Hooray Hall - Adventures of a Handyman Part 2

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Cheeky buggers!

Have you told their Chief Numpty about his company's repeated failure to provide an adequate broadband service?

Working on the email as we speak, the pratt in customer services said as the Broadband was free (part of the package) they don't class the loss of it as grounds for a claim for compensation. If I had remained a customer they would have given me a few month free line rental.

Now as I remember from my days in sales, If you offered an extra FOC as part of a package and then did not deliver your promise it was classed as a breach of contract.

Maybe such things don't apply on the Indian Sub Continent.

I will post up a copy of the letter when I have it ready.
I'm trying to keep it concise but it is already two pages long

Regards, Handy

[Pixie]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Seems like you're in need of a bit of TLC Handy

[Numpty Monkey]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

The conversation with the Squawk Numpty didn't get me very far.

Not this Numpty

The only joy I've had from talk talk is from going through the internet muppets, to second line techs knobheads, then through to accounts pillocks, then through to the accounts (cancellation) puddings, eventually I got the extra payment they took back

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Not this Numpty

The only joy I've had from talk talk is from going through the internet muppets, to second line techs knobheads, then through to accounts pillocks, then through to the accounts (cancellation) puddings, eventually I got the extra payment they took back

Hi Numpty, how are you doing mate.

I have just sent this off to Squawk Squawk. I wonder how long it will take to get a response?

Andrew Mann
The Old Pig Sty,
Hooray Hall,
Hooray Lane.
Scrumpy Land
SH 1TT
Tel:XXXXX

08.05.2012

Talk Talk Account number XXXXXX
In the Name Of XXXXX.
I have my wife’s permission to act in this matter.


For the Attention of
The Hon. Dido Harding.
CEO Squawk Squack Telecom Group PLC.

Dear Madam,
I have recently ceased being a Talk Talk customer. Even before receiving my final bill I was going to contact you to place my dissatisfaction with your company and my reasons for leaving Talk Talk on record.

Firstly my reasons for leaving, and before I continue may I say that prior to December 2011, I would have recommended your company to one and all in the most positive terms.

Around Late November / Early December 2011, every Sunday evening my broadband began to run really slowly. At around Midnight the connection would be lost and not restored until Monday mid-day.

At the time although I found it inconvenient I was not overly concerned as there was a great deal of work being completed on the local Telecoms System including the laying of new fibre optic cable. I put the breaks in service down to system maintenance and upgrading.

Now I am a the sort that likes a bet but only on certainties, by March I would have given 40 -1 on my connection being lost on Sunday evening. Your system logs should show the dates of breaks in service, certainly when I made my first service request when the connection wasn’t restored by lunchtime Monday.

I followed all the instructions given by your service operative, and by Monday evening / Tuesday morning all was fine again. I believe that it was about two weeks later it all failed again but this time apart from a short while it was Wednesday before the Broadband service was restored.

By this time I was getting a little bit more than annoyed with the folk in your first line service department. I had changed all the components, plugged the router into the Master socket, changed the modem cable and the filters Ad Nauseum . I don’t like dealing with operators who just work from a script.

I will come in a short while to the reasons why I am capable of running basic diagnostics on my own before calling for the help of your service department.

I seem to recall that I had one more occurrence of this problem before receiving a call from a company claiming to work on behalf of my ISP (Talk Talk) saying that the service department had referred me to them and that the problems I was experiencing with dropped connections and slow internet speed was due to the corrupted files on my hard drive.

OK I know this scam, but if you look at the coincidence and the fact they asked for me by name.
I also know that on one occasion one of your service operators turned my connection on and off from his desk , leads me to believe that your system has been compromised.

Needless to say I did not allow them remote access to my computer. They were told where to go, but called back a further 3 times that day trying to convince me that they were a legitimate part of your service department.

When a few day’s later I lost the connection again, I raised this matter with your operative who said It must just have been a coincidence. While admitting that coincidences do happen this occurrence was so well timed that It has left me deeply suspicious. I wonder if you were to poll other customers who have left Talk Talk in the last 6 months due to Broadband Connection problems would you see a pattern emerge.

During the last period of disconnection, I was told I may be without Broadband for up to 2 weeks before an engineer could be called. I would commend the chap in Customer Loyalty who did a brilliant job of calming me down when I phoned with an ultimatum, “Fix it or I am taking my custom elsewhere”.

He must have jollied up the service department because I got a call the next morning. On this occasion I was told your equipment had picked up a fault on the line and was showing I had no Land Line or Broadband connection.

I can on occasion be sarcastic , I thought but did not say that “if there is no connection how does this chap think he is able to talk to me , TELEPATHY.”

The BT engineer assigned to my case reported back that he had found a minor fault on the line but not one that would have affected the Broadband in any way. He told me that in his opinion I had a “Bogey Man” or in plain English someone remotely disconnecting my connection.

To my point about basic fault finding and reporting, I think my years of service in the Armed Forces, Business and being a retired Electronic Engineer means that I will endeavour to cure a problem on my own before calling in someone who is less qualified than myself but has access to the on off switch.

Finally in the last bill I received from Talk Talk, I noted you are charging us a £92.76 contract breakage fee.

I was under the impression that my contract had been in place long enough for us not to have incurred any charge.
The Chap I talked to on this occasion told me that I still had 6 month to run on a 24 moth contract.
I find a penalty that equates to around £15.00 per month somewhat punitive.

I went on to tell your operative that I considered this figure something of a cheek seeing as I had been without a reliable Broadband for over 6 months. His reply was that as you include Broadband Free of Charge as part of your package, you could not compensate me for something you did not charge for, nor could he negotiate a reduction in the contract breakage fee.

I was once a director of a Hire Company. If we promised consumables F.O.C. as part of the package and then did not deliver them or charged for, my clients (several were blue chip companies) would have held me in breach of contract.

I am more than happy to pay any outstanding calls, line rental etc. However I refuse to pay the Contract breakage fee as it stands until I have had time to locate the original contract agreement or had a positive response from your office.

In the event of my being unable to locate the necessary paper work, I will be requesting a subject access request from your company for all of the documents, computer notes, screen shots and audio records you hold against our account.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention in this matter.

Yours sincerely,
Andy Mann

I will keep you all updated when I get a reply, not holding my breath though.

Regards, Handy

[mrsinvisible]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Handy, that is a superb example of the epistolatory art, I think you should award yourself an A* .
However, I agree that you don't hold your breath, as it is likely that the ceo is also a muppet, but a muppet who doesn't like to lose any money.
Good luck, tho, and if anyone can get them to pay up my money is on you.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Handy, that is a superb example of the epistolatory art, I think you should award yourself an A* .
However, I agree that you don't hold your breath, as it is likely that the ceo is also a muppet, but a muppet who doesn't like to lose any money.
Good luck, tho, and if anyone can get them to pay up my money is on you.

Well thanks Mrs I, but do you mean my letter reads like a Novel .

I did my best to keep it concise but thought it only fair to give as much information as I could so that they will get the Corporate Finger Out.

You should have seen some of the reports I had to put together a few years ago. One of my customers once said if he was in the dock for murder, he would want me to defend him.

I replied if he was in the dock I would be putting in for the job of public Hangman, now would he mind clearing his overdue account with my company

Still no response to my email as yet. OK so they will only have received it this morning but an acknowledgement would go a long way to keeping me happy.

Regards all, Handy

[Numpty Monkey]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi mate
I'm not doing to bad, I just seem to be working "siilly" hours, at the moment not long but just enough to knacker up a sleep patern

I did have brake last week(down south),
Arrive Saturday 5:15 pm
cleaning branches and stuff out of stream Saturday 5:45 pm
and thats the first day

Then various other stuff, including parish council meetings, leaflet posting, emptying lofts, and moving furniture including a bloody piano
This seems to spring to mind about the piano

and cuddleing Guinea pigs
so not a bad week

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi Numpty, I thought you would be working silly hours.
At some point you need to get down here to the Hall for a couple of days. I have plenty of Badgers for you to kick up the bum.
(For those who don't know it Numpty is an expert at separating Rutting Badgers with a well aimed kick from his carpet slippers) This time you may need your steel toe caps.

The little boogers are digging up the lawn and paths big style.
Flippin 4 legged humbugs.

Piano shifting is a lot of fun (not) Uprights are not too bad but Grands are a whole load of trouble.

Mrs Handy once decided we should buy an old Church Harmonium, there is another chapter in that in the end we had to give it away when we moved down here as at the time there was no room in the cottage for it.

I hope you had plenty of Cups of Tea in between you labours.
It's Hard work being a Domestic Engineer (Posh title for Handyman).

Look after yourself and keep in touch occasionally, Mrs H was just asking the other day if I knew how you were doing?

Regards, Handy

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Check out my new smiley Handy...

Now which one is you and which one is squawk squawk CEO

Btw in case you hadn't heard more trouble afoot for me on MSE ....(I just can't seem to stay out of trouble on there)

The 'god' of the stop smoking thread doesn't like e-cigs and any posts by e-cig users on her stop smoking thread promptly get removed....

I can post links and more info if you like...do we have a case legally?

SC

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Like the Smiley SC. Hope all is well with you for I haven't seen you around the interwobble this weekend.

I hope your taking it steady with that knee.

Mrs Handy now has a date to go and get hers done next month
It's going to be hard on her as they say the first few days after are so painful. She has decided to have it done under local, apparently the recovery time if you have it done by epidural is so much better.

Hi all, guess who I had an email from at lunchtime?
No other than the Big Boss of Squawk Squawk herself. I had tried 3 different email addresses. The last one worked. She got it at home this morning (I would have not been amused) She apologised for me feeling it necessary to contact her direct but promised that my complaint would be investigated immediately. I would like to by a fly on her office wall in the morning .

I haven't explored my box of old paperwork in the loft yet but looking at their own site and rates of early termination charges nothing adds up.

Let's see what tomorrow brings. I am already bracing myself for grief from Lady Hooray. She has had such a stressful week so many supper parties to attend, so I think she's looking for a Handyman to kick about. When I saw her this morning, instead of a cheery hello how are you, it was why haven't you watered the pots by the barn. I need a watering can there as I will have to do the job myself.

I replied that as they were about to float away down the garden on Friday morning it was not worth watering them. But it was warm and sunny yesterday said she.

I can't get her to realise that most of the plants we lose die here because of over watering.

But if Robin Fox Lane who writes the Gardening section in the times says do a thing then it has to be done.

Changing the subject Millie the Cat! 6 1/2 acres of garden and she knocks on the door to come in and use the cat litter, Phew.

She is really at home now and can be allowed out with out too much worry about if she will stray again.

She is a real hunter, but does like 3 square meals a day and home comforts which include evicting the dogs from their beds.


I will let you know how things go tomorrow.

Regards to all, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Why not tell Her Stupidity Ladyship that the plants need hydrogen hydroxide adding to their water and asking her to get some from the local pharmacy?

[Pixie]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Love the look on the face of the chocolate lab Handy...just about says it all

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

I had a three mile bike ride today cos I lost my bus pass...Ouch... and part of that was a whopping up hill...

Now bare in mind this was all done without tubigrip and then I had physio at the hospital etc etc...I am feeling sore

Och and paranoid...and stupid muppets se emporium doesn't help

SC

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Well I seem to have had a response

Dear Mr Andy Mann,

Many thanks for your recent email to Mrs. Dido Harding. I am extremely sorry you have had to contact her in search of a resolution to your complaint. Dido has asked me to own your issue on behalf of TalkTalk, and I would like to introduce myself as I will be investigating and resolving your query.

I will initiate an immediate investigation into the background and will be contacting you shortly to discuss the matter in more detail. Should you have an alternative contact number and preferred time of contact, please confirm to me and I will ensure these details are used. In the interim, I am available by both email and telephone. My direct number is XXXX XXXXX XXXX.

Please accept my sincere apologies for having to take the time to contact Squawk Squawk and be assured I will do everything I can to help bring this matter to a satisfactory resolution.

Yours Sincerely,

Ewan Hamilton
Manager, Chief Executive's Office
Squawk Squawk


Slight edit for the protection of anonymity

If anyone ever needs the correct email or direct phone number for them please pm me and I will be happy to pass on the details.

Regards, Handy

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Why not tell Her Stupidity Ladyship that the plants need hydrogen hydroxide adding to their water and asking her to get some from the local pharmacy?

Don't think I'm not tempted (sometimes). I sometimes do let things go pear shaped as it's the only way to prove a point. I keep a 5 gallon drum of Hyper Chlorate on hand as its the best and quickest way to remove moss and algae from the flags and cobbles, it's also great as a defoliant

As I installed most of the security, plumbing and electric's at the property I could cause a lot of unattributable failures. Problem is I'm not that sort of chap. Well only to people who really pish me off

She isn't unique, since I got involved in this sort of work (by need, not by choice) I have met dozens who are worse. None of them have ever had a real job, they can't understand why everybody doesn't live in a 3M house with 20 acres and have inherited wealth.

If you talk to them they will tell you how hard they have worked, building houses and laying out gardens, or running Art Galleries and so on.

In other words they broke into a sweat signing the check for the folk who did the labour for them.

Sometimes it gets right up my snotter.

Today something came up in conversation, she said to me you have a downer on Cameron. I replied do you blame me, he is an upper Middle Class Twit (much like everyone she knows ) who can't even tell you how much a pint of milk costs. Now his muppets are suggesting removing D.L.A from amputee ex service men.

The conversation finished at that point.
Now if anything happened to upset her little bubble she would be baying for blood. But then one doesn't turn on ones own, does one?

Regards all, Handy