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Happy Birthday jon1965

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  • #16
    Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

    Not.....The Norwegian Blueminator?

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    • #17
      Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

      Originally posted by Undercover Elsa View Post
      Not.....The Norwegian Blueminator?
      I couldn't possibly say
      I'm the forum administrator and I look after the theme & features, our volunteers & users and also look after any complaints or Data Protection queries that pass through the forum or main website. I am extremely busy so if you do contact me or need a reply to a forum post then use the email or PM features offered because I do miss things and get tied up for days at a time!

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      • #18
        Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

        I know i did unhide my DOB during the day ...well a boy does need his ego stroking every now and then

        Anyone who has me on FB could have seen it as well....

        So is that a proactive or reactive parrot catcher?

        And with the best will in the world no one could describe her as a girl
        Last edited by jon1965; 6 March 2013, 13:33.

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        • #19
          Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

          Originally posted by jon1965 View Post
          I know i did unhide my DOB during the day ...well a boy does need his ego stroking every now and then

          Anyone who has me on FB could have seen it as well....

          So is that a proactive or reactive parrot catcher?

          And with the best will in the world no one could describe her as a girl

          I'm the forum administrator and I look after the theme & features, our volunteers & users and also look after any complaints or Data Protection queries that pass through the forum or main website. I am extremely busy so if you do contact me or need a reply to a forum post then use the email or PM features offered because I do miss things and get tied up for days at a time!

          If you spot any spammers, AE's, abusive or libellous posts or anything else that just doesn't feel right then please report them to me as soon as you spot them at: webmaster@all-about-debt.co.uk

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

            The Pet Shoppe
            A customer enters a pet shop.

            Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

            (The owner does not respond.)

            C: 'Ello, Miss?

            Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

            C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

            O: We're closin' for lunch.

            C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

            O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

            C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

            O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

            C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

            O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

            C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

            O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

            C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

            (shouting at the cage)

            'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

            O: There, he moved!

            C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

            O: I never!!

            C: Yes, you did!

            O: I never, never did anything...

            C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

            Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

            (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

            C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

            O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

            C: STUNNED?!?

            O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

            C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

            O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

            C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

            O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

            C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

            (pause)

            O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

            C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

            O: No no! 'E's pining!

            C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

            'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
            'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
            'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

            THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

            (pause)

            O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

            (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

            O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

            C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

            O: I got a slug.

            (pause)

            C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

            O: Nnnnot really.

            C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

            O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.

            C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

            The customer leaves.

            The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

            C: This is Bolton, is it?

            O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

            C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

            The customer goes to the train station.

            He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".

            C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

            Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

            C: I beg your pardon...?

            A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

            C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

            A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.

            C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

            A: No, this is Bolton.

            C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

            A: Can't blame British Rail for that.

            C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

            He does.

            C: I understand this IS Bolton.

            O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

            C: You told me it was Ipswitch!

            O: ...It was a pun.

            C: (pause) A PUN?!?

            O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

            C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

            O: Yeah, that's it!

            C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

            O: Well, what do you want?

            C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

            Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
            Anyway I never saw a birthday wish from calendargirl so can not comment

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            • #21
              Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

              Originally posted by jon1965 View Post
              The Pet Shoppe
              A customer enters a pet shop.



              Anyway I never saw a birthday wish from calendargirl so can not comment
              No, it was stuffed and filleted early on.

              Hope you didn't celebrate to excess

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              • #22
                Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

                Too old to do anything to excess

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                • #23
                  Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

                  hope you had a fantastic Birthday xxx
                  I'm an official AAD Moderator and also a volunteer, here to help make the forum run smoothly. Any views or opinions are mine and not the official line of AAD. Similarly, any advice I have offered you is done so on an informal basis, without prejudice or liability. If in doubt seek advice from a qualified insured professional - Find a Solicitor or go to the National Probono Centre.

                  If you spot an abusive or libellous post then please report it by Clicking Here. If you need to contact me, for instance if I've issued you a warning, moved, edited or deleted your post, please send me a message by clicking my username.

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                  • #24
                    Re: Happy Birthday jon1965

                    Oops, once again I'm late! A belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY JON, I hope you had a great day.
                    I'm an official AAD Moderator and also a volunteer, here to help make the forum run smoothly. Any views or opinions are mine and not the official line of AAD. Similarly, any advice I have offered you is done so on an informal basis, without prejudice or liability. If in doubt seek advice from a qualified insured professional - Find a Solicitor or go to the National Probono Centre.

                    If you spot an abusive or libellous post then please report it by Clicking Here. If you need to contact me, for instance if I've issued you a warning, moved, edited or deleted your post, please send me a message by clicking my username.

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