see us enjoy our inheritance before she dies' and she doesn't want the house to go out of the family.

    Well firstly, It is far too soon to be making any decision, secondly, I don't think it is her idea, I think my brother and his girlfriend are subtly manipulating mum is really not thinking straight and thirdly, is it wrong of me to be thinking he is getting the lions share out of our inheritance, given as if she sells now and with the current state of the market place, my brother will be buying her house at a knock down price and reaping the rewards when the housing market goes up?

    They are planning on building a granny flat attached to the house where mum will stay...I honestly can not see my mum being happy there. Especially when my brother will change everything in her old house to his decor....hell, he completely ripped out any trace of my dad from his office within a week. I have tried speaking to my mum about this and now she thinks I am being ungrateful for rejecting 'her' idea!!

    The house is worth £250,000 in today's current market (we live in the north so house prices are lower) and the plan is for my brother to get a mortgage for 150k, give me 100k and mum 50k and then he will keep the house.

    I honestly think my brother is brain washing my mum. Mum is not worldly, when dad was alive, he kept her, before he died mum had never paid a bill in her whole married life, she still doesn't understand stuff like insurances, pensions etc and she takes everything my brother says as Gospel. She can not see that he has an agenda, of cause he his wanting her to sell now...he will get the house so cheaply. My mum thinks I am being ungrateful for rejecting 100k, she thinks it's ME that's money grabbing...I'm not. There is no way on this earth will I allow myself to live in a nice cushy house and have no money worries whilst mum lives in a rabbit hutch granny flat, with no space to put all her belongings she has accumulated and then have to watch someone else have the run of HER home.

    Anyway, what I am asking is could someone outline all the implications if this went ahead. I need to educate my mum so that she sees it from ALL angles. I am so worried she will let this go ahead and regret it for the rest of her life.

    many thanks

  • #2
    Re: I am so worried for my mum

    Barging in here to also say this was brought up by a mutual friend of both Bobby and me.

    There would possibly be an inheritance tax bill that you and your brother would have to pay (this may depend on the value of the house when your Mum dies and the threshold for inheritance tax at the time). This would be a particular concern if your Mum continues to live on the property, since the 7 year rule won't apply. ... n-faqs.htm
    There could also be problems if your Mum requires care in her old age. The council may judge her to have deliberately deprived herself of assets to avoid paying. They don't investigate too far back at the moment, but I imagine that will change as the number of people requiring care increases and they are under pressure to make their limited budget stretch.


    • #3
      Re: I am so worried for my mum

      Nothing brings the worst in people than Death,Money and Greed.

      Speaking as someone who has been there,,done that..I personally recommend that you consult a solicitor specialising in Family Law/Wills/Probate etc

      There are so many variables in your situation it's very complex.

      Unfortunately,,if your Mum is agreeing to all the physical changes (office changes etc) there's not an awful lot you can do,,Is there an Aunt/Uncle/Family member your Mum trusts? Maybe have a word with them yourself and see if they're willing to have a chat with Mum.?
      It's possible your Mum is fully aware of what is going on and is in full agreement with your brother.
      Have you tried having a Brother to Brother chat with him,,Your Dad has only been gone 6 months,,it's obviously very raw for all of you.
      Good Luck
      Inca has left the building,too old to keep reading HISTORY that others keep re-writing.

      I was there,,I saw what you did,saw it with my own 2 eyes.wipe off that grin,I know were you've been,it's all been a pack of lies.....(Phil Collins,Coming in the air tonight)


      • #4
        Re: I am so worried for my mum

        Unfortunately grief affects everyone in different ways. You say your brother is influencing your mother, does he live nearer your mum or spending more time than you with her? When my mother died my father would have loved the arrangement being suggested because it would have meant company. Does your mum have other family members nearby? Can you spend more time with her.
        it is too soon to make these decisions, but I can understand why she would agree it it.

        i agree with inca's suggestion about talking to a relative or even a good friend of your mums, that way it won't seem like the children fighting and being selfish.
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        • #5
          Re: I am so worried for my mum

          Have you sorted anything yet? Got any further with Mama?


          • #6
            Re: I am so worried for my mum



            • #7
              Re: I am so worried for my mum

              Sorry for not replying sooner. I have been so busy...well nothing has changed. My mum is adamant about selling to my brother.... there's nothing that I can say or do about it. The only thing I can do is be there for her if the sh*t hits the fan. I just hope and pray that I am wrong and that it all works out for her. Thanks everyone