Hooray Hall - Adventures of a Handyman Part 2

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Batmobile and manure ordered :

Anyone for squirrel pie?

SC

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Morning all, we got back safe late last night or was it early this morning?

Time to go and see what Her Ladyship has to complain about. There is always something that needed doing or went wrong while we have a weekend away.

Anyway Millie the cat enjoyed the trip. We took her with us as we were worried that she hasn't been with us long enough to leave on her own.

So if anyone saw a cat in the rear window of a car on the M5 yesterday evening you didn't imagine it.

Watching her use the litter tray on the move was something else

She even enjoyed her stay at the Travel Lodge, I just hope she didn't come away with more Fleas than she left.

Regards all, Handy

[IF]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Nice to see you back Handy

[Pixie]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

good to have you back Handy.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Morning all.
Surprise of my life yesterday morning, the boss was as pleasant as you could get and even asked if I had enjoyed my weekend

I spent the full day weeding the garden. Then she got the face on because I wouldn't work past 5.30 just because she decided she would weed part of the garden herself.

I thought that 8 hours on my hands and knees in the borders was enough for one day.

More of the same today. She said I must have been letting things slip. Does she not realise that if you remove all the ground cover plants like the Alchemilla and Wild Geranium and don't mulch you will get weeds and self seeders.

The gardens were originally planted by professionals, but then she knows more about gardening than they did.

Moan over, at least its going to be dry today so that means an hour with the hose pipe watering up this evening.
Of course this will have to be done at sun down which means it will be in my time

Regards all, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Egg her petrol tank.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

No need Clever, she can wreck her own cars all to easily.

Last week I noticed the back bumper of the Swedish Low Flying Aircraft, the red car was hanging off. She was insistant that it must have happened in the Sh1terose car park.

A day later she came back from the post office, now she doesn't go to the post office in town as this will mean having to walk a 100 yards from the car park. No she goes to the one in a local village where you approach down a single track road. 3 times now she has scuffed the other car, a top of the range German 4x4 panzer.

She said a Bally Woman wouldn't give way to me so I pulled onto the verge and I think I may have scraped my sill on some stones in the long grass.

I couldn't see any damage to the sill, but when I looked at the front near side wing there was £100 worth of damage about 2 feet from the ground.

Now I have explained till I am blue in the face that when you hear an unbroken tone this means that the Front and Rear anti collision sensors are telling you that you have hit something

Still the upshot is that I send the local bodyshop that much business, I get mates rates when I need any paintwork doing on my own car.

Good job she never heard me muttering, keep death off the roads, drive on the pavements.

Regards all, Handy

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Och pants Handy

I am recovering nicely from my psychotic episode of the weekend so feeling pucker this am and the sun is out. Alas I'm tired from being up since 6 and I have a wee walk out to the post office this am to get a parcel but still. The walk will do me good (she says) and then a walk to volunteering this pm. Exercise is good for you right?

Boys are good. Ma isn't moaning too much. House is getting slowly tidy. Waiting to hear about an OU course in the winter so that should be good..

Pray everyone is well

SC

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi all, it's all right I haven't forgotten the old thread. It's that busy dawn till dusk time of year in the garden.

Ouch I an hurting tonight cos my bad knee is playing up on account of spending the last moth on them polishing floors, laying new sections of lawn and weeding. Then to top it off I got badly sunburned again today. Anyone want to fry an egg, my arms and neck are available for hire

Must tell you that Millie the Cat is now settled in as the Maddest most eccentric cat I have ever had.

OK so Cat Lovers will agree, Cats don't have owners they have servants.

She is best of mates with Cassie the youngest Border Terrier, the go out playing tag and hunting mice together.

The Cat thinks she's a Dog and the Dog thinks she's a Cat. It really is a crazy mixed up world. Then we have a juvenile Squirrel that has move into the Hall. Lady Hooray found it sat on the sideboard tucking into the bowl of nuts that stands next to the 200 year old Venetian decanter of vintage Port. Even her terriers were so shocked they forgot to chase it

That will teach her to leave the doors open, after the Sqiggle left she got a family of Swallows flying round the drawing room looking to build a nest in the ceiling beams.



Of course you can guess who got the job of cleaning up the droppings.

I have a lot to tell you if I ever get enough time to write it all down.

Regards all, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Must tell you that Millie the Cat is now settled in as the Maddest most eccentric cat I have ever had.

Then we have a juvenile Squirrel that has move into the Hall.

Of course you can guess who got the job of cleaning up the droppings.

Look on the bright side.

At least you can say with some authority whether or not Millie is nuttier than squirrel poo.

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Squirrel poo pie seems to be next in order right?

Or millie poo pie...

SC

[Pixie]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

I have a lot to tell you if I ever get enough time to write it all down.

I hope you do, I love reading about your 'adventures.' In fact you could write a book.

[mrsinvisible]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

can I have a signed copy, when you do write it? As i have laughed, winced, cried and agreed with (not at) you all the way through your adventures so far. xx

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi all, Mrs I if I ever get round to my memoirs you can have the first signed copy. Some of my stories I do write and save first, others like tonight I just get on line and let it go.

If Niddy ever lets me retrieve any of this he can have the first 60% royalties, hows that.

Anyway to nights thoughts are on something that hasn't happened yet. Tomorrow evening Lady Hooray is throwing a Birthday Party for her old friend the Honourable Edward Smallworth.

Now how this works is Edward calls up Lady H, Hillie old Gal, my place is a bit of a pigsty at the moment and my good Lady isn't really up to entertaining, can I hold my bash at your pile?
Only 20 or so guests. So he gets his party and it doesn't cost him a penny as Lady H will stand to the cost. If he does contribute it will be a case of Liddels finest champagne

Now I have mentioned The Hon Edward many times before, the incident where he admitted to a High Court Judge he has never had a Shotgun licence (as an old Etonian he doesn't need one) As well as his attitude to owning cars that require Tax, Test and Insurance. Only a couple of years ago his Jeep had a head on, his wife and son went through the windscreen he got cuts and bruises.
They had all had a drink, and weren't wearing seat belts. No Tax, Test and Insurance. It ended up being the other Chaps fault.

Well tomorrow I will be keeping all the pets in the house untill they have left. They will all be driving, even if they get stopped it won't matter. All that will happen is they get a lift home.

Let me explain about Edward, He looks and sounds like Michael Winner. In his own set he is called charming and witty. When I have been driving Lady Hooray and her friends I have heard them say, Ooh what a naught chap he is! Oh such a card. Can't keep it in his trousers.

One Day when he called at the hall, Lady H asked have you done anything useful today, Never done a useful thing in me life M' Dear was the reply.

He has never been known to pay a bill in full in his life. A couple of years ago he persuaded his children to let him sell the house they had been left by their Grandmother and invest the proceeds for them. He got through 1.5M in six months.

Now one of the flats he bought is about to get repossessed as he has not paid the ground rent and maintenance charge. He had to get a cheque off for £600 and sent one for £400. The developer returned it and has gone for the jugular.

If this goes through that will leave him 400K down. The house he is building in France has fallen fowl of the building inspector (you can get away with most things in France).

If anyone has read Bertie Wooster and remembers the Drones Society you will know where I am coming from with this.

If anyone ever tells you we live in a classless society in this country refer them to Handy

Tomorrow I will explain why I am against drink drivers. I put my hands up I have (years ago) gone on the road when I was over the top. But this lot just don't give a toss.

Regards all, Handy

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

On a lighter note.



Mille and Cassie the Border Terrier sunning themselves by the kitchen doors.

Mille doesn't need the door if she wants to nip out. That's why she will be kept in tomorrow evening until the drunks have left

And the wild Garden by the rear of the Hall. Leucanthemum vulgare or Ox Eye Daisy as they call them down here. When I was growing up in Yorkshire we used to call them Moon Pennies which I think is a better name.


Regards all, Handy