Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

[WorriedGrandma]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

With regard to estate valuations: left in June 2011.
The house is in a row of terraces - all the same.
The one next-door-but-one (a bit trashy) sold in September 2011 for £145k.
My daughter's is clean enough, but isn't "like OMG WOW!!!!!".
Hence, there can't be much dispute about the value being circa £155k.

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

With regard to estate valuations: left in June 2011.
The house is in a row of terraces - all the same.
The one next-door-but-one (a bit trashy) sold in September 2011 for £145k.
My daughter's is clean enough, but isn't "like OMG WOW!!!!!".
Hence, there can't be much dispute about the value being circa £155k.

What does she want to do WG?

1. Stay put and carry on paying for years with his name on the deeds?

2. Pay him off with an agreed amount (if the lender agrees) and have the deeds legally transferred to her?

3. Sell up, pay him off the small amount of equity and move somewhere else as sole owner with your help?

She needs to have an idea in mind or this will keep going round in circles. Please talk to her at length and let us know how she/you would like to proceed because although we can advise to death on here.... any action taken has to be taken by your daughter.

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

With regard to estate valuations: left in June 2011.
The house is in a row of terraces - all the same.
The one next-door-but-one (a bit trashy) sold in September 2011 for £145k.
My daughter's is clean enough, but isn't "like OMG WOW!!!!!".
Hence, there can't be much dispute about the value being circa £155k.

Still get your own done! Never solely rely on a neighbours valuation.

Our old house went for £70k more than our neighbours.

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm feeling sad reading this thread which has become so full of bitterness and negativity

I'm not sure that warning WG that her daughter's ex may suddenly have a new baby, come round to the house with his girlfriend, let himself in, and then refuse to move when the police are called isn't perhaps scaremongering. Unless the intention is to frighten the poor girl into selling her home for fear of these unwelcomed squatters everytime she pops out to Sainsburys.

Dea Dea made a dignified entrance to this thread and then made a dignified exit. She did not take the opportunity to rubbish her ex on an open forum. For all I know he made be the devil incarnate. And for all I know he may wrongly describe the lovely WG as the Mother-in-Law-From-Hell (which we can see you're not!) and views her support and generosity towards her daughter as sticking her nose in where it's not wanted (which we can see you're not!) while the pair sort out their differences following the breakdown of a relationship which survived a decade and produced a child who is loved by all involved.

I'm sure Dea Dea will be back for help if she needs it.

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

planB - chill. You're reading out of context.

The thread is fine. Absolutely fine.

Legally as joint owner the ex can turn up and move in. We're simply trying to list the reasons why she needs to know these things.

Scaremongering is way off the mark.

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm not critical of the necessary exchange of factual information. I was upset by the name calling Perhaps I'm just showing my age.

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm not critical of the necessary exchange of factual information. I was upset by the name calling Perhaps I'm just showing my age.

Fair cop, no need for petty name calling but still I don't think any malice was intended.

Am not brave enough to be ageist lol

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

I'm feeling sad reading this thread which has become so full of bitterness and negativity

I'm not sure that warning WG that her daughter's ex may suddenly have a new baby, come round to the house with his girlfriend, let himself in, and then refuse to move when the police are called isn't perhaps scaremongering. Unless the intention is to frighten the poor girl into selling her home for fear of these unwelcomed squatters everytime she pops out to Sainsburys.

Dea Dea made a dignified entrance to this thread and then made a dignified exit. She did not take the opportunity to rubbish her ex on an open forum. For all I know he made be the devil incarnate. And for all I know he may wrongly describe the lovely WG as the Mother-in-Law-From-Hell (which we can see you're not!) and views her support and generosity towards her daughter as sticking her nose in where it's not wanted (which we can see you're not!) while the pair sort out their differences following the breakdown of a relationship which survived a decade and produced a child who is loved by all involved.

I'm sure Dea Dea will be back for help if she needs it.

PlanB... sometimes the reality of a situation can be harsh. I too was with my ex for a long time and we produced a wonderful child together... and while I trusted him to care for our daughter as a stay-at-home dad, which was his suggestion because my earning power was greater.... a lot of my friends thought "Ah... bless him, what a wonderful man".

The reality however included several affairs with neighbours and two mother's of our daughter's nursery friends. Initially, he left me (the first time) because I was too much of a wuss to realise what he was.... but because we had joint ownership of the home, he climbed through the window during the night and scared the living sh*t out of me. He then did it again one time when I was out and removed half the furniture and the police could do nothing. I was told by the solicitor I saw at the time that if he chose to move back in, then he could do so and there was nothing to stop him bringing his (then) girlfriend and her child into the house with him.

Scaremongering? Yes, it certainly was.... but it was also a fact.

WG's daughter is in a similar position and she needs to be aware of those facts. As the ex in question has already moved on with his life and shacked up with another woman, I would imagine that any chance of a reconciliation is out of the window... and if it isn't, then WG perhaps needs to have some serious words with her daughter.

Whether he thinks WG is the Mother-in-law from Hell is irrelevant. Maybe she is.... lol..... In fact, I hope she is..... lol...... and while her daugher has not come on here and rubbished the ex, as you rightly say, perhaps she needs to in order to see him for what he is and make the right choices for herself and their child.

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

It's most rare to hear Plan B speak up for an ex-husbands in general, but I don't think it's fair to assume that all men will treat their ex-partners in the same appalling way in which you were treated. I can see why you raised the issue of a possible break-in by Dea Dea's ex because you had experienced such a personal shock in the past, which I'm sorry to learn. But I approach everyone on an open book basis with 'innocent until proven guilty' as my starting point - even men

I would happily fall in love and marry again, and willingly put the deeds of my house in joint names too because I do believe in Happy Ever Afters - the trouble is I've not been asked yet

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

It's most rare to hear Plan B speak up for an ex-husbands in general, but I don't think it's fair to assume that all men will treat their ex-partners in the same appalling way in which you were treated. I can see why you raised the issue of a possible break-in by Dea Dea's ex because you had experienced such a personal shock in the past, which I'm sorry to learn. But I approach everyone on an open book basis with 'innocent until proven guilty' as my starting point - even men

I would happily fall in love and marry again, and willingly put the deeds of my house in joint names too because I do believe in Happy Ever Afters - the trouble is I've not been asked yet

PlanB... I really don't assume that all men are like this. I've said in a previous post that there are good men out there and plenty of nasty women. The experiences I have had have helped me to help others and I take some comfort from that. I couldn't have helped people without those experiences, I know that much.

I do hope that you meet someone nice and fall in love again... it's what most of us strive for and you seem a really genuine person.....



Please don't put him on your deeds though.....

[PlanB]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

.

I do hope that you meet someone nice and fall in love again... it's what most of us strive for and you seem a really genuine person.....



Please don't put him on your deeds though.....

The really sad thing is Gary Barlow is already taken

[Never-In-Doubt]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

*insert spewing smiley here*

[LooLoo]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Hi all - sorry not been around for a few days - just playing catch up!

One thing I notice someone mentioned about approaching the lender about taking on the mortgage - I was paying my mortgage on my own for over 3 years and when I spoke to the lender - and this was before I started a DMP or UE and was paying everything up to date - they would not even entertain me taking on the mortgage on my own - even though it was plainly obvious that i was paying it and managing to pay it each month - however I was not in the positon to have anyone to guarantee the mortgage or offer some deposit money - so I personally think you would have nothing to lose by speaking to them??

WG it was lovely to see you daughter on the thread and a very big welcome to her.

I know on a personal note with the break up of a marriage and the stress of the debt it does all get on top of you from time to time and as you can see there are at least 3 of us who have had to cope with similar situations.

x

[PriorityOne]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Hi LouLou,

A lot depends on who you approach (as in staff ranking) re. taking on a mortgage on your own. In my own experience, I ended up going to a small, lesser known building society.... who (I was told) would be more likely to lend to someone in my circumstances. I actually found 2 willing to do it with slightly different criteria and the Manager of one who eventually agreed it had to take it to a board of directors (or something like that) before he could proceed. Some of the larger institutions were quite rude....

WG's daughter is at an advantage mainly because she has WG to help her, as you say..... but if that lender doesn't agree, then there's nothing to stop her from approaching someone else.

[CleverClogs (RIP)]

Re: Want help/advice with daughter's debts please.

Still get your own done! Never solely rely on a neighbours valuation.

Our old house went for £70k more than our neighbours.

On the basis that they didn't have you as a neighbour?