CLOSED -Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Well I posted this morning that it looked like it was going to be an interesting day as Lady Hooray was back to her normal Bitchy self. Shame as it hasn’t been too bad of late, she’s never easy to get on with but at least she’s been tolerable.

After Handy had swept this side of the Courtyard,

then this side and the Drive.


It was time to put another last coat of paint on the Log Box.


Around 3.30 Mrs Handy came down from the Hall, Her ladyship needs you urgently she said.
Her Ladyship needs you to bring your tape measure and a saw as she needs you to do some urgent strengthening on her Bust.

I did think of running the opposite way, then I wondered if the elastic on her Mega Bra had failed. Then I realised that she meant the Bust of her Grandson Cromwell she had made at her sculpture class last week.

Now the bust isn’t bad, Its quite a good likeness of young Crommy. Problem is it ways @ 20kg and the shoulders were sliding down the stand leaving his head impaled on a spike.

Now I know you will say that this is what should happen to all the Hooray’s but young Crommy is a good lad, only 13 and a son anyone would be proud of, apart from his father. He’s a 1m bonus per year investment banker. He thinks his dad’s a total waste of space, as he says his nose is normally too full of Peruvian Marching Powder to be of use to anyone.

Crommy want’s to be a journalist, No tabloids for him, he wants to do serious work. With any luck he may grow up to work for a living.

Anyway back to the story, after shoring up Lady H’s bust with plywood and a couple of pieces of 3x2 I now have the job of driving it 70 miles to the Bronze founders to have a cast made, on pain of death if it gets damaged. The chances of it arriving in one piece if it only had to go 70 yds are a 100 -1.

Still that should give me something else to write about.

Regards to all, Handy.

[LooLoo]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Good luck on getting the Lady H's bust there in one piece Handy!!

xxxxxxxx

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Good luck on getting the Lady H's bust there in one piece Handy!!

xxxxxxxx

Well it isn't sagging anymore.

Anyway she's off to Art Class, so I can get on with Grass Cutting. It's warm this morning but we keep getting a few showers. I will have my work cut out to get the lawns back in condition after this hard winter.

I got my Census papers this morning, I look forward to reading it later to see what silly questions they want answering this time.

I should think that the DCA's are looking forward to the first set of results.

Oh well back to the garden for Handy.

[LooLoo]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Right I've made a note of that - Handy can sort out a sagging bust! Good to know!

I done my Census.... thought just get it done.......... pah.....

last time we had it we also had a telephone interview that my ex agreed to do - right pain - I am not agreeing to do any of that.......

xx

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Well not a bad day, My legs ache as it's the first time since November I've cut both Lawns in a day. Not much in the way of clippings, but I worked it out once that I must walk @ 4 miles at the back of the mower, and that doesn't count emptying the barrow.

It looks like I will have to sit for @ 1 1/2 hours tomorrow holding Lady Hooray's bust, as she insists she will drive. (I'm on about the clay one). Then she wants me to give her black balls another coat of paint ( the ones on top of the gate posts).

Back with a further update in a bit.
Regards Handy.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Hi Folks, I was going to post up something entertaining, Profound and Funny.
But Handy has had a long day + 2 cans of Liquid Brain Death of Special Brew to the Non drinkers among us. Plus No 3 stepson has been on tonight to ask for another loan, 1K since Christmas as he has a sure fire business deal. This is the guy who waited till he was 34 to run away and join the circus.

We can scrape it together and it will make the Mrs Happy, but she thought I was unfair when I reminded him of his track record in paying back. The Car, The insurance, The Caravan, The Loan, The getting him back from India, The Loan, The insurance, The other Loan, His Equity Subs, Ad Nauseum. He said he couldn't remember any of that, That's when I told him if he wasn't always stoned he would.

Why won't he go to his dad, (Door step Loans in Sheffield MSE ) he wants 2000% apr.
So I told him if he defaults I will have his Van and Motor Bike. Well I did pay for them.

No Fool like an old Fool.
Handy.

[findingaway]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

So was the answer yes???? Yep NFLAOF

[LooLoo]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Good luck with the bust and balls!

O dear about Stepson.... After being totally addicted to Judge Judy - is about time you put things down in writing ie he has to start paying you back something by XX date? It is so unfair you are working your butts off for what to bail out the kids........................

You can have a kiss but don't tell mrs H

xx

[IF]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Awww Handy big hug from me too

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Hi all, well you have probably guessed that the reason I haven’t been around much today is because I was driving Lady Hooray and her bust to Bristol.
(Bust - Bristol no pun intended).

Well after taking the long way round to avoid single track roads, speed bumps and potholes we made it with her clay bust of young Cromwell Hooray intact.

She couldn’t understand why I chose the route and was complaining about my slow driving until we hit a rough winding patch of road. The comments from the back of the car where her Ladyship was sat with the head next to her caused me more than a few sniggers.

Comments like, My Heads starting to wobble, Oh dear my Bust is shaking , Its wobbling all over the place. I felt like suggesting 2 Anadin and a Sports Bra. If she had read this thread before we set off?:

The Guy who makes the moulds for the cast of the head was impressed, He said I know you said it was life sized, but it is rather large. I got a funny look when I told him it was a family trait. But then if your humorous or tongue in cheek, it tends to go straight over Lady H’s head.

Not a bad hobby when I heard the cost being discussed, over 2 months wages for the Handy’s to have it cast and mounted on a marble plinth.

Anyway on with the plot, Just in case you think I make all of this up, I thought I might offer a guide to spotting a Hooray.

The Men, normally have a job in the City, if they are not bright enough they become Chartered Surveyors, Antique Dealers or Farmers (by Farmers I mean they don’t know one end of a cow from another - They have a monthly meeting with the manager of their 2 or 3 estates). The Surveyors run other peoples estates into the ground the same way their Fathers did theirs. They tell you they work for a living but if you were to examine the accounts you would find they all run at a loss it’s only residual income from land and investments that keep them going.

When in the county they are easy to spot, they all wear Pink corduroy trousers and old green Army jumpers. They refer to their Range Rovers as Chelsea Tractors.

To be a Hooray you have to have the right Christian name and a double barrelled surname, preferably something going back to the Norman conquests

Christian names like, Cromwell, Rodney, Rupert, Tarqiun, Tarquell, Henry, Rauoll and Bear.
If you get a nickname at boarding School it will stay with you all your life, so you will always be known as Biffy, Stinky, Pissy even if you have a normal name like Bill.

Then the right Surname, Fod - Scrotum, Willoughby - Smythe, Evershott - Uploader’s.

You also need to claim a Scottish Heritage, even though the last 5 generations of the family were born in London. I recently looked up the Motto of her Ladyships clan it’s SUFFER. I don’t think it means that they ever did, just the rest of us. All you have to do is prove your 3rd cousin twice removed still has the Family estate in Scotland and you can claim you’re a Jock.

The best one I ever met was at a Grouse shoot I was put in charge off, Up he came Tweed Plus 2’s Shooting Jacket, Flat cap, Looking like an Edwardian Squire right down to the Manacle in his right eye.
I’m Tarquell Farqurharson (should be pronounced Farcason) but the way he said it with pauses it came out as Farqarr Hars on.

I couldn’t resist I said I was in the Army with one of the Oxfordshire Farqar’s.
Oh he said must be a distant relation I’m one of the Norfolk Farqar’s I have a pile near Sandringham.
Now when these chap’s talk of their country pile I think they are referring to a large run down Country House, or pile of rubble, not their Haemorrhoids.

I said I always have that trouble in Norfolk, It must be the water but you can get a cream for them.
He just looked at me blankly for a moment and then gave out a Hooray laugh,
Whaaa Whaaaa Whaaaaaaa. Before steaming up his monocle.
It was the best impression of a Donkey braying I’ve ever heard. It was a good day for the Grouse, by the time we got up the mountain and onto the Grouse Moor, the Lady Laird and the Shooters were so pissed the only thing that got shot was one of the beaters.

I’m so sorry said the guilty Hooray, then went on that he didn’t realise that Peasants were out of season.

Handy had to Red Card him for that and Take £100 off him for old Rab, who wasn’t badly injured telling him that for the right money we wouldn’t make a case out of it.

The day ended with Handy making a dash to the Game Dealers in Cill Chumien to buy enough Grouse for them each to take home to brag about.

Remember if you’re a grouse the safest place in front of a gun.:gunman:

Regards all, Handy.

[LooLoo]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Bust to Bristol............... well it was the only place it could go.

Hope you feeling a bit better today Handy

xx

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Bust to Bristol............... well it was the only place it could go.

Hope you feeling a bit better today Handy

xx

Yep not too bad today, Old Lab had to go to vets for an operation, I'm trying to keep close to the phone waiting for news.

Cheers, Handy.

[LooLoo]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

O don't I am a nightmare when the "kids" are at the vets. Hope the doglee is ok

xx

[MustGetStraigh]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Hope all goes well at the vets, Handy.
I'm loving reading these stories.. sets me up for the day! You really do have to get published.
I just can't believe these people have no idea they are so horrendous. Still, I guess their purpose in life is to give us someone to laugh at.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

Still, I guess their purpose in life is to give us someone to laugh at.

Well that's how this all started, Back on MSE I had had a very bad day so had a rant about Lord and Lady Hooray. I think it was about how much money they were wasting when everyone else was struggling, but they thought everyone else in the Country lived in the same style as they do.

I got so many replies from folk saying how much they enjoyed the stories and to keep them coming. As with a lot of comedy the nearer it is to real life the funnier it is.

I really do have to deal with plus 4 wearing monacle wearing twits. Today I am sweeping the top partierre (terrace to you and me) as Lady H has a dozen coming for Sunday Lunch, she is already so tired she doesn't know how she will cope.

I have to get the outdoor eating area ready for she hopes it will be fine for them to dine outside.

Sunday lunch lasts 4 -5 hours and @ 2 dozen bottles of red, then they all drive home.

Anyway back to the sweeping brush for Handy.