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Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.
Hi all, last night on old Gals and Geezers I was going on about my bad knee and how once it was injured I just seemed to keep on hurting it. And like at the moment I am doing a lot of work kneeling on the floor making a log box for Lady Hooray.
The Log Box progresses well, Her Ladyship saw it today for the first time, Oh she gushed it looks just like the one that sold in auction for £500. I have already costed it out. For something that looks like an old Tea Chest, including materials, paint and my labour (it will take me another 3 days to finish the way she wants) she wont have much change out of £600.
Maybe you could go into business making them for people, you could advertise in Country Life.
Maybe those who read Country Life have their own Handyman and already have a log box? As a business proposition I think it’s a none starter.
Anyway back to my knee. The second time I did it some damage I was on exercise with my Royal Engineer Unit. We were ordered to camp in this area of woodland. In order to get the lorries into the wood, one of the chaps led the way stood in the bucket of a JCB cutting the overhanging branches of trees with a chainsaw so we could get in.
We were told that there was the danger of air raids and to get the camouflage nets up quickly.
No at the time unbeknown to us, two of our chaps had laid out BFN (Battlefield Noise Simulation). This is like Movie special effects and involves the use of explosive and fireworks to simulate the noise of a Battle or Air raid.
Now in the middle of the wood there was a WW2 camp which in 1943 had housed Italian POW’s. The MOD had given the camp to a local historical society to turn into a museum. The next week we had been given the job of clearing the trees and cleaning the place up. One of the jobs we had to do was to drain a Cess Pit in the middle of the wood, It had been full of the brown stuff since 1941. When our chaps laying the BFN’s got to it, they decided it might speed the job up if they put a charge of explosive right in the middle. They set it up and threw it but it just sat there on the 6 inch thick crust that formed the surface, they retrieved it and added weight and it still laid on the top. Eventually it took a charge large enough to demolish an office block before the thing broke the skin and sank leaving a large evil looking green bubble to rise to the surface.
Now back to Corporal Handy, after a few hours we got the word to move out so I climbed onto the canvass top of our 4 ton lorry and began to cut down the camouflage netting. I was only half way through when the Air raid alarm went off. I looked around for a fast way down. Jump for that branch in the tree over there, dangle and drop is what I thought.
I made the jump alright but as I dangled from the limb it began to creak as I looked up I realised that our chap with the chainsaw had cut halfway through and then decided it didn’t need to come down.
With an almighty crack the branch snapped and I dropped the remaining six or so feet to the ground.
It didn’t help much that I was wearing my webbing, rucksack and had a gun strapped around my neck.
As I met the ground with half a hundred weight of branch held above my head my right knee turned completely round in the wrong direction.
Groaning with pain (not scared to admit it hurt) I managed to get into an upright position by the wheel or the truck and tried to stretch my leg straight. Then it happened, the BFN’s went off. There was an ear splitting shriek, a massive bang, then the cess pit went off. A geyser of 50 year old sh1t shot 150 feet in the air and headed in Handy’s direction.
When things had settled my lorry had turned from Khaki Green to Khaki Brown. When I managed to move my silhouette was imprinted on the side of my lorry.
When the unit finally emerged from cover all they found was Handy writhing on the floor covered from head to toe in the brown smelly stuff. (nothing changes). I was put on a stretcher and loaded into the back of a short wheelbase land rover. Now you cant fit a stretcher into a short wheelbase without the end of the stretcher hanging out over the road. You’ve guessed it they put me in the wrong way round, my head and shoulders were hanging out over the road.
Now if travelling like this wasn’t bad enough a passing Horsefly thought I smelt good enough to eat and promptly had 3 bites at my Adams apple.
By the time I arrived at the nearest RAF medical centre I was gasping for breath. The medical orderlies wouldn’t even come near me. Fortunately one chap played a lot of Rugby and his flattened nose wasn’t as sensitive as those of his colleagues came close enough for me to point to my swelling windpipe and in short order a large dose of anti histamine was given.
Given that I was in a sea of pain I rather imagined that they would cut my clothes off me, no such chance this was the military, they took me round to the fire station and had the duty crew hose me off before they would examine me. As the medics were loading me back in the Land Rover one asked what had happened, by this time I was able to talk again so I quickly gave them the expedited version of events. You’ve guessed it they laughed that much that the chap at the top of the stretcher dropped me.
That’s not the end of this saga but its enough for now.
Regards to all Handy.
Ps I hope you have more luck than me.
Hi all, last night on old Gals and Geezers I was going on about my bad knee and how once it was injured I just seemed to keep on hurting it. And like at the moment I am doing a lot of work kneeling on the floor making a log box for Lady Hooray.
The Log Box progresses well, Her Ladyship saw it today for the first time, Oh she gushed it looks just like the one that sold in auction for £500. I have already costed it out. For something that looks like an old Tea Chest, including materials, paint and my labour (it will take me another 3 days to finish the way she wants) she wont have much change out of £600.
Maybe you could go into business making them for people, you could advertise in Country Life.
Maybe those who read Country Life have their own Handyman and already have a log box? As a business proposition I think it’s a none starter.
Anyway back to my knee. The second time I did it some damage I was on exercise with my Royal Engineer Unit. We were ordered to camp in this area of woodland. In order to get the lorries into the wood, one of the chaps led the way stood in the bucket of a JCB cutting the overhanging branches of trees with a chainsaw so we could get in.
We were told that there was the danger of air raids and to get the camouflage nets up quickly.
No at the time unbeknown to us, two of our chaps had laid out BFN (Battlefield Noise Simulation). This is like Movie special effects and involves the use of explosive and fireworks to simulate the noise of a Battle or Air raid.
Now in the middle of the wood there was a WW2 camp which in 1943 had housed Italian POW’s. The MOD had given the camp to a local historical society to turn into a museum. The next week we had been given the job of clearing the trees and cleaning the place up. One of the jobs we had to do was to drain a Cess Pit in the middle of the wood, It had been full of the brown stuff since 1941. When our chaps laying the BFN’s got to it, they decided it might speed the job up if they put a charge of explosive right in the middle. They set it up and threw it but it just sat there on the 6 inch thick crust that formed the surface, they retrieved it and added weight and it still laid on the top. Eventually it took a charge large enough to demolish an office block before the thing broke the skin and sank leaving a large evil looking green bubble to rise to the surface.
Now back to Corporal Handy, after a few hours we got the word to move out so I climbed onto the canvass top of our 4 ton lorry and began to cut down the camouflage netting. I was only half way through when the Air raid alarm went off. I looked around for a fast way down. Jump for that branch in the tree over there, dangle and drop is what I thought.
I made the jump alright but as I dangled from the limb it began to creak as I looked up I realised that our chap with the chainsaw had cut halfway through and then decided it didn’t need to come down.
With an almighty crack the branch snapped and I dropped the remaining six or so feet to the ground.
It didn’t help much that I was wearing my webbing, rucksack and had a gun strapped around my neck.
As I met the ground with half a hundred weight of branch held above my head my right knee turned completely round in the wrong direction.
Groaning with pain (not scared to admit it hurt) I managed to get into an upright position by the wheel or the truck and tried to stretch my leg straight. Then it happened, the BFN’s went off. There was an ear splitting shriek, a massive bang, then the cess pit went off. A geyser of 50 year old sh1t shot 150 feet in the air and headed in Handy’s direction.
When things had settled my lorry had turned from Khaki Green to Khaki Brown. When I managed to move my silhouette was imprinted on the side of my lorry.
When the unit finally emerged from cover all they found was Handy writhing on the floor covered from head to toe in the brown smelly stuff. (nothing changes). I was put on a stretcher and loaded into the back of a short wheelbase land rover. Now you cant fit a stretcher into a short wheelbase without the end of the stretcher hanging out over the road. You’ve guessed it they put me in the wrong way round, my head and shoulders were hanging out over the road.
Now if travelling like this wasn’t bad enough a passing Horsefly thought I smelt good enough to eat and promptly had 3 bites at my Adams apple.
By the time I arrived at the nearest RAF medical centre I was gasping for breath. The medical orderlies wouldn’t even come near me. Fortunately one chap played a lot of Rugby and his flattened nose wasn’t as sensitive as those of his colleagues came close enough for me to point to my swelling windpipe and in short order a large dose of anti histamine was given.
Given that I was in a sea of pain I rather imagined that they would cut my clothes off me, no such chance this was the military, they took me round to the fire station and had the duty crew hose me off before they would examine me. As the medics were loading me back in the Land Rover one asked what had happened, by this time I was able to talk again so I quickly gave them the expedited version of events. You’ve guessed it they laughed that much that the chap at the top of the stretcher dropped me.
That’s not the end of this saga but its enough for now.
Regards to all Handy.
Ps I hope you have more luck than me.
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