My dad is really ill

[nanna58]

Re: My dad is really ill

I know exactly how you feel , my hubby and me had to have his mum put into care (dementia) hubby said it was the hardest thing he ever had to do.But she was walking round inthe night the police picked her up ,the only wash she had was once a week when I bathed her , so many things .It was the best thing as we worked at the time and could only visit her at home in the evenings .She also got knocked down and broke her shoulder and didn't even know.So if nothing else it takes away your worry at least he will be cared for ,and fed .Do not feel guilty take care.xxx

[Spent2much]

Re: My dad is really ill

thank you JLC and nanna - last night when we visited we were asked if this was going to be a permanent thing i deep down know it is because he can't walk with out help he uses a frame -

Not sure how my mum will cope with money though she only gets £144 a fortnight because of my dads private and state pension and if he goes into full time care all his money will go to pay for that . I can only assume she will have her money made up to a living standard and she's nearly 84 and has a disability too but gets nothing as she can still walk about bent over with a frame and dress and wash herself .

[nanna58]

Re: My dad is really ill

A friend if my daughter has had a mobility car for 20years , because of cuts he has had it taken off him because he can work , he has MS .So unsure how things will work for mum, I'm sick of these cuts i really am.Personaly I'm in favour of overseas aid being spent here.xxx

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

I've just received a letter for my assessment. The place it's at has no parking. They won't come because I'm not housebound. There is another assessment centre which is better so I've asked for an assessment there. I'll probably lose my car after having one for 20 years. I will then be housebound.

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

thank you JLC and nanna - last night when we visited we were asked if this was going to be a permanent thing i deep down know it is because he can't walk with out help he uses a frame -

Not sure how my mum will cope with money though she only gets £144 a fortnight because of my dads private and state pension and if he goes into full time care all his money will go to pay for that . I can only assume she will have her money made up to a living standard and she's nearly 84 and has a disability too but gets nothing as she can still walk about bent over with a frame and dress and wash herself .

she should get pension credits and attendance allowance. If not, she would need to look at universal credits. If it comes to him staying more permanently, let me know and I'll look into it for you. If she is disabled, she should have a social worker and care plan in place

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

thank you JLC and nanna - last night when we visited we were asked if this was going to be a permanent thing i deep down know it is because he can't walk with out help he uses a frame -

Not sure how my mum will cope with money though she only gets £144 a fortnight because of my dads private and state pension and if he goes into full time care all his money will go to pay for that . I can only assume she will have her money made up to a living standard and she's nearly 84 and has a disability too but gets nothing as she can still walk about bent over with a frame and dress and wash herself .

she should get pension credits and attendance allowance. If not, she would need to look at universal credits. If it comes to him staying more permanently, let me know and I'll look into it for you. If she is disabled, she should have a social worker and care plan in place.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN....pdf?dtrk=true

[Pixie]

Re: My dad is really ill

I'm sick of these cuts i really am.Personaly I'm in favour of overseas aid being spent here.xxx

So am I on both counts nanna. Fair enough, send emergency aid when there's a disaster but other than that, charity begins at home.

JLC thank you i will look into the patch - it is a strange feeling we are relaxed he's in good care but at the same time we feel so guilty and hate leaving him - for me as his only daughter i cry because he used to be such a big strong man my dad my hero now he is frail and can't do much for himself - never thought it would come to this my lovely dad my hero i love him so much he was always so strong and made me feel safe - now i have to watch him deteriorate like this . xx

That's exactly how I feel S2M, though I'm not his only daughter I may as well be (but that's another story.) My big strong Dad now shuffles around and can't do half the things he used to be able to and it really makes him depressed.

The care home sounds lovely S2M and, even though you don't want him to be there permanently, it's probably the best place for him xx

[Spent2much]

Re: My dad is really ill

My dad came home on Friday he has more cuts and bruises than when he went in, he has fallen about five times a day in there .

So we have him home we got the bed downstairs in the lounge , and were visited by a social worker who proudly told us there is a plan in place and a carer will be at the house to sit through the night from 10-6 , sounds great !

last night first day home - my dad is unresponsive in the chair not drinking not doing a thing , so he is take to A&E for treatment , we're there 7 hours - he's dehydrated and receives a drip to rehydrate him , all blood works clear , chest x ray clear , ecg clear , sugar good . They send him home and when we get home no carer , so i slept on the sofa while my mum went to bed .

I've had 2 hours sleep since Thursday .

Just had a call from my bother he has been intouch with social services as the night carer hasn't turned up once again - he is at work at 6 in the morning and is sleeping on the sofa .

What would you do at this point ?

Opinions please totally exhausted and let down by social services .

PS my dads health deteriorated fast when he went into respite - it is clear that isn't the thing for him . Social services agree and this is where they said they have put a care package into place .

My dad was laid in a bed of urine from 10 this morning to 3.30 this afteroon as me and my mum couldn't move him to change him .

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

Really sorry to hear this, and I really feel for you. Having been through this, hopefully I can help you.

if I was you, I would tell the social services that you want to switch to direct payments, then you will be able to employ someone that you trust to look after your dad and pay them a wage. It means you have to be an employer, but we have a local organisation called weicil who do it for us (wage slips etc).

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-adv...irect-payments

above is a link to how it works and the carers uk website who are very helpful.

I know it doesn't help you in the short term, but I think your only other option would be to get in touch with a hospice.

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

Also, you should ask your doctors surgery to put help into place for the OT to come out. They should be able to get you a hospital style bed, plus bedsheets to help him move better.

there are also grants from the council to make structural changes and adaptions (I'm just going through this at the moment).

[Spent2much]

Re: My dad is really ill

thank you JLC we are going to look into direct payments .
My dad was singing to my mum last night .

He's very much improved this morning hes had some breakfast and walked from the bed to the chair next to my mum - they were holding hands when i walked in .

This is the song he was singing bless him

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

Direct payments is best as you choose the person/people. My mums PA comes in the morning five days a week and my husband helps my mum the other two. It works well for us as I know the lady we employed.

[Spent2much]

Re: My dad is really ill

Thanks again JLC- my dad had a great day yesterday he was sat in the chair he has started eating , the carers came during the day as promised - then the last carers of the day came at 8.30 and tried putting my dad to bed but he was angry and told them to piss off its too early for bed ( i agree with him on this one ) - so by 9 o oclock i get a phone call from mum telling me dad is playing up . I said well it is early for bed and he is a grown man - she said he was falling asleep on the chair but i see nothing with a cat nap what he does all day long . 9.45 i get another call can i go and help mum as dad is being stubborn and still won't go to bed . I had to resist going round because the night carer was due and me and my brother said that if we are always there at the drop of a hat the carers will think we don't need so much help with dad so as much as it pained me i had to just talk to dad on the mobile phone - i told him that he needs to remain calm and when the night carer comes to tell her when he is tired and she will help him to lie down and and he can go to sleep . He wanted me there to sleep all night but i can't do that I'm shattered and I'm now awake still worrying if he has settled and how he is . I promised i would be round to see him in the morning i will go around 8 .

Such a mess but at least the carer turned up - but now its Monday and we have to see what is in place for the rest of the week . Both my brothers go on holiday for a week end of this week so its going to be left to me . I pray there will be a care package in place by that time because i physically cannot do more than i am now .

[JLC]

Re: My dad is really ill

8.30 is definitely too early. One of my mums friend who had Parkinson's and had carers was put to bed at 6.30. Sometimes she didn't go, so was left in her chair in the lounge. with the direct payments, you can have a family member as the carer providing they don't live with the person being cared for.

The social services should tell you about this.

[Pixie]

Re: My dad is really ill

What a horrible situatiom S2M