Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm not confortable with any poster on this site (except family members!) labelling or even implying that Dea Dea's ex partner is a "selfish, controlling, bully who may be thick and a conman" when he's not here to defend himself and none of us have even met him

If it's a crime to buy expensive meat which rots in the fridge uneaten then I'm guilty as charged too. Any man who's willing to go to the supermarket is rare in my book

WG came here to ask for financial advice on her daughter's debts because she was worried about her own potential involvement. Niddy said the way forward was for her daughter to get in touch with AAD if she needed help and support. Dea Dea did that and she seemed happy to jog along with her current arrangements in her life whether they are good or bad for her in other people's eyes.

Just for the record once a spouse/partner has left the family home they would normally have no further claim on the subsequent increased equity in the property. The law looks at assets acquired during the relationship not after. To be safe WG's daughter could get three estate agent valuations carried out on the house and then file them away until/if/when needed.

Point taken... he's not here to defend himself... you are correct. However, both WG and her daughter know the character they're dealing with and to gloss over what they perceive him to be like in case they're being unfair to him would be living in cuckoo-land (in my opinion).... I also don't see how it's relevant when he's not privy to this thread anyway.

The law says a lot of things PlanB.... but unfortuately, not all of its good and not all of what is good pans out in reality anyway. At this point, there seems little point in her daughter getting estate valuations if she has no intention of selling.... unless she files them away while paying half his mortage for years "in case" he comes back demanding the increased equity; whether legally entitled to it or not...... effectively leaving WG's daughter living with a sword of Damocles over her until their child reaches adulthood. Hmmm....

In any event, WG's daughter needs to decide what she wants to do (based on the options available to her) before she can move in any direction at all..

The assets in question were acquired during the relationship; that's the problem, regardless of any later arguments re. equity. The other problems I've outlined are for WG and her daughter to consider and are very real.

Sorry of you're not "comfortable" with any of this PlanB but it's life and it happens.

[WorriedGrandma]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Thank you PlanB and PriorityOne.

If I can just put this section of ProrityOne's post here, so i don't overlook it:

"The fact that no mortgage payments have been missed puts your daughter in an excellent position re. approaching the lender in her own right. I still think this is the first thing she (with you present) should do to find out whether this is a viable option or not. If/when you both go there, I'll give you a few pointers on what to say...."

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm not confortable with any poster on this site (except family members!) labelling or even implying that Dea Dea's ex partner is a "selfish, controlling, bully who may be thick and a conman" when he's not here to defend himself and none of us have even met him

If it's a crime to buy expensive meat which rots in the fridge uneaten then I'm guilty as charged too. Any man who's willing to go to the supermarket is rare in my book

WG came here to ask for financial advice on her daughter's debts because she was worried about her own potential involvement. Niddy said the way forward was for her daughter to get in touch with AAD if she needed help and support. Dea Dea did that and she seemed happy to jog along with her current arrangements in her life whether they are good or bad for her in other people's eyes.

Just for the record once a spouse/partner has left the family home they would normally have no further claim on the subsequent increased equity in the property. The law looks at assets acquired during the relationship not after. To be safe WG's daughter could get three estate agent valuations carried out on the house and then file them away until/if/when needed.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm thinking that he's not actually saying he wants it, just that it is his ..... if that makes any sense? (I confess, I've always struggled with comprehending the idea of people wanting joint accounts. I'm lucky not to have needed to.)

Ahhhhhhh! Yes. I see. I am trying to get my daughter to deal with these aspects.
I don't think there is anything left in the house that he wants. In fact she's only recently managed to get to get his sh*t out. I hadn't given any thought to him wanting to move his girlfriend in. Doubtful?

It does tend to take a while for this type of character to remove belongings; they like to have a reason to pop back. You could argue that having a child together is reason enough for him to pop back but it doesn't seem to work like that.

If he hasn't actually said that he wants the equity, then it could come as a nice surprise if your daughter decides to pay him off.... and hopefully, he'll be too thick to realise why.

A couple of things I hadn't mentioned:
1) His parents have always given the impression that they are on my daughter's side.
2) If I haven't mentioned it ........ no mortgage payments have ever been missed.

They may well be on your daughter's side but blood is thicker than water, so don't rely on this.

The fact that no mortgage payments have been missed puts your daughter in an excellent position re. approaching the lender in her own right. I still think this is the first thing she (with you present) should do to find out whether this is a viable option or not. If/when you both go there, I'll give you a few pointers on what to say....

Exactly!!! My house sale is going through.
I'm thinking that, when I posted on CAG in December, the house business was dismissed, to look at the debts first .......... which is where I started this thread ........

Yes. I was making the point that my daughter was brought up with the idea that women could be completely independent. I was always the sole owner of the home. We might have been naive about what he could do. I think my daughter now sees it as her home and her mortgage. I don't think she'd dream of asking him to pay. I guess we've adopted a "clean break" mentality?

I guess you're right.

The house is top priority (in my opinion).... the debts are taking care of themselves at the moment in a DMP....

Let your house sale go through by all means but don't put your money into this mortgage.... please get your daughter to make that appointment with her lender. If you have a substantial amount to put down as deposit for her and she is able to continue covering the mortgage as she is now, you might be surprised at what they come up with. The may even be able to suggest a part-own, part-rent scheme; where they rent half of the house to her but she owns the rest on a mortgage. It would still all be in her own name though. The objective here is to get rid of the ex.... but she mustn't tell the ex what her plans are.

At the moment it is her home and her mortgage.... but not on paper... and that's the problem. He will retain a legal interest in that property even if the entire mortgage is paid off.... so she is kidding herself.

[WorriedGrandma]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I do understand what you're saying but you've also said that he's mentioned wanting "his" equity.... or have I misunderstood that?

I'm thinking that he's not actually saying he wants it, just that it is his ..... if that makes any sense? (I confess, I've always struggled with comprehending the idea of people wanting joint accounts. I'm lucky not to have needed to.)

The problem with your daughter continuing payments on a joint mortgage is just that; it is joint. That means that she would be effectively investing in the ex's future for the entire time he's on those deeds and also, if he wanted to get particularly sh&tty at some point, he could enter the property when your daughter is out for example, remove things or move the new girlfriend in.... and, because he's on the deeds, the police will do nothing.

Ahhhhhhh! Yes. I see. I am trying to get my daughter to deal with these aspects.
I don't think there is anything left in the house that he wants. In fact she's only recently managed to get to get his sh*t out. I hadn't given any thought to him wanting to move his girlfriend in. Doubtful?

A couple of things I hadn't mentioned:
1) His parents have always given the impression that they are on my daughter's side.
2) If I haven't mentioned it ........ no mortgage payments have ever been missed.

Also, if you pay a substantial sum towards reducing that mortgage while he's still on those deeds.... then kerching!! He'll be in the money in terms of equity if/when she decides to sell it. She could of course argue that you've put a substantial sum in if/when that time comes.... but it could lend up in a court battle to get that recognised.

Exactly!!! My house sale is going through.
I'm thinking that, when I posted on CAG in December, the house business was dismissed, to look at the debts first .......... which is where I started this thread ........

There really is a bigger picture to consider here. Does you daughter really want to put herself in that postion? Or, in the position where she has to go to him cap in hand (so to speak) and ask him for his half of the mortgage every month? How long do you think he would carry on paying with a new girlfriend in tow.... you've already said he's paid nothing since June 2011 anyway.... and what if the new girlfriend gets pregnant?

There really is no easy route through this.... but the easy options will cause the biggest headache in the long term simply because the will be in control of it all for years and years.

I have raised my own daughter as a lone parent; mother and breadwinner, like yourself. The difference between my own situation (now) and your daughter's is that I am sole owner of my home. That means that if anyone moved in, I would also take money towards bills, etc... but when you share deeds with someone, they have automatic rights over the property you jointly own... and that's the difference.

Yes. I was making the point that my daughter was brought up with the idea that women could be completely independent. I was always the sole owner of the home. We might have been naive about what he could do. I think my daughter now sees it as her home and her mortgage. I don't think she'd dream of asking him to pay. I guess we've adopted a "clean break" mentality?

You say you don't think he'd take money aimed at providing security for his daughter? You've described him as a selfish, controlling bully.... so please think again. My ex did just that. My sister's ex did as well. Several of my friends' exes have done similar. If he's that concerned with providing security for his daughter, then why has he not made any mortgage payments since June 2011? Why did he rack up so much debt and then con your daughter into joint consolidated loans? Why has he sat back and watched you pay for things? Why has he not encouraged her to take a driving test?

This is not a nice man and while you've summed him up well as a selfish, controlling bully.... you are not hearing your own words I do apologise for sounding harsh.... it's really not intended at all but both of you really do need to consider the bigger picture here.... because there is one.... and it's huge.

I guess you're right.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Thank you PlanB and PriorityOne.

I have taken on board your thoughts, comments, advice, etc.
With regard to this part:

....... my daughter didn't want to sell the house. She wants it to be her home. When he moved out and she was rid of him, she wanted to pay her own way. She asked him for half of the mortgage money just to cover the month he was still there.

I'm afraid I worded it wrongly about the £5k equity he believes he has in the house. I don't think he's actually said he wants it paid to him yet/soon. I think it's more a matter that, in 2011, the value of the house less mortgage outstanding was around £10k, hence £5k is his.

I was a lone parent when my daughter was born. I had a partner living with me when my daughter was between the ages of 4 and 9. During that time he lived in my home, our finances were separate and he just paid me an agreed amount towards his keep each week. She was brought up with the concept of me being mother and bread-winner.

I don't know that he would take any money aimed at providing security for his daughter? The problem with him is that, in their relationship, he was greedy, selfish, ignorant and controlling. He is a spoilt brat and has hissy fits. My daughter seems to have more money now he's gone. He used to spend about £300 a month (out of their joint account) on petrol. My daughter has never got around to taking her driving test and transport is, since July2011, provided by me. He, also, used to spend a lot on supermarket shopping; stuff for Atkins diets, loads of cleaning products and expensive meats that would rot in the fridge, unused.

's current girlfriend is someone he was at school with. I don't want to get into CSA discussions, but she has a child aged 6 ish.

I do understand what you're saying but you've also said that he's mentioned wanting "his" equity.... or have I misunderstood that?

The problem with your daughter continuing payments on a joint mortgage is just that; it is joint. That means that she would be effectively investing in the ex's future for the entire time he's on those deeds and also, if he wanted to get particularly sh&tty at some point, he could enter the property when your daughter is out for example, remove things or move the new girlfriend in.... and, because he's on the deeds, the police will do nothing.

Also, if you pay a substantial sum towards reducing that mortgage while he's still on those deeds.... then kerching!! He'll be in the money in terms of equity if/when she decides to sell it. She could of course argue that you've put a substantial sum in if/when that time comes.... but it could lend up in a court battle to get that recognised.

There really is a bigger picture to consider here. Does you daughter really want to put herself in that postion? Or, in the position where she has to go to him cap in hand (so to speak) and ask him for his half of the mortgage every month? How long do you think he would carry on paying with a new girlfriend in tow.... you've already said he's paid nothing since June 2011 anyway.... and what if the new girlfriend gets pregnant?

There really is no easy route through this.... but the easy options will cause the biggest headache in the long term simply because the will be in control of it all for years and years.

I have raised my own daughter as a lone parent; mother and breadwinner, like yourself. The difference between my own situation (now) and your daughter's is that I am sole owner of my home. That means that if anyone moved in, I would also take money towards bills, etc... but when you share deeds with someone, they have automatic rights over the property you jointly own... and that's the difference.

You say you don't think he'd take money aimed at providing security for his daughter? You've described him as a selfish, controlling bully.... so please think again. My ex did just that. My sister's ex did as well. Several of my friends' exes have done similar. If he's that concerned with providing security for his daughter, then why has he not made any mortgage payments since June 2011? Why did he rack up so much debt and then con your daughter into joint consolidated loans? Why has he sat back and watched you pay for things? Why has he not encouraged her to take a driving test?

This is not a nice man and while you've summed him up well as a selfish, controlling bully.... you are not hearing your own words I do apologise for sounding harsh.... it's really not intended at all but both of you really do need to consider the bigger picture here.... because there is one.... and it's huge.

[WorriedGrandma]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Thank you PlanB and PriorityOne.

I have taken on board your thoughts, comments, advice, etc.
With regard to this part:

From the look of things, the games have already begun. You say he's not paid anything since June 2011 (as far as you're aware).... so it sounds like he's hoping that your daughter will cave in under the pressure and sell it anyway... and then he'll get his money. Once a new girlfriend comes on the scene things tend to get dirty; not necessarily because she's pulling his strings... just because it tends to puff the male ego up a few notches and he's out to impress.... why else would the girlfriend agree to move such a into her home? He must have bigged himself up somehow....

....... my daughter didn't want to sell the house. She wants it to be her home. When he moved out and she was rid of him, she wanted to pay her own way. She asked him for half of the mortgage money just to cover the month he was still there.

I'm afraid I worded it wrongly about the £5k equity he believes he has in the house. I don't think he's actually said he wants it paid to him yet/soon. I think it's more a matter that, in 2011, the value of the house less mortgage outstanding was around £10k, hence £5k is his.

I was a lone parent when my daughter was born. I had a partner living with me when my daughter was between the ages of 4 and 9. During that time he lived in my home, our finances were separate and he just paid me an agreed amount towards his keep each week. She was brought up with the concept of me being mother and bread-winner.

I don't know that he would take any money aimed at providing security for his daughter? The problem with him is that, in their relationship, he was greedy, selfish, ignorant and controlling. He is a spoilt brat and has hissy fits. My daughter seems to have more money now he's gone. He used to spend about £300 a month (out of their joint account) on petrol. My daughter has never got around to taking her driving test and transport is, since July2011, provided by me. He, also, used to spend a lot on supermarket shopping; stuff for Atkins diets, loads of cleaning products and expensive meats that would rot in the fridge, unused.

's current girlfriend is someone he was at school with. I don't want to get into CSA discussions, but she has a child aged 6 ish.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I got to keep the child and the springer spaniel too. Neither would have anything to do with him in the end. And have you also noticed that there are no men contributing to this debate? Probably too scared to open their mouths

Yes... I did notice the lack of men posting on here....

Be afraid, be very afraid... ... lol!!

Only joking guys.... I know there are some good men out there.... we're not having a pop at ALL of you..... just the

Besides, there are plenty of nasty women out there too.

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I got to keep the child and the springer spaniel too. Neither would have anything to do with him in the end. And have you also noticed that there are no men contributing to this debate? Probably too scared to open their mouths

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I believe they were only thinking of having a free half-hour with a solicitor to establish the daughter's legal rights including ongoing liability issues with some joint debts. WG wanted to make sure she knows how to protect her money if/when she helps her daughter with these debts and makes a lump sum payment to clear most of the mortgage from the imminent sale of her own home.

Another AAD member Transformer999 has a thread in the Legal Protected section which has loads of info on divorce and cohabiting which suggests that the exiting partner's rights (claim on the house) aren't always as great as they think

When I divorced I paid off my ex and kept the house with my daughter. That's the best 'several grand' I've ever spent. A deal was done where he signed a legal document to relinquish his claim on the house in exchange for dosh. Sorted.

Oh ok... I see. No harm in that at all....

Funny how these think they have claims on all sorts.... my ex was exactly the same.... My sister struck a deal similar to yours with her ex and got the house signed over but had to relinquished any claim for maintenance for their boys as part of the deal.

Karma being what it is.... her ex "lost" all of his boys eventually because they grew up to see him as the he was. My own daughter has recently shut the door on her father for letting her down for years as well.

What goes around comes around (eventually)... and if you're lucky, you get to watch it happen....

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I recall reading, that under a DMP, my daughter would need to pay her debts before reducing a mortgage.

Just come out of the DMP then and (with our help) your daughter can then manage it all herself. Don't do this yet though.... there's no point in coming out of a DMP if the lender won't agree a transfer of the deeds....

If the lender agrees a way forward for your daughter.... the agrees.... and the transfer takes place, THEN is the time to deal with the DMP. One step at a time....

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I believe they were only thinking of having a free half-hour with a solicitor to establish the daughter's legal rights including ongoing liability issues with some joint debts. WG wanted to make sure she knows how to protect her money if/when she helps her daughter with these debts and makes a lump sum payment to clear most of the mortgage from the imminent sale of her own home.

Another AAD member Transformer999 has a thread in the Legal Protected section which has loads of info on divorce and cohabiting which suggests that the exiting partner's rights (claim on the house) aren't always as great as they think

When I divorced I paid off my ex and kept the house with my daughter. That's the best 'several grand' I've ever spent. A deal was done where he signed a legal document to relinquish his claim on the house in exchange for dosh. Sorted.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Hi PriorityOne ....... Thank you.

The last time he paid anything toward the mortgage was (I think) June 2011. My daughter has paid the full £636 p/m since (I think) July 2011. (In fact, I think, the whole amount was coming from her account since June 2010; at the time [when they went on a DMP, with the joint account at Lloyds maxed] he couldn't get a bank account, so his wages were paid into hers.) When they split up in June 2011 he was with a girlfriend, then at his Mum's, then he rented a flat from September 2011 until earlier this month ...... and now he is living with his new girlfriend.

I understood, from someone on CAG, when I posted there, that her credit rating would be trashed and she would have no hope of getting a mortgage to buy somewhere else. And from Niddy (my bold):

And it does cost a fortune to move, what with estate agents' fees, Stamp Duty and solicitors' fees. She wouldn't find a cheaper house in that area.

My house was on the market when my daughter was still with her ex. He has been aware of my fears over the debts and possible?/probable?/likely? rise in interest rates. Naively, I have spoken with my granddaughter about having a buyer for my house. She chats to me about my getting a motorhome. I don't know what she tells him. As far as I know, his only comment was that he believed my daughter owed him £5k equity in the house.) I don't know whether his girlfriend is a golddigger?

I hope this makes some sort of sense the way I've split the quotes and omitted a little bit.

From the look of things, the games have already begun. You say he's not paid anything since June 2011 (as far as you're aware).... so it sounds like he's hoping that your daughter will cave in under the pressure and sell it anyway... and then he'll get his money. Once a new girlfriend comes on the scene things tend to get dirty; not necessarily because she's pulling his strings... just because it tends to puff the male ego up a few notches and he's out to impress.... why else would the girlfriend agree to move such a into her home? He must have bigged himself up somehow....

Yes, her credit rating would more than likely be trashed but if she was to approach her current lender and present them with her circumstances, they may be able to work with her.... especially if you were to provide a hefty deposit and/or would be prepared to act as guarantor for a new mortgage. This you would need to discuss with each other.

Referring back to my own situation for a moment, I should not have got the mortgage I had (on paper) after my house was repossessed but succeeded in getting a 75% mortgage, with the remainder coming from my mum and step-dad..... so don't rule it out. Things are possible, although I do appreciate times are tougher in terms of lending now.

You/she really must be wary about the information you tell from now on though. This man is not her friend and should not be privy to her business or to yours. If he thinks he's entitled to £5K equity and is willing to sign over the deeds in exchange for that, then great but the lender would need to agree to this..... it's not just a case of getting a solicitor to approach him with it to see if he'll agree.... so the same credit rating obstacles could still present themselves whether he agrees to it or not. In the lender's eyes, they are more likely to recover their money with two people on the mortgage than with only one and may be reluctant to transfer the mortgage over to your daughter as sole owner on this basis, especially if there are arrears. An appointment with the lender would therefore be a good idea at this point, so you know where you stand without incurring costly solicitor's fees for nothing.

If your daughter's ex is now co-habiting with a new girlfriend (new info!) then her income may impact on what he may be made to pay in child support for their daughter. The CSA is only a temporary bottom line thing until she makes a formal legal claim for maintenance for her daughter. It may also impact on any claim he has for equity in the house since " his housing needs are being met " It's not necessarily a 50/50 split of capital/equity when children are involved. The law favours the child's interests above everything else, and there's a reluctance to uproot kiddies from their home (not just any old house/asset). Your initial plan to see a family lawyer remains a good idea because until your daughter has legal clarity on her position everything else can only be speculation.

While I do agree with seeing a solicitor, it's not something I would (personally) rush into at this point, as much of the groundwork can be done without one re. finding a way forward with the house. This lady needs to know what her lender would need (criteria) before agreeing to sign the house over. Once this is established, she can then draw up a plan to get the ex to agree to it. If the lender is not prepared to sign the house over, then it strikes this plan out altogether.

I have seen two of my friends rack up huge sols. fees for what turned out to be pish in terms of what they did for them both.... that's why. I never engaged a solicitor in my own situation at all. I went to see one... but was not impressed by the advice given and made my own arrangements. As it turned out, no solicitor could have achieved what I did for myself anyway.... but that's another story.

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

If your daughter's ex is now co-habiting with a new girlfriend (new info!) then her income may impact on what he may be made to pay in child support for their daughter. The CSA is only a temporary bottom line thing until she makes a formal legal claim for maintenance for her daughter. It may also impact on any claim he has for equity in the house since " his housing needs are being met " It's not necessarily a 50/50 split of capital/equity when children are involved. The law favours the child's interests above everything else, and there's a reluctance to uproot kiddies from their home (it's not just any old house/asset). Your initial plan to see a family lawyer remains a good idea because until your daughter has legal clarity on her position everything else can only be speculation.

[WorriedGrandma]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Hi PriorityOne ....... Thank you.

The downside of living under a cloud of short-term security is that you would still be tied to him (so to speak) for as long as you live in that house and, if he decides that he isn't going to pay his half of the mortgage at some point in the future.... when he meets someone else for example, then it would cause a horrendous amount of stress for you later on down the line, not to mention the hassle of claiming Benefits and establishing what he would/should contribute, etc, should you ever be in that position.

The last time he paid anything toward the mortgage was (I think) June 2011. My daughter has paid the full £636 p/m since (I think) July 2011. (In fact, I think, the whole amount was coming from her account since June 2010; at the time [when they went on a DMP, with the joint account at Lloyds maxed] he couldn't get a bank account, so his wages were paid into hers.) When they split up in June 2011 he was with a girlfriend, then at his Mum's, then he rented a flat from September 2011 until earlier this month ...... and now he is living with his new girlfriend.

So.... my advice to you would be to sell the house you're currently in, split the equity whichever way you decide to and start again with a new property in your sole name (as Niddy suggests below). That way, he will have no claim on you for anything, you will have control of your own life; which is priceless..... and he'll be left to sort out his own debts (or not... who cares anyway?).

I understood, from someone on CAG, when I posted there, that her credit rating would be trashed and she would have no hope of getting a mortgage to buy somewhere else. And from Niddy (my bold):

The best solution would be maybe for your daughter to sell up or at least buy out the exes interest (via solicitor of course) so the house is 100% hers (as she'll struggle to get a re mortgage no doubt as a result of the debt so it's a hard catch 22) but if she can afford to keep the same mortgage and they are happy to take him off it (with solicitor instruction etc) then I don't see why you can't then *gift* her a lump sum of say £100k to reduce the mortgage to an affordable level - but that may mean you having to pay some funds from the equity in the house to the ex.

And it does cost a fortune to move, what with estate agents' fees, Stamp Duty and solicitors' fees. She wouldn't find a cheaper house in that area.

I do understand that it might make you physically sick to pay him any equity in light of the fact that you've been landed with most of these debts and that you made the bulk of the mortgage payments but in my opinion, you will have greater peace of mind dealing with these debts from a new home that he can no longer influence.

I was in a similar situation to you many years ago and sometimes, you just have to cut your losses, accept you've been an idiot/made a huge mistake (me; not you... ), stand up straight, break free and start again.

You have a child together, so will never be free from him completely but it's important that your child sees you grow up as a strong woman and not see his/her mum manipulated and bullied for years to come by a man who still has a financial interest in the home. In my own case, I paid the bulk of my mortgage with the ex as well.... so do understand your frustration.... but, you are in an enviable position in that you have someone to help you start again. Just make sure you don't tell him that! He doesn't need to know your business.

My house was on the market when my daughter was still with her ex. He has been aware of my fears over the debts and possible?/probable?/likely? rise in interest rates. Naively, I have spoken with my granddaughter about having a buyer for my house. She chats to me about my getting a motorhome. I don't know what she tells him. As far as I know, his only comment was that he believed my daughter owed him £5k equity in the house.) I don't know whether his girlfriend is a golddigger?

Yes.... it still does seem the best option....

Hmmm.... sounds a bit like my ex.

Just to add.... I lost thousands during and at the end of our relationship (not married either) BUT karma is a wonderful thing. Nowadays, he owes in excess of £100K.... while I now owe nothing. So you see, there is light at the end of the tunnel providing you take the controls back.

I hope this makes some sort of sense the way I've split the quotes and omitted a little bit.