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  • #1

    Considering parents moving in

    As my parents disability is getting worse especially with my dad's Parkinson's nearing the advanced stages - we have talked about them moving in with us - we have 3 spare rooms and a spare bathroom .

    I'm not so sure though because my dad is awake most of the night and then there is the cleaning up when he has an accident - a stair lift would need putting in and also the bathroom would need adapting .

    I'm not being selfish here but its a big decision to make and it makes me very nervous .

    Thoughts please and any experience shared .
    _______________________________________



    Tags: accident, appointments, bedroom, blamed, care, christmas, con, cons, council, disability, family, help, ing, living, lost, mas, money, mothers, parents, payments, people, private, problems, shared, social
  • #2
    Re: Considering parents moving in

    Think very carefully, you will need to ensure you have separate living space. This is based on my parents experience. My mother's parents moved in and soon after my gran died. Step grandfather lived there and never gave them any private time so that they started to resent him. When mum died, step grandfather had to move straight out as my father blamed him for my mothers death (not true) and was very bitter over the time that my parents didn't spend more time together.
    I'm an official AAD Moderator and also a volunteer, here to help make the forum run smoothly. Any views or opinions are mine and not the official line of AAD. Similarly, any advice I have offered you is done so on an informal basis, without prejudice or liability. If in doubt seek advice from a qualified insured professional - Find a Solicitor or go to the National Probono Centre.

    If you spot an abusive or libellous post then please report it by Clicking Here. If you need to contact me, for instance if I've issued you a warning, moved, edited or deleted your post, please send me a message by clicking my username.

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    • #3
      Re: Considering parents moving in

      I think it is looking unlikely to be fair - I have received a lot of feedback from people who have gone down this path and it isn't good - my dad's illness is a big issue he is awake all night and sleep all day i can't cope with that and he already needs specialist care for Parkinson's related problems - I don't get along with my mum that well we don't agree on much , I just want to help but as usual it is left to me and i have two brothers who will take them for a coffee and think they have helped - when it is me that does all the cleaning and such, although at the moment they do take them to doctors appointments whereas if they moved in here it would all be left to me and to be honest i don't want to have all the responsibility , so it is looking like we won't go further with this after looking into the pro's and cons .
      _______________________________________



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      • #4
        Re: Considering parents moving in

        Hi,

        I have my mum living with me and my family. She has a downstairs bedroom with en suite (we helped her buy her council house, sold it three years later and used the money to build onto our home). She has Parkinson's disease.

        For the the last two years, we have employed a PA. she comes in five days a week doing a total of about 25 hours. This is paid for by direct payments through the social services. The other two days, my husband takes her tablets to her and she gets up in her own time (it takes her about two and a half hours to get up). It is extremely helpful to me as I have very painful upper joints so can't help her much myself. I am with her throughout the rest of the day ensuring she has her tablets as she also sleeps most of the day. She helps her get up and showered and dressed in the morning, helps take her to appointments and help with her dinner.

        I imagine that in a couple of years she will end up in a care home as she has bowel and bladder incontinence. Although she is annoying (and I probably am to her as well) I wouldn't have it any other way. She is 80 next year and time is precious. It is hard on me and my husband but we manage as she is my mum and I lost my dad when I was 17 (on Christmas Day). When I needed her to help me with the kids when they were younger, she didn't hesitate, so am just paying back in kind.

        I am very lucky that the young lady we have helping is someone I have known for years (she worked for me when I had my business) and she even will stay overnight if we need her (it doesn't happen often as we also have dogs and don't like leaving them). When we visited the in laws yesterday, she stayed with my mum all day. She is a godsend, but it's very hard to find this sort of help.

        I have six brothers and over 30 nieces and nephews. Help from any of them is pretty hard to get!

        you would also get help from occupational health to make adaptions for your home and they supply hospital style beds, commodes etc.

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        • #5
          Re: Considering parents moving in

          Thank you for the reply and information - it isn't easy looking after my parents they argue so much and me and my mum just dont get on at all she is a very angry lady and whatever i say she contradicts. We haven't had it easy with our youngest son either who left home two years ago and we have seen him once during that time he was terrible to live with was very disrespectful and we were very stressed all the time he lived here - me and my husband are finally relaxing and enjoying time together which we want to keep and i am pretty sure that peace would soon go with my parents living here .

          I'm not happy about adapting my home as we want to sell and having a bathroom adapted for an elderly person will devalue the house .I have had loads of feedback about this and it is more or less saying ' don't do it ' .
          _______________________________________



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          • #6
            Re: Considering parents moving in

            It's a hard situation to be in. I can see my mum needing more full time car at some point and I know for a fact my wife wouldn't be happy with her living with us and she wouldn't be happy having carers so although I'm already doing everything for her the thought of battling my wife or mother later down the line regarding her care is not something I wish to think about.
            I'm an official AAD Moderator and also a volunteer, here to help make the forum run smoothly. Any views or opinions are mine and not the official line of AAD. Similarly, any advice I have offered you is done so on an informal basis, without prejudice or liability. If in doubt seek advice from a qualified insured professional - Find a Solicitor or go to the National Probono Centre.

            If you spot an abusive or libellous post then please report it by Clicking Here. If you need to contact me, for instance if I've issued you a warning, moved, edited or deleted your post, please send me a message by clicking my username.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Considering parents moving in

              Thanks for the replies- it isn't easy but weighing it all up and the look on hubbys face makes it clear that he wouldn't like them here full time . His mum is a sick woman too so he has her to think about too .

              Looking at the stairs is another problem - our staircase is fine but once at the top it has two directions and a stair lift would block both of the directions to the bedrooms and the second bathroom . Think its not going to work and i am not risking upsetting my husband .
              _______________________________________



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