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  • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

    Good Evening All, time for an update on what's been happening in Handy's life over the last few days.

    On Friday Lady H sent me to help out her Art Teacher who is holding an exhibition at her studios. It's the first time she has run one from home during winter so waited until the day before to realise that as she lives 10 miles from the nearest street lighting it could be fun getting people in and out in the dark.

    I spent Thursday afternoon and Friday Morning furiously wiring up 15 Halogen flood lights.

    Now the exhibition consisted of the artists own work and that of her students such as Lady Hooray.

    There were quite a few of them helping out and sat quietly in a corner wire strippers in hand I played the part of a fly on the wall.

    The Students all Middle aged and profoundly Middle Class women all well into middle age. It was like listening to a sound track of Absolutely Fabulous.

    Dahling, Sweetie, Kiss Kiss, Wonderful Dahling. Then when backs were turned out came the venom It would be safer in the Lions enclosure with the real cats.

    On Friday I actually met a Chap called Jasper. He was with his wife who had several pieces on display.

    Now in my line of work I meet a lot of people with doubled barrelled names, but this couple were triple barrelled.
    Now at this point I normally change a few things to protect the innocent, but truly this couple were called Jasper and Judith Clive-Ponsonby-Ffoulkes. With two eff's

    One of the women there was well known to Mrs Handy and myself and is probably about the most normal of the lot. After the Clive Posonby Ffoulkes had left she said to me that's a typical 70+ middle class woman with too much money and time on her hands.
    I thought you could hardly describe yourself as working class.

    Anyway to finish, when I went up to the hall this morning Lady Hooray said I think I may have volunteered you. My artist friend wants some photographs taking of the exhibition and I told her you have a good camera, your expected about 12.
    While your there could you take a picture of my Bust

    One of the breakfast guest nearly choked on his tea when I replied, Your Ladyship I told you I don't take those sort of pictures any more, besides if you want it photographing wouldn't here in private be a better idea.

    So here it is Lady Hooray's Bust in all it's Glory
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    This is one of a life size acrobatic Hare that I helped to set up
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    One of a group of 3, they weigh a ton and have to be lifted at least 5 feet high.

    And one of the exhibition. The cheapest piece was £85.00 going up to 3.5K and all by amateurs. I don't think I will be investing in any new pieces of art any time soon.

    Regards for now, Handy
    Attached Files
    Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
    Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

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    • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

      Originally posted by Handyman View Post
      On Friday I actually met a Chap called Jasper. He was with his wife who had several pieces on display.

      Now in my line of work I meet a lot of people with doubled barrelled names, but this couple were triple barrelled.
      Now at this point I normally change a few things to protect the innocent, but truly this couple were called Jasper and Judith Clive-Ponsonby-Ffoulkes. With two eff's
      But - dare one hope - no "f" in children?

      So here it is Lady Hooray's Bust in all it's Glory
      What "glory"? Her norks are missing.

      And one of the exhibition.
      What a strange mixture! The sculpture of the cow, sheep, goat or dog in the foreground looks as if it should rock, as its legs don't seem to be the same length. The sculpture to its immediate left in the picture might not have that problem, as it seems to be of an animal with three legs.

      But what the buggery is that sculpture on the far right of the picture meant to represent? From here, it looks like either a bipedal tea-cake or a flat cap on legs!

      Comment


      • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

        The FFs is a Welsh thing. They have to have two FFs to sound like EFF otherwise one F is V so the triple barrel would expose a Germanic sounding Volks.

        coulddn't be anything at all to do with snobbery--------- could it?

        Shit double D in Welsh is TH.

        regards
        Garlok

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        • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

          Originally posted by CleverClogs View Post
          But - dare one hope - no "f" in children?

          I certainly would recommend an adjustment to the gene pool in their case.


          What "glory"? Her norks are missing.




          But what the buggery is that sculpture on the far right of the picture meant to represent? From here, it looks like either a bipedal tea-cake or a flat cap on legs!
          I thought that as well. At first I thought it was some ones impression of the Fossilised Turd that was on display in the Tate Modern a few years ago.

          Catch you all later.
          Regards, Handy
          Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
          Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

          Comment


          • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

            Hi all, no Art or intellectual outings today. I have just taken delivery of nearly 1K's worth of new plants for the garden

            Talk about more money than sense, now Lady Hooray has got them she has forgotten where she want's them planting. If she were to write down what she knows about garden design you could fit it all on a postage stamp.

            Then she said the lower bed needs redesigning look at the stupid place the previous owners have planted those Hydrangeas

            They must be in the wrong place as they have done nothing.

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            I said I'm sorry to tell you but you had me plant them there 2 years ago, and I told you at the time the soil was too heavy and acidic for them. Well I'm sick to the back teeth of trying to be a yes man and then getting it in the neck for someone else's stupidity.

            It's only a month ago she was raving over how well they had done.

            I'm afraid for the future as I can see dementia creeping in.
            The result of a lifetime of nothing important to do and a bottle of wine twice a day.

            Mrs H isn't helping much either, it's off oop north this weekend to deliver £20 worth of clothes for the grand kids.

            Well you don't know how much I miss them she says.

            True I miss them as well, but they ain't ours. And regarless of what I think of Sil and DD (step) as parents, nothing I say will make a blind bit of difference.

            If she had her way we would have been in the middle of J25 M5 last Friday evening at 8:30.

            Last Thursday she said we are going this weekend right?
            No was my reply. But I promised DD we would be up.
            Nice to discuss it with me I said.

            So there you have it.

            Things are getting back to normal.
            Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
            Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

            Comment


            • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

              Originally posted by Handyman View Post
              I'm afraid for the future as I can see dementia creeping in.
              The result of a lifetime of nothing important to do and a bottle of wine twice a day.
              So try to cut down on your wine consumption.

              Comment


              • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                Originally posted by CleverClogs View Post
                So try to cut down on your wine consumption.


                I Wish

                The nearest I get to a glass of red these days are when I carry the monthly 12 cases from the car to the wine cellar.

                Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
                Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

                Comment


                • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                  Originally posted by Handyman View Post
                  I'm afraid for the future as I can see dementia creeping in.
                  The result of a lifetime of nothing important to do and a bottle of wine twice a day.
                  I could have phrased that better.
                  I was referring to Lady Hooray and not myself. Makes me sound like a real Wino.

                  Have you ever noticed if you are Middle Class you are a Bon viveur, if you are one of the unwashed masses you are a Pish Head.

                  I remember once Lord Hooray telling me about a holiday at his friends Vineyard in Portugal, "Sitting on the Veranda about midnight that second bottle of Vintage Port goes down very nicely".

                  Can anyone tell me how the hell can you drink a bottle of Port and still stand up.

                  Hang on I think I know a chap who has a cardboard box in the local Bus Station who might know?

                  Regards all, Handy
                  Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
                  Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                    Handy....WHY has lady got hydrangeas.....they just spread and zap stuff...vermin they be...you need that weedkiller now!!!

                    And where was the 12 tonnes of Hound stuff you promised me on the 2nd.... I checked...none there :O

                    now we have a new prob (sorry this is cut and pasted from MSE)

                    Now worried about the conspiracy and stuff (ppl that know me know what this means)...not so much you guys cos you're all lovely but the stuff on the news about the eurozone and the anti christ...... (anti christ is what I think)....really freaking me out....we are doomed!!! Not least if we stay in europe (am I making sense here....Handy where are you when I need you)..

                    Phoned OOH and like the crisis line and the ward who say I'm delusional.....That's what Dr. C said last week .... (sure he didn't mean him when he said one of us is deluded. There was only me and him in the room)....I don't get it ....or am I having a dumb brunette moment?

                    Any help welcome

                    SC

                    Comment


                    • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                      Oh Dear SC, looks like things are bad again. Is it because you haven't been eating properly do you think?

                      I know what you mean about the Eurozone, I remember years ago reading an interpretation of the common market from the book of revelations? I think it was.

                      I agree that when it goes tits up we will all be in the cart.
                      All the companies on the news recently complaining that they are 10% down on last years profits. We have only made 257M said one Chief Exec. That's pre tax so presumably all their overheads have been taken out and what is left is what it says, Profit.

                      Things can't continue to expand year on year. All business has to change sometime and what makes money one year won't the next.

                      Anyway back to my day. After removing most of the over hanging branches in the lane, Lady Hooray wasn't too pleased when I told her I was leaving the last couple of big boughs until the rain stops. She couldn't understand why I would not climb 20 feet above the road in heavy driving rain dragging a chainsaw behind me without the proper ladders or safety gear.

                      The rain stopped about 7 and I spent the next 3 hours servicing the car and doing the brakes. Alland would be proud of me rolling about under the car on the mud on the drive.

                      The motor factors have given me the wrong brake pads so it will be back under the car for another hour or two tomorrow.

                      Then at ten o'clock it was into the workshop to finish painting a couple of doors. I made a mistake there as I had most of Hooray lane stuck to my hair after crawling under the car.

                      Every time I nodded bits fell off me onto the paint. I felt like stig of the dump

                      So now it's beer time before bed and a looks at everyone else's posts.

                      Regards, Handy
                      Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
                      Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                        Originally posted by Handyman View Post
                        I felt like stig of the dump
                        But did the stig feel like you - and wouldn't your wife have got in the way?

                        Comment


                        • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                          Just to let you all know, I won't be around till late Sunday.
                          Off to kip in a minute as it's a 4 O'clock start for the drive up to Yorkshire.

                          Not looking forward to the drive very much as its pouring it down, if it doesn't ease up I will trade the car for a submarine.

                          Regards all, Handy
                          Mother Nature Don't Draw Straight lines, We are Broken Moulds in Life's Grand Design, We look a Mess but we're doing fine,
                          Life Long Card Carrying Member Of the Union of Different Kinds.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                            Originally posted by Handyman View Post
                            Not looking forward to the drive very much as its pouring it down, if it doesn't ease up I will trade the car for a submarine.
                            Trade it for a boat - and make your wife do all the paddling/rowing.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                              Originally posted by Handyman View Post
                              Just to let you all know, I won't be around till late Sunday.
                              Off to kip in a minute as it's a 4 O'clock start for the drive up to Yorkshire.

                              Not looking forward to the drive very much as its pouring it down, if it doesn't ease up I will trade the car for a submarine.

                              Regards all, Handy

                              Drive carefully Handy and see you next week
                              "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"

                              Comment


                              • Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman.

                                Are you back Handy?

                                All is well here (apart from my cafffeine reduction

                                Hope you're okay Handy and you've not drowned on the M6

                                SC

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