youngest moved out today

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

I am sorry that you're going through this. When someone is apparently under the control of another, you have to be so careful with what you say or how it is said. It's a bit like Stockholm Syndrome where the person feels more empathy for the captor, as it were, than the person's own family/ friends. Time is a great healer as they say, am sure your son will come back into your life in the not too distant future. But please do not say 'no problem' as it will just make him angry at you, which worsens the situation. You have to be objective and not provoke (as hard as that is.

Things have been said both ways im afraid and we made it up, but this time i didn't say or do anything wrong . I'm in a bit of a sticky situation too right now , he owes the garage we use 260 quid and the guy is a mate of ours and so is/was his partner and she contacted me yesterday said we are liars and un-christian as we told our son not to pay his debt which simply isn't true , i replied told her my son isn't speaking to us and she basically said not her problem and she wants the money , as if we would pay this debt . Anyway she wants us to drive an hour away to get the address where he his living as we only know the way and not the address and this is honestly the situation , but she called us liars and was really rude so why should we help her out . Her partner is fine but she was just so nasty . I don't know if its our business to go and tell them his address as it would make things worse for us , does anyone agree ?

[Helper2015]

Re: youngest moved out today

Well my son lives an hour away from us , so two weeks ago we arranged to meet up with him and his girlfriend , they were 45 minutes late , we wondered around the shops and it was hinted more than once that they would appreciate a cup of coffee and a burger , we didn't have much money and told them we wouldn't be having anything .

As we were wondering around the shops his girlfriend pointed to some big Christmas gift bags which they had bought for her best friends kids and I casually asked whether they were buying for my grandson 3 years old , there was no answer so i asked again and the answer was NO . Well when we got home i text my son and asked why he wasn't buying for his only nephew and i got a reply saying . Don't be rude it has nothing to do with you and if my finances are all you're bothered about then i don't want you in my life , so i just text back and said , i don't think a simple question is rude i didn't ask anything about your financial situation but if you're being like this then no problem .

I then went on facebook and noticed that his girlfriend had blocked me although she wasn't a friend she just used chat to ask me things lol .

Well i just think i will leave my son to it now he seems to be controlled by this girl and he has to find out the hard way .

What a Merry Christmas present that was .

I am sorry that you're going through this. When someone is apparently under the control of another, you have to be so careful with what you say or how it is said. It's a bit like Stockholm Syndrome where the person feels more empathy for the captor, as it were, than the person's own family/ friends. Time is a great healer as they say, am sure your son will come back into your life in the not too distant future. But please do not say 'no problem' as it will just make him angry at you, which worsens the situation. You have to be objective and not provoke (as hard as that is.

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

totally agree with Julian, Leave them to it.
I have a niece who has two grownup children, her daughter now has two children, they live 12 miles from My mum, they have not been to see her for the last 12 months, they posted her Birthday card to her, no flowers no chocolates,
last Christmas Mum spent £10 on all of them £50 in total, she got one card and a £1.99 box of biscuits from all of them, they stayed for 10 mins as they had arranged to go for lunch with friends. They are in for a shock this year as I am doing mums Christmas shopping, they know she has been in hospital and the problems we have had on her release, have they called in on her NO!!
I bet they are the first in the door when we are emptying the house when (IF) mum goes into residential care.
Take care of yourself S2M and have a great Christmas xxx

Thank you i will do i am stronger than last year as i had a breakdown at the beginning of January through all this with my son and sick parents , but i am well now and enjoying life again . My dad is very ill but i am coping with that now too , my son made it clear and he doesn't love me but i still love him but he can come to me if he wants i won't be running after him .
Sorry to hear about your mum I really am , glad you've done the Christmas shopping too and they will be sorry for sure for cutting your mum out . My husband was going ring him but i said don't he made it clear let him live his life .
Merry Christmas to you too and Julian and everyone on here God bless you all xxx

[nightwatch]

Re: youngest moved out today

totally agree with Julian, Leave them to it.
I have a niece who has two grownup children, her daughter now has two children, they live 12 miles from My mum, they have not been to see her for the last 12 months, they posted her Birthday card to her, no flowers no chocolates,
last Christmas Mum spent £10 on all of them £50 in total, she got one card and a £1.99 box of biscuits from all of them, they stayed for 10 mins as they had arranged to go for lunch with friends. They are in for a shock this year as I am doing mums Christmas shopping, they know she has been in hospital and the problems we have had on her release, have they called in on her NO!!
I bet they are the first in the door when we are emptying the house when (IF) mum goes into residential care.
Take care of yourself S2M and have a great Christmas xxx

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

A painful situation probably because of pecuniary embarrassment. £1000 is not a lot after tax, NI, rent and utilities when he thinks he should be on holiday, out with mates etc. Whereas you and his sibling(s) have..... whether true or not. He cannot afford a child even if he wanted one etc. etc.

He is acting like a 2 year old. Treat him like one. Ignore him until he gets over the tantrum.

I, personally, would forget you received any texts. If you have his address, send him nice Christmas Card with a brief Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year Love Mum and Dad xxxxxx. Then, enjoy your grandson and the rest of Christmas. Don't cut any ties and he will eventually see sense. I would also not tell the rest of the family about the episode, but tell them if they ask that you saw him last week, he was well and will be doing his own thing over Christmas. If they then contact him, he cannot blame you for anything else, and will see how nasty he has been (hopefully).

He lives at her mothers house so should have money , if i wanted to just go and meet up with him to secure a christmas present as he put it for my grandson i may as well have just given a tenna to my grandson as that's what diesel costs to go see him , i will have a great Christmas for sure my grandson makes sure of that . Most of what was said was her words but he has his own mind so to blame .

[julian]

Re: youngest moved out today

A painful situation probably because of pecuniary embarrassment. £1000 is not a lot after tax, NI, rent and utilities when he thinks he should be on holiday, out with mates etc. Whereas you and his sibling(s) have..... whether true or not. He cannot afford a child even if he wanted one etc. etc.

He is acting like a 2 year old. Treat him like one. Ignore him until he gets over the tantrum.

I, personally, would forget you received any texts. If you have his address, send him nice Christmas Card with a brief Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year Love Mum and Dad xxxxxx. Then, enjoy your grandson and the rest of Christmas. Don't cut any ties and he will eventually see sense. I would also not tell the rest of the family about the episode, but tell them if they ask that you saw him last week, he was well and will be doing his own thing over Christmas. If they then contact him, he cannot blame you for anything else, and will see how nasty he has been (hopefully).

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Received a text tonight from my son telling me that every time he sees a text from me his stomach churns, he doesn't love me but loves his father and i stop him having a relationship with him , i only wanted to meet up a few weeks back to secure a xmas present from him for my grandson , he doesn't want anything to do with me and it will break his heart not to be able to see his father but he want's me out of his life as i get on his nerves and cause him upset .
Then he told me that he is going to block me from his phone and to let him and his girlfriend live their life and we should live ours.

This is from the ungrateful little bastard that i nearly died giving life to , 36 hours i was in labour with him and he hates me ?

ps so sorry for my language on this post i was very upset at the time

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

I am so sorry that you have been hit with this. You seem to have made every effort. Perhaps your son is now financially dependent on his girlfriend and embarrassed.

It is in the same vein that my parents took care of certain grandchildren when their parents worked, wanted a night out or went away and now those families do not visit my mum, but are constantly 4 miles away with the in-laws, without even dropping in on my mother when they have made the 100 mile trip to visit them. Then last week they posted the link to that German Christmas video. No brains, no thought!

She is dependent on him he earns £1000 a month and they never have any money so they say . I haven't seen the video No brains , no thought .
On top all this my dad is really not good he has deteriorated so fast , put it this way yesterday me and my hubby had to shampoo the bedroom carpet , its heart breaking to see .I feel quite down today as seeing my dad so ill at 80 with Parkinson's scares me , old age doesn't look much fun .

[julian]

Re: youngest moved out today

I am so sorry that you have been hit with this. You seem to have made every effort. Perhaps your son is now financially dependent on his girlfriend and embarrassed.

It is in the same vein that my parents took care of certain grandchildren when their parents worked, wanted a night out or went away and now those families do not visit my mum, but are constantly 4 miles away with the in-laws, without even dropping in on my mother when they have made the 100 mile trip to visit them. Then last week they posted the link to that German Christmas video. No brains, no thought!

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Well my son lives an hour away from us , so two weeks ago we arranged to meet up with him and his girlfriend , they were 45 minutes late , we wondered around the shops and it was hinted more than once that they would appreciate a cup of coffee and a burger , we didn't have much money and told them we wouldn't be having anything .

As we were wondering around the shops his girlfriend pointed to some big Christmas gift bags which they had bought for her best friends kids and I casually asked whether they were buying for my grandson 3 years old , there was no answer so i asked again and the answer was NO . Well when we got home i text my son and asked why he wasn't buying for his only nephew and i got a reply saying . Don't be rude it has nothing to do with you and if my finances are all you're bothered about then i don't want you in my life , so i just text back and said , i don't think a simple question is rude i didn't ask anything about your financial situation but if you're being like this then no problem .

I then went on facebook and noticed that his girlfriend had blocked me although she wasn't a friend she just used chat to ask me things lol .

Well i just think i will leave my son to it now he seems to be controlled by this girl and he has to find out the hard way .

What a Merry Christmas present that was .

[The Tech Clerk]

Re: youngest moved out today

Make sure that he says 'no', but why the excuse? The problem with inventing an excuse is you have to remember it. Perhaps you can just say it is inconvenient, as you are unable to have the rabbits in the garden or contact with their fur, ie his girlfriend, as you think you have developed an allergy to them, as you have noticed that after each visit you are unwell. Who eats the dog food?

End of the month, run out of money? Play the game, beans on toast, homemade soup and bread, rice and fried egg. When he asks why, say you have always to cut back the end of the month and when you have unexpected expenses. He may consider living off you his birth right, as you always provide.

Just like a Rubber Ball = Comes Bouncing Back To You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Make sure that he says 'no', but why the excuse? The problem with inventing an excuse is you have to remember it. Perhaps you can just say it is inconvenient, as you are unable to have the rabbits in the garden or contact with their fur, ie his girlfriend, as you think you have developed an allergy to them, as you have noticed that after each visit you are unwell. Who eats the dog food?

End of the month, run out of money? Play the game, beans on toast, homemade soup and bread, rice and fried egg. When he asks why, say you have always to cut back the end of the month and when you have unexpected expenses. He may consider living off you his birth right, as you always provide.

You make good points , and in fact my husband does have an allergy to fur as we have two cats but not sure if rabbit fur is different but we could make that excuse as my husband gets repeat prescriptions from the doctor for his allergy so we could say the doctor suspects his allergy is worse because of the rabbits .

[julian]

Re: youngest moved out today

Make sure that he says 'no', but why the excuse? The problem with inventing an excuse is you have to remember it. Perhaps you can just say it is inconvenient, as you are unable to have the rabbits in the garden or contact with their fur, ie his girlfriend, as you think you have developed an allergy to them, as you have noticed that after each visit you are unwell. Who eats the dog food?

End of the month, run out of money? Play the game, beans on toast, homemade soup and bread, rice and fried egg. When he asks why, say you have always to cut back the end of the month and when you have unexpected expenses. He may consider living off you his birth right, as you always provide.

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Son is speaking again now and brings his girlfriend here , we speak and are pleasant but it isn't nice lol . Son is controlled by her . It was my birthday a few days back and I didn't receive a card or a phone call from him , but she did send me a pm on facebook saying happy birthday and that my son forgot , but its really funny because my birthday is 1st Sep and my mum's is the 2nd and yet he remember hers and phoned her . It hurts a lot because i remember all birthdays and go out of my way to make them nice .

The other thing is this , we have noticed a pattern forming . At the end of each month my son phones his dad to ask if he and his girlfriend can stay over for a week as some sort of event has happened at her mums and they need to be out of the house , when they stay over he doesn't offer any money towards food or to help with gas and electric and we're not greedy parents he lived rent free here as he was on a low wage , but we would appreciate even £20 towards gas and electric .

Last week his girlfriend was looking on facebook and said they needed to buy a birthday card and present for a friend and yet i received nothing

Also they went to 'the range' and bought £30 worth of rabbit and dog food , she brings her four rabbits here when they stay so my garden is full of rabbit droppings when they leave .

Hubby said today that next time our son phones him to stay he is going to tell him no ,not sure what excuse he will tell him not that he needs one but we just feel we are being used here .

Looking on a the bright side of life , eldest son wants us to go to Rhodes next May with them and we're going to use some of the money my dad gave us to pay the deposit .

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: youngest moved out today

Me. Please keep things relevant.