Hooray Hall - Adventures of a Handyman Part 2

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi all, sorry for not posting here for a while. Blinking Internet connection is still giving me problems. I keep getting cut off for up to and sometimes over 24 hours at a time. Talk (No)Talk keep going round in circles. Don't worry in a very short time I am planning to move to a provider that hopefully can get things sorted out?

I have the mobile phone so I can keep up to date but the signal here is so bad it can take several minutes to load a page, so posting a reply is almost impossible.

For now I hope you are all well and life is going OK for you all.

Regards, Handy

[IF]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Hi Handy, Oh no, blooody internet eh!! Hope you get it sorted soon matey we miss ya

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Ya only missing me being hormonal LOL

Green bewb anyone?

SC

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Ya only missing me being hormonal LOL

Green bewb anyone?

Green what?

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

When I get more time to post I can tell you what a sad time this last few days have been, but this evening has had a real bright spot. Kid Sis is over with her four Border Collies, so at walkie time tonight I had 8 dogs to take out. It's great how they all all get on like one big Wolf Pack.

On the way down the lawn from the woods, they gate crashed a dinner party that was being held in the barn conversion by one of her Ladyships friends.

The Counte de Lambrusco was swaying in the breeze holding the door open, "I say I have never seen so many dogs since the last hunt meet". Silly booger should have kept the door shut, 4 collies, 2 Labs and 2 Border Terriers swept in no doubt lured by the smell of Escargot in Garlic Butter and Rare Roast Beef.

No doubt I will get in in the neck in the morning, the tight boogers never even gave the dogs a scrap of the left overs. I will point out that if the Silly Count had shut the door the rest of the dinner guests wouldn't have been mugged by the dogs.

In a way I'm glad they never got any, 8 dogs with the squits would be as much as this old Handyman could cope with. The Pooper Scooper has already gone into overtime this week

Regards all, Handy

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Green what?

I take it SC still has a bad case of Nonpuerperal mastitis, hence the Green excretion (Yuk).

Lets hope she finds a medic who knows how to treat it effectively as it is sometimes not caused by infection alone.

Regards, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

the tight boogers never even gave the dogs a scrap of the left overs.

In a way I'm glad they never got any, 8 dogs with the squits would be as much as this old Handyman could cope with.

How do you know the scraps from the High Table would have brought on diarrhoea?

I hope you soon feel better.

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

How do you know the scraps from the High Table would have brought on diarrhoea?

I hope you soon feel better.

Remember I see how and what Lady Hooray cooks, she was trained as a Cordon Bleu cook, but unfortunately missed the section on food hygiene

For a Dinner Party she will prepare a Sea food Course a week in advance, the Main course 3 days in advance and the pudding from month old left overs. In her parlance Well Hung means it must be that ripe that even her terriers turn their noses up. Rare means a piece of beef that has had its Horns removed, its Arse wiped and has been passed through a low flame, If if still Moos when you stick your fork in then it's just about perfect.

In her circle she is revered for her Gastronomic skills! I have said of her guests that if you can find blood in their Alcohol Stream they would be ill, good job because it seems to kill most bacteria.

The last time we had the septic tank emptied I told the tanker driver he should be paying us for the contents. There is that much Venison, Grouse and Champagne in there I told him it has cost £20.00 per kilo to produce I believe he sold half the load the the local allotment society.

Regards, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Remember I see how and what Lady Hooray cooks, she was trained as a Cordon Bleu cook, but unfortunately missed the section on food hygiene

Not so much Cordon Bleu as Cordon Doff?

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Not so much Cordon Bleu as Cordon Doff?

Oh that's a good one.

In a Local shop there is a plaque to hang in the Kitchen.
It reads "Many have Eaten Here, But Few have Died."
I wanted to buy it for Lady Hooray but Mrs Handy put her foot down with a firm hand. "one day" she said "even Her Ladyship will realise your extracting the Urine."

[Johanino]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

So take it your interwebby is now fixed....

Any tips on unblocking a partially blocked loo?

And I have breast clinic on the 16th...chaperone?

And now creepy crawlies and I don't mean on the floor (and no you can't see them)

SC

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

So take it your interwebby is now fixed....

Any tips on unblocking a partially blocked loo?

And I have breast clinic on the 16th...chaperone?

And now creepy crawlies and I don't mean on the floor (and no you can't see them)

SC

Use a large 2 litre coke bottle with the bottom cut off as a plunger. Keep the cap screwed on as you may get measles if it splashes back . BTW make sure that the bowl is full of water first.

Chaperone on the 16th I really don't think you would need me for that job? not that I'm squeamish or anything, or that I don't know what's involved in the examination. Something similar to a bloke being asked to stick his nuts in a vice (ouch). But you mat find a sympathetic female presence of more value than the gallows humour of a sceptical old Handyman.

Regarding the creepy crawlies (no smart reply here) sounds like your new meds need adjusting? who can you ask (trust) for advice?

Regards, Handy

[Numpty Monkey]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Have you fixed the interwebby?

Next will be an industrial popperscopper

[Handyman]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

Have you fixed the interwebby?

Next will be an industrial popperscopper

Fingers Crossed, I haven't lost the connection for over 36 hours now. Speed seems a bit erratic. I would like to say it will be fine now, but I doubt it. Talk Talk will do anything rather than have the line checked between here and the exchange. I think that there are two faults, one on the line and the other is in the programming of the local network at their end. I think that it isn't up to the local capacity and that they deliberately slow speeds to below 5 meg at peak times.

I do have an industrial Pooper Scooper, it's called a shovel an Wheelbarrow. Mind you there has been that much on the lawn this last few days I could have done with a JCB.

When Her Ladyship asks what all the dead brown patches are on the lawn, I will have to tell her it's frost damage

Dog Pish is the most effective weed killer I have found .

Even my poor little ornamental Cyprus look as though someone has taken a blow lamp to the bottom foliage, some of the new Christmas Roses are not looking to good either. (those I can blame on Lady Hooray's terriers).

Regards for now, Handy

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Hooray Hall. Adventures of a Handyman pt2

When Her Ladyship asks what all the dead brown patches are on the lawn, I will have to tell her it's frost damage

Dog Pish is the most effective weed killer I have found .

Even my poor little ornamental Cyprus look as though someone has taken a blow lamp to the bottom foliage, some of the new Christmas Roses are not looking to good either. (those I can blame on Lady Hooray's terriers).

That reminds me of the time that Lady Blington (wife of the late Sir Norman Blington, Bart.) moved a dwarf conifer to a flower bed from a silly concrete pot that was supposed to look Japanese. Soon, the conifer had brown burn marks all over the side nearest to the path and Her Ladyship asked me why that should be.

"It's probably because of where it's been put," I replied. "In the pot, it was above ground level so it wouldn't get the ground frost."

I hadn't the heart to tell her that her darling, ankle-biting pug had been piddling on it.