Torn in Two

[tastyjane]

Re: Torn in Two

Thanks again, I think one of my frustrations is that so the money thing was removed from our relationship I set up 2 joint accounts, 1 for mortgage bills etc and 1 for food. He totally agreed the concept so leaving each of us our surplus for us to spend as we see fit. The issue is he "forgets" to put the agreed amount in each month!

Due to many years of struggling with the expense of 2 on my own (Dave was always a great emotion support to them but any expense was solely down to me) I had hoped this situation would take the hassle out of who pays what. Instead he doesn't stick to the monthly agreement, when I nag (his words) he will usually catch up but this just leads me to cover the expenses and then a surplus build up in the accounts!

He he is not a bad man, he is a wonderful father to all three of my children but he is an arse! I know I'm not a saint but I am worn down by it all, it's hard to remember why you love someone when everything is a battle

we we have the added pressure of my ex rearing his ugly head at the moment that always results in trouble, I suppose I just have to weigh up whether I am happier with him than without thanks for your perspective.

jane x

[julian]

Re: Torn in Two

Just an observation, but money seems to be key. Perhaps that should be discussed in depth now things are on a financial even keel.

Personal and joint accounts are in use. Is this a lack of trust or a plan for debt/tax/etc avoidance?

You were left with 2 youngsters. Does he have any other children to alimony to pay? Eg what happens to left over monies?

Business investment is for the future. So it seems he is thinking of a joint future assuming that you can cover current expenses. You need to clarify and clear at least this hurdle.

[cookie2112]

Re: Torn in Two

Oh Jayne, so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, I would agree with a lot of the advice you have been given already, men and women do not think the same, women also hold on to little comments etc for years when generally they didn't mean it the way we have taken it.

You definitely need to talk to him before you get yourself really down about it and as others have said already he probably has no clue how you are feeling, nor do you kmow how he is really feeling.

I do honestly believe though that children are better off with 1 happy parent than 2 miserable ones...but it has to be right for you....it's your life too xxx

[PriorityOne]

Re: Torn in Two

Thanks again, I think one of my frustrations is that so the money thing was removed from our relationship I set up 2 joint accounts, 1 for mortgage bills etc and 1 for food. He totally agreed the concept so leaving each of us our surplus for us to spend as we see fit. The issue is he "forgets" to put the agreed amount in each month!

Due to many years of struggling with the expense of 2 on my own (Dave was always a great emotion support to them but any expense was solely down to me) I had hoped this situation would take the hassle out of who pays what. Instead he doesn't stick to the monthly agreement, when I nag (his words) he will usually catch up but this just leads me to cover the expenses and then a surplus build up in the accounts!

He he is not a bad man, he is a wonderful father to all three of my children but he is an arse! I know I'm not a saint but I am worn down by it all, it's hard to remember why you love someone when everything is a battle

we we have the added pressure of my ex rearing his ugly head at the moment that always results in trouble, I suppose I just have to weigh up whether I am happier with him than without thanks for your perspective.

jane x

Jane, have you thought about asking him to set up a standing order from his account to where it needs to go.... the joint bill accounts? That would get around the issue of him forgetting if he agrees or, would bring things out into the open if he doesn't agree. Either way, you'll get the answers you need.