So how do we do it?

[jen_br]

Im almost in my 30's and I moved to the UK 7 years ago.. moved from the north to the south and im finding myself very isolated...

So how does one go and meet friends? I don't go to school I don't really work in a regular environment and I dont go clubbing... So how do we do it?

I turn to an online community becaue I feel that I can relate to people and I find it easier to hide being an alias. But I guess as im getting older I feel this need for friends.. and I seriously haven't made more then 1 friend in the uk in 7 YEARS!

I am starting to find it hard.. and I guess im asking those who have other social lives where do you get them from? LOL..

[stevieb]

Re: So how do we do it?

Im almost in my 30's and I moved to the UK 7 years ago.. moved from the north to the south and im finding myself very isolated...

So how does one go and meet friends? I don't go to school I don't really work in a regular environment and I dont go clubbing... So how do we do it?

I turn to an online community becaue I feel that I can relate to people and I find it easier to hide being an alias. But I guess as im getting older I feel this need for friends.. and I seriously haven't made more then 1 friend in the uk in 7 YEARS!

I am starting to find it hard.. and I guess im asking those who have other social lives where do you get them from? LOL..

I know exactly how you feel!!
"real life local friends" I can count on one hand
"people I know in the local area" I can count on one hand

I spend all day talking to cows, and late into the night online (nought else to do round here, cant go out and drink as late finishes and early starts)

When I am home, I can spend all weekend with only my son for company, when I was off work for over a year I spent pretty much all of that in solitude, with the exception of visits to the hospital, my son and deliveries of groceries.
Time is something I don't have a great deal of to 'meet' folks nowdays speaking from others round this way its folks they have grown up with/known all their lives.


Good question thread though

[jen_br]

Re: So how do we do it?

EXACTLY! If i was back home in Canada I would have people.. My husband has work friends but his social friends from his party days just don't get on with me.. Im just polar opposite to them... So I just feel stuck sometimes.

[HelpingHand]

Re: So how do we do it?

I know how you feel jen_br. Not much more than a year ago I was single, living alone and knew 2 couples in the village in which I had lived since 1998! One best friend lives over 45 miles away from me and the other now lives in Alabama, USA! I work in a small company with no opportunity to meet people. I'm not a 'joiner' so although there are various clubs and meetings in my local village hall they were not for me, and neither did I feel comfortable visiting my local pub alone.

I spent ALL my free time playing The Sims 2 and/or chatting with like-minded cyber friends on various Sims 2 forums that I belong to.

I had recently been cajoled into joining facebook and one crazy, lonely evening in August last year I clicked on an advertisement banner at the top of my facebook page. This took me to a site called PlentyOfFish.com. Now although this is ostensibly a (free) dating site there were options to state that you were just looking for friends and I thought that perhaps I could do that and maybe meet up with others looking for friends and someone to go to the pub with occasionally - so I found myself registering.

After I registered I was presented with a page of possible 'matches'. These were all men in my local area and I realised that I had selected dating as well as friends. Oh well, can't hurt to look, can it? I wasn't taken with any of the profiles of the guys who's pictures I'd clicked on, so as it was now approaching 2am and I had work the following day I shut down my pc and went to bed.

The next day I was alerted in my email inbox that someone on PlentyOfFish had sent me a message so I logged in and there was this cheeky message form one of the guys who's profile I had clicked on the night before. It went along the lines of "Hi, I noticed that you visited my profile last night but you didn't stop and say hello. Did something scare you off?"

Being a polite person, I replied and said that I had just joined and was randomly clicking on the first page that was presented to me and that he hadn't been singled out for a visit. I also said that his profile said he was looking for a long term relationship and I wasn't and that even if I was, and please don't be offended, that he was at least 6 inches too short for me! (I only go for tall men!)

Later that day I had another message from him saying that he was used to people saying he was too short and that he wasn't offended. My reply was that I was glad he wasn't offended and that even though I wasn't interested in dating him friends come in all shapes and sizes.

We continued a cyber conversation for a couple of weeks and I found him funny and charming but it still wasn't getting me out of the house, so one day I suggested that if we were going to be friends we should at least meet up for a beer of something. He agreed and a place and time was set - Thursday 10th September 2009, at my local pub!

From the moment we said hello we never stopped talking -and laughing - and by the end of the evening he had convinced me to meet him at his local pub the following Tuesday where there was an open mic music night. On the night he introduced me to all his friends and I had a fabulous evening - just the kind of vibe I really love.

Cutting a long story slightly shorter, from then on we became almost inseparable as friends - going out to open mic nights and even a day trip to the seaside - and through him, over the course of the past year or so, I have met loads of lovely people whom I can now happily call friends and my life is fun and social once again.

This story also has an aside because I finally "got out of my own way" as one of my dearest friends likes to put it and realised that there was more to this relationship that just friendship, even though he is shorter than me, and we are now planning a wedding for September next year.

Sorry to ramble on, and I know you're not looking for a relationship (neither was I), but I just wanted to share with you how a chance meeting has expanded my social outlook and gained me some new friends.

[Pixie]

Re: So how do we do it?

What a lovely story HH.

I don't have many real-life friends, though I did when the children were younger, though I have lots of people I chat with when I meet them (eg when shopping), but I don't count them as friends. I don't have a regular workplace so no chance of friends there either.

I suppose the old chestnuts of going to night classes or volunteering are ways of meeting people. Do you chat to people when you are out with the children? I have several acquaintances that I chat to when I'm walking my dog (even got chatted up the other day!)

[HelpingHand]

Re: So how do we do it?

I don't have children so I've never had a visa to that particular club!

I do go to evening classes at the moment, which is a nice social evening, but I don't consider any of the other students as friends and I know I won't stay in touch with any of them once the course ends.

[Angelic]

Re: So how do we do it?

Do you chat to people when you are out with the children?

Everyone will tell you that baby groups are the best place to make friends...what a load of shi*e!!

I've been to 3 or 4 groups and didn't fit in because my style of parenting seems so different from others around me - my kids never had dummies, they can get dirty if they want, if they want something they can get it themselves and I don't wrap 'em in cotton wool!

It seemed like all the other mothers around here are on germ alert 24/7 and their children must not touch anything dirty. I got DD to wash her hands before eating and after making mess with stuff and as a result, I ended up with a child with OCD - will only be getting DS to wash his hands before eating if he actually needs to! 2

The point to this post was that unless you are the same (don't want to mention being in a clique because that'll just start me off into another rant ;30 ) as those around you, you will not be 'accepted' by other mothers.

That's just here...might be better elsewhere! ;LOL

[confused76]

Re: So how do we do it?

hello all
i do have the same problem...i have moved a few times so my friends are scattered across the country. i don't really know anyone around here. i'd love to know what the secret is! i'm also no longer into drinking or clubbing and prefer the quiet life.

however, i joined weightwatchers in May and met a lovely group of women. i've been invited along to a Christmas dinner for a select few (who have known each other for years) so i was very flattered. we don't tend to meet outside of ww, but have a good catch up every week and know the in's and out's of each others lives.

i would say joining some form of club, although a cliche would actually be quite effective, given my ww experience, i'm just a bit shy at the moment.

i saw a leaflet in the doctors surgery for a walking club, have a look online there might be one near you if you fancy something like that.

HH that's a lovely story, amazing how things turn out.

Argh Angelic, i thought having children was the key to meeting likeminded people...that's a shame. xx

[Angelic]

Re: So how do we do it?

Argh Angelic, i thought having children was the key to meeting likeminded people...that's a shame. xx

It's such a shame as, although there are alot of kids around here, none of them are allowed to be kids. We were at a party today and DS had a lolly which was getting put down on the floor and picked up again and stuck back in his mouth and someone told me that the lolly had been on the floor - I said 'I know, but he needs to build up an immune system at some point' - I just don't understand why a lolly being on the floor is such a big deal!!

[confused76]

Re: So how do we do it?

Argh Angelic, i thought having children was the key to meeting likeminded people...that's a shame. xx

It's such a shame as, although there are alot of kids around here, none of them are allowed to be kids. We were at a party today and DS had a lolly which was getting put down on the floor and picked up again and stuck back in his mouth and someone told me that the lolly had been on the floor - I said 'I know, but he needs to build up an immune system at some point' - I just don't understand why a lolly being on the floor is such a big deal!!

he'd have been more distraught if you'd taken his lolly off him!! ;EEK

[LooLoo]

Re: So how do we do it?

Hello

Good thread Jen.

I am lucky after moving around when I was younger I am back to about a mile from where I was born. I have two jobs both of which I have good friends. I am still in touch with school and college friends.

I do however enjoy meeting people through forums and online (O yeah and one thing to point out is just becuase we are "online" friends we are still REAL)

One of my friends has been using Plenty of Fish and is having a ball on there she is not taking life too seriously and it is really buiding up her confidence.

I am also lucky inthe fact that I do have lovely neighbours whom we mix with as well.

That is lovely Confused that you have been invited out with your slimming group.

I love you down to earth and real approach to parenting Angelica I wish more people would follow

xx

[jen_br]

Re: So how do we do it?

Loo- thats just it a lot of my friends from online turn out to be better friends then those I met in "real" life. My husband and I met through online.. I was his bestfriends penpal since we were 8... I flew over here to meet my penpal and met his bestfriend the rest was history.

[LooLoo]

Re: So how do we do it?

I met a girl over 10 years ago from NY in a chat room, we got chatting had lots in common planned visits and she really is one of my closest friends.

Ahhhhh lovely story about hubby....

The thing is the people you chat to on line is normally because you have something in common with them in the first place so that always helps.