youngest moved out today

[Pixie]

Re: youngest moved out today

That's good to hear S2M xx

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

At the beginning of September last year we were talking to our son by phone , all is well and we were going to meet up before Christmas but dad got very ill and our time was taken up by dad and mum and the church as hubby is sharing Pastors role with another Pastor and its all going very well we're enjoying it very much .Our church is growing by the week

Anyway on 6 Jan our son sent a skype request and he was with his girlfriend - we were all talking and we didnt mention the reason why we fell out we just looked to the future and left all that behind . We met up and had a coffee and some cake and it went really well , on parting we all hugged and my son hugged me in his bear hug and said ' i love you mum' well i was over the moon as you can imagine and i said ' i love you and always will ' since that meeting they have visited and we have played cards and his girlfriend has changed she is considerate kind and we get along well. We're all going out to Eden Camp this Sunday for the day so things are good right now , yeah my dad is very ill but he can improve and we are seeing him improve daily .

Not a great start to the new year with dad but it is getting better and i have my family back both my boys being brothers again and messing about , my husband sat in his chair last Saturday and he was as proud as a peacock and so was i xxx

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

I'm glad that things are okay with your Mum. How is your cousin? Life really is too short to stress about things and it often takes something serious to make us realise that. Have you written to your son as I suggested?

Sadly my cousin died in the arms of his wife 14th Jan , his funeral is today .
I haven't written to my son as i don't know the address where he lives, but we are going to write a birthday card out and drive to where he lives and post it through then take note of the address for the future .

[Pixie]

Re: youngest moved out today

Been out with my mum this morning everything is okay with us , she bought me some flowers lol . We did discuss the situation and i just said , i have no problem with my son visiting its good that he does and i said it is the controlling girlfriend that bugs me , anyway we're fine i re ally wish my son would get in touch , life is too short and it made me realize this today when i received news that my cousin has had a massive brain bleed and might not survive, makes me very sad and all this is very unimportant compared to what my cousin is going through and his wife and daughters .

I'm glad that things are okay with your Mum. How is your cousin? Life really is too short to stress about things and it often takes something serious to make us realise that. Have you written to your son as I suggested?

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

so am i nanna58 , i get all stressed up when anything like this happens, xx

[nanna58]

Re: youngest moved out today

So glad things are OK with you and mum and you're right family and health are far to important xxxxxx

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Been out with my mum this morning everything is okay with us , she bought me some flowers lol . We did discuss the situation and i just said , i have no problem with my son visiting its good that he does and i said it is the controlling girlfriend that bugs me , anyway we're fine i re ally wish my son would get in touch , life is too short and it made me realize this today when i received news that my cousin has had a massive brain bleed and might not survive, makes me very sad and all this is very unimportant compared to what my cousin is going through and his wife and daughters .

[nanna58]

Re: youngest moved out today

Wise words Pix hugs S2M xxxx

[Pixie]

Re: youngest moved out today

S2M, I agree with what NW says even though you might find it painful. You are in a horrible situation where things are taken the wrong way, bitterness is building up and everything is spiralling out of control. I too would feel very hurt.

I hope you take what I say in the spirit that it is meant; as someone who cares and is not being judgmental. I suggest that when you are feeling calm, you write a letter to your youngest son telling him how much you love him, how much the situation is hurting you and that you want him in your life. Don't go into details or apportion blame etc. If you don't get a reply or get a reply that isn't what you want then you know you've tried.

Please let go of your anger in whatever way you find helpful; prayer, meditation, exercise or kicking the cat (only joking about the last one ) If you keep hold of the anger you will only make yourself ill. If you let your anger get the better of you in your relationships with your son and your parents then the breakdown in your relationships might be irretrievable.



Sending you hugs x

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

S2M,
I am sorry you are hurting like this, but you are picking at a sore spot and making it fester.
Please,please, take a step back before you make yourself ill, You are hurt and you are angry, because of the anger and pain you feel you could of taken any thing said personally when it wasn't meant that way
probably you will be angry with me in a moment,but I say this as someone that cares, not to hurt you

Ok they visited your mum, she is probably trying to stay out of any argument and she is still his gran.
she didn't have to tell you they had been, would you have been angry at that? Yes you would, so she was in the wrong no matter what she did

You cannot expect your family to cut them off, just because that's what you want, life doesn't work that way.Your argument is with your son and girlfriend not your parents,or family,
My brother and his son haven't spoken for years, My nephew did something he is ashamed of and because of pride cannot now back down and admit it.
Brother has a granddaughter he has never met, my mum, his gran would give the earth to see him and meet her great granddaughter, but he won't visit or phone her because of his Dad
sadly now it is too late, mum would not know who her grandson and GGdaughter were.

If you don't want to talk to your son, so be it, but don't ask your Family to be in 'your gang' it will cause more pain and grief , each person lives life their way, it cannot be controlled
all I am trying to say is. Let it go. life can be short don't let anger take control

I wish you well xxxxx

yep i am angry i think my parents are traitors and i might cut the lot of them out , my mother has never shown me love she doesn't know how to be affectionate , i might as well be dead, my parents told me they would tell him if he turned up to see them , they were cowards .
It isn't me that doesn't want to talk to my son , its my son and his blob that cut me off .

[The Tech Clerk]

Re: youngest moved out today

Well my son and his devil girlfriend sure know how to twist the knife , they drove an hour to our town to visit my parents and others last night , my mother told me that they are looking for a flat together and brought my dad (his gra nddad ) a birthday card and present , when i asked if she mentioned anything about how he is treating me she told me 'its not my business' right so now i know where family loyalty is , my own mother doesn't care .
Well i couldn't stay there i walked out and now im too blame as usual , all i am is a cleaner and carer and expected to do so.
Feel like crap and nothing will convince me that this is right and if my grandchild had treated my son's this way i would have to say so not welcome them into my home as if nothing has happened, seems wrong and i feel so unimportant.

This situation has been going on in life since time began, most of us been through it at some time or other, time usually spans the situation to a resolution? either way! more I found you try to change things etc the worse it can get, sit back and let it pan out albeit might be a while>

[nightwatch]

Re: youngest moved out today

S2M,
I am sorry you are hurting like this, but you are picking at a sore spot and making it fester.
Please,please, take a step back before you make yourself ill, You are hurt and you are angry, because of the anger and pain you feel you could of taken any thing said personally when it wasn't meant that way
probably you will be angry with me in a moment,but I say this as someone that cares, not to hurt you

Ok they visited your mum, she is probably trying to stay out of any argument and she is still his gran.
she didn't have to tell you they had been, would you have been angry at that? Yes you would, so she was in the wrong no matter what she did

You cannot expect your family to cut them off, just because that's what you want, life doesn't work that way.Your argument is with your son and girlfriend not your parents,or family,
My brother and his son haven't spoken for years, My nephew did something he is ashamed of and because of pride cannot now back down and admit it.
Brother has a granddaughter he has never met, my mum, his gran would give the earth to see him and meet her great granddaughter, but he won't visit or phone her because of his Dad
sadly now it is too late, mum would not know who her grandson and GGdaughter were.

If you don't want to talk to your son, so be it, but don't ask your Family to be in 'your gang' it will cause more pain and grief , each person lives life their way, it cannot be controlled
all I am trying to say is. Let it go. life can be short don't let anger take control

I wish you well xxxxx

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Well my son and his devil girlfriend sure know how to twist the knife , they drove an hour to our town to visit my parents and others last night , my mother told me that they are looking for a flat together and brought my dad (his gra nddad ) a birthday card and present , when i asked if she mentioned anything about how he is treating me she told me 'its not my business' right so now i know where family loyalty is , my own mother doesn't care .
Well i couldn't stay there i walked out and now im too blame as usual , all i am is a cleaner and carer and expected to do so.
Feel like crap and nothing will convince me that this is right and if my grandchild had treated my son's this way i would have to say so not welcome them into my home as if nothing has happened, seems wrong and i feel so unimportant.

[Spent2much]

Re: youngest moved out today

Don't get involved. He is your son, but legally and morally the debt is not yours. You could pay, if you had the money, but it is not your responsibility.

The garage will have details that it could use to find your son. You could, maybe, get the address from the electoral roll,or by 'walking ' along the Google Maps street view.

My husband says he doesn't want to get involved so we're not going to help find him . We can't afford to pay but if we did have the money we would .
He is still our son and even though he has cut us off we still love him always will and when he comes back we will welcome him , he is influenced right now and we don't want to make it any worse than it is .

I think we need to tell the guy at the garage that we are advised not to get involved because of the situation already and it is our son we have to tread carefully . Family are important .

[julian]

Re: youngest moved out today

Don't get involved. He is your son, but legally and morally the debt is not yours. You could pay, if you had the money, but it is not your responsibility.

The garage will have details that it could use to find your son. You could, maybe, get the address from the electoral roll,or by 'walking ' along the Google Maps street view.