What a waste of 100k

[DaveyBoy]

Hello, after been looked after on this site a few years ago after I got myself into a pickle financially I managed to go down the UE route with about 20k of debt which is now statute barred and I never hear anything on these. However I now find myself in a real pickle so much as I was going to post on this site as a new user as I'm so embarrassed how its got to this.

I'm a gambling addict......there I've said it and have somehow managed to rack up 100k of debt. All this debt is post 2007 so ue isn't an option and I do want to pay it off but the monthly payments have now got to a point where I'm close to breaking point. In short I owe 30k to family who have bailed me out a couple of years back, 38k on loans and 32k on credit cards. I earn 40k and can comfortably afford around 700 a month repayments if not a bit more but that's not enough to maintain all my payments. I have a joint mortgage with long suffering partner of 120k on a house valued at 300k but don't want to sell as house is our forever home we also have 2 kids together. I'm guessing DMP or bankruptcy are my only options but the latter is no good due to house and equity in it. I'm thinking dmp, but ceasing all payments first in an attempt to get the default notice on credit file as opposed to AP markers. Then it's either self managed or dmp through step change.

thanks for reading and any advice as always gratefully received.

Ps
I'm also in the process of sorting out some counseling for my addiction, I just want to sleep at night, I'm living like a zombie

[Joanna Connolly Solicitors]

No need to feel embarrassed. None of us is perfect!

You say that these debts (credit cards and loans etc not the family stuff) are post 2007 but that doesn't necessarily mean they're not unenforceable.

Have any of them been assigned (sold) to debt purchasers? Are any of them Pay Day Loans?

I'm going to ask Warwick65 to take a look at your thread.

Di

[DaveyBoy]

Hiya
Thanks for your reply, it's a relief to finally admit to my predicament. I've been swimming against the tide for a while now.
All are up to date at the moment, 3 loans with high street banks, 5 credit cards again all mainstream lenders (3 or which are on zero percent balance transfer).
No missed payments......yet
Cheers

[cymruambyth]

Hi, sorry to hear that you have got yourself into this situation, we have all done things that we regret. Hopefully with counselling and support you will regain control of everything.

[DaveyBoy]

Ok so managed to get a new current account open today with Nationwide so I can get salary etc into there and get direct debits moved. Question is now should I cease all payments and wait for the phone calls and letters and threats or do I write to all creditors explaining my plight and I won't be able to make any payments until I sort out myself and put a suitable payment plan into place to treat all creditors fairly. More than happy for them to trash the credit file, stops me getting any more credit but also don't want it trashed for any longer than it needs to be so need a strategy for getting a default rather than the AP markers.
Cheers

[cymruambyth]

You state that you are sorting counselling; is this through a charity? I only ask because they may have a process where they help you deal with creditors; an official lookin letter may have more impact.

[DaveyBoy]

Hiya, the counseling is through a gamcare practitioner. The sessions will be free but I'm told the number of free sessions is limited. The first meeting is next week.
Thanks

[Warwick65]

Hi Daveyboy

Sorry I didn't pop in earlier but my email alerts are not working for some reason.

I am glad you are getting some help, as you say the number of sessions may be limited but there is other help out there. Have you spoken to your GP and told them, maybe ask for a referral to a psychotherapist who is a CBT practitioner. I am told it works really well for many people although it is no quick fix.

The problem with gambling is that it sneeks up on you- you think you have it under control and them bam there you go and lose £500 and the cycle starts again.

I am not sure what your 'poison' is but have you taken steps to limit your exposure , if you visit shops (betting, arcades, casinos - you can ask to be excluded for up to a year - they will be very used to this and they will have lots of people who have done the same). If it is online, again you can block your IP and other details, I think you can get the bank to block gambling transactions.

There are of course online support forums and GA as well- I didn't like GA as to me it felt like it had links with religion and I am a firm believer religion is just another drug (as Marx said - the opium of the people) but that doesn't mean it won'y work for you.

If you do have faith then maybe the church can help you deal with your addiction.

There are lots of avenues and you have made the first step in writing about it. If I can help just shout but as I said I am not getting email alerts so I will try and pop in. You can always PM me so i will see you have posted more easily.

By the way , as you may have guessed- been there done it and got the T shirt and yes probably a similar sum

[DaveyBoy]

Thanks Warwick65, I've sent you a message. Something that I'm wondering is has anybody got experience in how creditors will take the news I'm not paying them the contractual payments. I guess they would be more sympathetic towards illness, and job loss etc but gambling as its is all my own doing and basically it's there money I've gambled with will annoy them. On the template letters I need to send them offering a pro rata payment there's a blank to fill in to explain why. I'm wondering what to put, I'd happily put something like 'I'm a gambling addict and although I'm totally embarrassed by all this I want to stand up and deal with it and do not want to bury my head in the sand' any thoughts?

Cheers all

[Warwick65]

I am not able to fully reply right now because I am on my phone at an airport BUT do not let anyone tell you gambling is your fault. That is neo liberal rubbish where they try to blame everyone for anything. Is it my fault if I get a disease NO . People spent years being told smoking was cool and sexy when they knew it killed you. I will try and reply either when I get to Warsaw or sometime tomorrow:

[The Tech Clerk]

As Warwick never tell people that information.

[DaveyBoy]

Thanks for your wise words. I do see it as my fault to be fair, I could've put blockers in place but chose not to, I could've sought help sooner but didn't. I'm past beating myself up about now

Cheers

[Warwick65]

I have replied to your PM.

I do think you must stop laying the blame totally at your door- these companies are very good at sucking you in. many people so compulsive things to ease stresses of life , I know people who buy handbags and shoes or others who drink or smoke. I don’t gamble anymore but when things got hard recently I bought and sold three apple watches via eBay.

I do suggest seeing your GP if you haven’t done already as my pop psychoanalysis is maybe there are things you do not cope with very well and gambling is your get out.

As a wise woman said to me, that cigarette a mother grabs may actually be more linked to the 5 mins of peace she gets on the doorstep than the actual ciggie but she’s still hooked.

must go its late here

[DaveyBoy]

Hiya, GP is next step, I'll see how my initial counseling goes and go from there.
Thanks again for your interest and input

[Warwick65]

Hi Davey. Just thought I would add it is never advised to turn unsecured debts into secured so I would not think of releasing equity at this point. You do need to tell your wife because at some point she will find out. Personally I know I am on pain of being single......Now there’s a thought