Stay or go

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

Had another sleepless night so read spent too much's diary as you suggested plan b. Can totally associate with the to'ing and fro'ing and know just how hard it is to make that final decision.

I realise every situation is different but we need advice on the first steps please. Got a feeling that when hubbie actually speaks to someone and realises he will have to do some of it himself ie OR interview, he will just crumble. His solution at the moment is to have his Mum move in but she has massive mental health issues and really not sure i could or would want to look after her 24/7. Heartless bitch aren't i?? My head's mashed this morning

[MrsD]

Re: Stay or go

personally Samsmum, adding to your immediate problems isn't the way I'd go.

if hubby's Mum isn't well, I don't think moving her in with you is a good idea, and in a fiscal sense, is it really going to help?

you can only cope with so much, you owe it to yours to make sure that you can cope, get everyone through this and come out the other side.

[Radioactive Ja]

Re: Stay or go

His solution at the moment is to have his Mum move in but she has massive mental health issues and really not sure i could or would want to look after her 24/7. Heartless bitch aren't i?? My head's mashed this morning

No one will think you are a "heartless bitch", having a mother-in-law with massive mental health issues move in with you will just give you even more sleepless nights and everything seems worse when you cant sleep. Wishing you well

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

It would never happen. They've tried to get me to do for ages but there is no way it would work......unless she moves in and i have her little one bed flat

[fluffystuff]

Re: Stay or go

It would never happen. They've tried to get me to do for ages but there is no way it would work......unless she moves in and i have her little one bed flat

Good! That's one decision made then, now for the rest, as and when.

[The Tech Clerk]

Re: Stay or go

Your health and marriage are definitely the most important things

It's really good news that NRAM has given you another three months on affordable interest only repayments See how you feel about everything in three months' time because NRAM will probably extend that period by another three months and then another and another because they have to be seen to be reasonable I lived in a house with a suspended possession order for 12 years so please don't fear the worst case scenario because it may never happen.

In the meantime do your homework on all your options as Mrs D says. I would put my marriage first if I had one - but nobody asked Plan B to marry them after the last time

Awwwwwww! that is my mate talking

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

Just had a letter confirming interest only on our mortgage but says for 6 months not 3. Gives us a bit of breathing space. Got an appointment wit C.A.B on Wednesday as someone advised hubby to go. Not got much faith in them myself but i guess a face to face chat will help him

[PlanB]

Re: Stay or go

Just had a letter confirming interest only on our mortgage but says for 6 months not 3. Gives us a bit of breathing space. Got an appointment wit C.A.B on Wednesday as someone advised hubby to go. Not got much faith in them myself but i guess a face to face chat will help him

That's a nice letter to get at Easter which means you've now got until nearly the end of the year to make up your mind on what to do next

I hate most of the advice given by the CAB because they're far too conservative, prescriptive and generally all too goody-goody in their approach. They never entertain the idea of unenforceable debts, and they usually tell people to pay up

But at least your hubby may feel more involved in what's going on if he sees them. One definition of stress and depression is it's about not feeling in control of a situation so having an appointment in the diary could be a good thing even if you ignore everything the CAB says when you get back home.

The thing about moving house is you take your 'headspace' with you so it doesn't always solve all life's problems in one hit and sometimes creates new ones.

I'm glad you've got more time to deal with this

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

Thanks for taking the time to reply as always

You're so right about the headspace thing. This house has never felt like a home and i think we knew we'd made a mistake as soon as we moved in. Because of finances i've just never felt secure. It's not the unsecured debts (we don't pay them) but with the secured loan and mortgage we're paying £750 pm for a 90 grand house. We can rent as good or better for £450 and it just seems very tempting at times. Sorry,know i'm repeating myself but hoping if i say it enough the answer will jump out at me. Got time now tho so no need for rash decisions that we could end up regretting for a long time

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

Morning. We've had our visit to the CAB. Loved queuing in the street! Was pretty much as i expected. Came out no wiser than we went in. Was more of an informal chat.Recommended bankruptcy and renting but didn't advise on how to do it. Said he was more like a GP with a little knowledge on lots of things but we'd need to go on a waitng list to speak to a debt advisor. Think it did hubbie good in a way tho to speak to someone face to face. I'm still happier on here. We've got 6 months now to get things sorted. I'm confused over the order we do things and welcome any advice please ie do we sit tight and pay the mortgage while its interest only or stop paying and save up for a deposit on a rental property and br fees?

[fluffystuff]

Re: Stay or go

Hi Samsmum, whilst I can't advise on your mortgage, just popped by to say that you can now tick another box. C A B done, outcome pretty much as expected, next.....

[Pixie]

Re: Stay or go

Only just catching up with this as I've been so busy with work.

Glad NR have given you a 6 month breathing space.

CAB - I wouldn't waste my time with them! I went to see them about debts years ago and all they could suggest was filling in an income and expenditure form and seeing where I could make cuts - as if I hadn't already done that. She didn't have any advice to give regarding the credit card debts.

The decision has to be yours and your husband's but £750PCM does seem a lot to be paying out for a £90K house. At least you've got the support of your friends on here

[samsmum]

Re: Stay or go

Thank you both. Means more than you know, especially as no-one else knows any of our financial problems. Sure we will be judged harshly when it all comes out and that's why we've struggled on as long as we have. Not looking forward to the fall out.
Just going to work now but thanks again

[diddlydee]

Re: Stay or go

Do you know something, I think you'll find your friends and family more understanding and caring than you realise. Don't worry about that anyway, you have to do what is right for you.

Those that care will understand x

[Pixie]

Re: Stay or go

Do you know something, I think you'll find your friends and family more understanding and caring than you realise. Don't worry about that anyway, you have to do what is right for you.

Those that care will understand x

I agree Diddles.

No-one has any right to judge...there but for the grace of God...